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I found this blog post from someone in Mysore with notes on a recent conference:

http://suzanneelsafty.com/2011/11/19/conference-the-obstacles-to-yoga-6th-november-2011/

It describes the "obstacles to practice" and other few other topics from the talk.

This is perhaps a very interesting moment:

"Confusion (bhrantidarshana) - if there are too many choices. If someone comes up to you in Mysore and tells you to come to their shala – they will teach you other things, KPJAYI is just about asana but they will teach you pranayama and meditation as well, all for 10,000Rs per month. So the student decides to do 6 months at that shala because they will teach pranayama and meditation too and it’s cheaper than KPJAYI, then 6 months with another teacher, then 6 months somewhere else… they have a monkey mind, jumping from one thing to another, no focus. Then they become a yoga teacher and they put on their website that they have studied with all these different teachers and all these different styles of yoga…. Sharath says that they should also put that they are confused… yoga students should be truthful."

I sometimes feel within myself a fogginess.  Like I'm trying to remember something and the same irrelevant thing keeps blocking my view.

Another little gem:

http://satyayogastudio.com/Blog/Entries/2011/11/20_Seeing_God.html

Because he writes like no one is watching.

There is a difference between "struggle" and "work".
Struggle describes an effort with difficulty against something.
Work is exerting faculties to fulfill a purpose.

Yesterday some feelings/visions(?) took a recognizable form. Teaching is like pruning. You have to trim the plant back so that it can grow. You have to be careful not to cut too much or too little or not at all. Teaching is like this. There is that balance. It is scary sometimes to know where that balance is, to feel like too much was trimmed and the plant will die. Scary for both plant and gardener. That unknown and fate?

Another morning of online disappointment. But at least I figured out part of what I was looking for...

A flame to tap into. It was the same in New York. Practicing and studying alone. I just miss the experience of practicing with my teacher. It takes a lot of energy to bring it up myself. And as time goes by, it seem harder and harder.

This is, of course, fairly dramatic.

But it is true that one voice in my head says that I feel closer to God, like I can hook up quickly with all that in India, that I want and need that. The other voice says that it is all good and that it is already everywhere. Another voice knows that this all makes me stronger.

This concludes another irrelevant online submission.

It is like this—
I get up, make coffee, sit, sip, and browse the internet. That is how the day starts. I'm concentrating my eyes, my mind, my senses on this screen. Each image pops up and I respond with different sensations. On Facebook maybe it is happiness, safety, jealousy. On emails, satisfaction, annoyance... Blogs and videos and news. Jumping from one stimulation to the next— searching, really. Looking for something that will hold my attention, something I can become absorbed in and feel really whole and awake and inspired. As if some sort of outside element is responsible for all this. But we are simple creatures, aren't we? And the mind sort of ebbs and flows and then another piece of the mind scrambles to make sense of it with the information (set of standards in reality that it is used to) as a point of comparison. On one hand, I think it is a bit of a mess. On the other it is just part of the process and the other "I" sits back and watches the show. But it doesn't matter, I guess.

Maybe it is superficial, immature, unbecoming, what have you. I feel guilty like I should be sitting quietly absorbed in myself, thinking about the ultimate reality instead of looking for it online. Maybe the first step is seeing it and knowing maybe it would be nice to go there someday. In any case, there is a whole lot of bullshit on the internet and it would be fantastic to see more epic creations and ideas. Art, videos, writing. Make it and send it to my inbox.

Monday: Writing, blogging, what have you

It is really hard to write now. It has been for some time. I blamed it on wordlessness, not having a dedicated time of quiet, being too self aware, and even too public.

But now I think part of it is that the subject matter changes and I didn't see that it had. I was/am busy wondering why things are not feeling like they used to. Like watching a comedy and realizing you are crying or something.

It used to be that everything was very new. Because it was very new it was very entertaining, exciting. The excitement caught and held my attention easily.

The thing is that this is appearing to be a slow practice of not being so interested by excitement. Not that I am any sort of expert.

So before, I could write about all the new experiences of India, asana, whatnot. There are many words for that. They are much simpler ideas. Now, it is Monday and the main topic everyday is how to get up and just keep going. Just get up everyday and practice without any kind of obvious carrots leading the way.

It is more like a daily ritual of asking "why?" and sometimes "how?". A lot of reading of the Gita and such and thinking about God and what is actually happening. Who is the doer and is anything being done at all... And getting really quiet because there is a carrot, and perhaps many, of which I sometimes catch little teeny tiny momentary glimpses.

Babas

http://heidilender.com/category/kumbh-mela-2010-babas

Photos by Heidi Lender

Let go and let God