Day Twenty-Four - Rest day, you take rest

In the Ashtanga yoga tradition, we “take rest” one day per week from asana practice - usually a Saturday or Sunday.  I have always kept the routine of one day off per week (plus new/full moon days and first three days of menstruation). I figure if we are going to take the prescription we should follow the prescription.  In my process this year of coming back to my center, decluttering, minimizing, self-reflection - I am realizing that deep down I truly do not ever rest except for the weekly break from asana.

I am not a rule follower.  I do not do well with authority at all.  The thing is when I believe in something, I commit, and I go hard.  So when my yoga teacher says to take a day off each week from practice - that's exactly what I will do.  The end.

New Mexico is filled with an incredible variety of gorgeous natural retreats.  We found one deep in the mountains, past any road that the average vehicle would travel, so remote that phones were thrown deep into bags because service was so completely out of the question.  Roads unmarked and so questionable that we needed a local to guide us down the same road that we had previously attempted, but deeper.  Much deeper into the tall trees and wild grasses and fresh high altitude air.  Bear country.  Mountain lion country. Rattlesnake country.  As we continued deeper in, the only man made items were those that we curated.  Just the essentials. We instantly fell into the pace and simplicity and didn’t miss TV or books or restaurants or the convenience of anything.  I woke through the night terrified of the sounds of squirrels that I truly believed to be mountain lions.  We woke at peace and relaxed and completely grounded and present.

Hours later I realized that I felt happy.  And that’s when the guilt set in.  

I observed the thought.  It is a feeling that I am going to "get caught" or "get in trouble".  I asked "why?"  The answer that came was that I don’t believe that I am allowed to or deserve to rest or take a break or relax.  Again, I asked "why?"  Silence. Clutter.  System shut down.

Ok, brain.  Let's begin here.  You believe in your yoga practice, right?
Yes.
Do you think that maybe you could extend that to your life?
Yes, that's the point.
Ok, great.  So, take a day to truly rest.  Or just give yourself a break.
Yes, that's make sense.
Ok, great.  That's how we live now.  Also, you're simplifying everything, right?  And it feels good?
Yes.
Ok, great.  This one day off a week pattern seems to work and is established in one area of your life.  Why not piggyback on that with other areas so that you have a designated break?
Yes, that makes sense.
Ok, great.  One more thing.  Who establishes the benchmark for your success and expectations?
I do.
Ok, great.  Are you meeting all your personal benchmarks and expectations?
No.
Well, what's missing?
More blank space.  More travel.  More teaching.  More art and creativity and flow time and shala time.
Ok, great.  Maybe that's the guilt.  You felt happy and at peace and were feeling guilty that you aren't  doing that for yourself more.  That you aren't moving from your own inner space.  Could it be that?
I feel guilty again.
Ok, let's just work on more rest time.
Yes.  Ok.