Don't bug me

It is getting harder and harder to write at the moment. Partly I don't know what to say and partly I feel to self-aware to say it. Looking back at last year's entries during month two, I see a similar pattern. Things start to get very internal where language starts to disappear. Or maybe now I feel differently about the whole thing. I don't really want to share things with everyone, just a few people...

So then, what does one write about when you want to share something personal but can't spare the details? Bugs. I can write about bugs.

We have an ant problem in our house. (Is it really a "problem"?) We followed the ants from the grains shelf to a few different possible entry points. My roommate poured muesli over his pancakes only to be disgusted by the multitude of ants crawling in out and around the oat clusters.

Last night on my way out of the bathroom I spied a second cockroach. I couldn't bring myself to kill it. I looked at it, it looked at me. I wonder where the little guy was headed...

I'm covered in mosquito bites from head to toe. Not even the bottom of my middle toe was spared. I now have maybe the shortest practice in the shala--or so it seemed--as I found myself in the women's dressing room all alone with the breeze and the mosquitoes. There I was in shoulderstand variations waving my arms like a mad person at the mosquitoes that buzzed around my head. I read in National Geographic that 1.) mosquitoes know the target they are heading for from an impressive distance 2.) hot, sweaty, lactic acid infused post-vigorous exercise bodies are their favorite victims.

I tell myself that I am going to withdraw my senses, that everything is God, that if I don't acknowledge them they don't exist. But then I hear the buzzing become louder and louder and I can't hold it in any longer so I swat and swat and swat.

PS-Again, yesterday in conference, Sharath emphasized that part of the practice is reading yogic texts. Specifically, he said it was a good idea to start with the Bhagavad Gita.

On quitting your life--cold turkey

I woke up this morning at 4am. AYRI is closed today so I spent a while staring at the ceiling. All beds here are covered with mosquito netting. Most yoga students stay in local guest houses, so they come equipped (usually) with netting and all that. If not, it is way cheaper here than anywhere else. For instance, batteries are 17rs for 2 double a's. That comes to about $o.42.

I read for a bit. I tossed and turned some more. Around 6am I decided to just get out of the bed. I got dressed, did a couple of sun salutes, brushed my teeth (with bottled water), the whole time looking at the "shower" from the corner of my eye, trying to convince myself that I could go the day without one. There are a few different shower options you'll find in the guest houses. The first is fondly known as the "bucket shower". You take the bucket, stick a hot iron in it, then dip a pitcher in and pour the water over yourself as you stand in the middle of the bathroom. The floor is slanted slightly so it all goes toward the drain, passing by the toilet on its way. Desire overtook any qualms I had about the shower and toilet sharing the same floor space as I embarked on my first bucket shower. It wasn't all that bad. In fact it was kind of nice dumping water over myself. It reminded me of being a baby except I was standing in my bathroom instead of sitting a kitchen sink. I don't know if I'll be able to wash my hair.

After your "shower", there is a squeegee that you use to push the water towards the drain. Now you want to do a good job otherwise you'll get wet feet each time you go to use the toilet for the rest of the day.

I went over to AYRI like Sharath said and he was waiting there for me. I filled out the application (he didn't ask me if I already sent one) and he told me to come to the led class tomorrow at 6:15am and then to practice on normal days at 7:15am. I got a card that I'm supposed to put at the front of my mat that says my name, time I practice, etc. I couldn't really get a good picture of it. Here it is anyway. He emphasized that I should not come earlier. Fine by me. (The earliest class starts at 4am I think.) A friend told me that actually its a bit of a problem that people don't come on time. Its not that they sleep in, in fact, people are coming earlier than they are supposed to. Apparently the more advanced practitioners are assigned the earlier times and beginners are assigned later times. So people get a little miffed when they're given later times (anything past 7am). I got 7:15am. Sharath asked me after he gave me a time if I was a beginner. I'm not sure if this means that I won't be working with Sharath. I guess I'll find out.

For the rest of the morning I sat on the terrace reading and drawing with a little break to visit an organic market where I bought a jar of hummus. I haven't tasted it yet. I had lunch at Anu's by myself. Anu's is a family restaurant about 1 minute's walk from Joseph's B&B (minus a B). You go upstairs to the terrace and they put out a bunch of different dishes and you help yourself. Today there was beet salad :P, carrot salad, cucumber/tomato salad :P, eggplant and tomato :D, spicy string beans chopped up really small, something that I think involved seitan, lentils, rice, and little tortilla things called "chapati", I think. This costs 100rs or $2.5, which is kind of expensive. A lot of people from the Shala (AYRI) to eat and so its a good place to meet people. Although today I ate alone. Downstairs is an Internet cafe (where I am now), and a phone to make international calls. PS-the computers have skype.

You've left your job, your diet, your significant other, your family, your time zone, your shower, your friends, your everything. What do you do with your day? Since I haven't practiced at the Shala yet, which is why I came here, I don't really feel grounded. In New York, I practice 6 days a week. I haven't practiced since Thursday. My body feels blah, my mind feels blah, everything blah. Everyone around me seems to not feel the same. The Indians all are living with purpose. They're doing what they do. The students already here also are doing what they now do. But I'm not doing anything that I used to do, nor what I came to do, so then what do you do?

This is quitting your life--cold turkey day 2.