You can't go home again

There is something to the teacher/student relationship.

Yesterday, I went back to my teacher at the Shala. What is it about practicing with you teacher that gives your practice that certain something? Since Mysore, I have been maintaining my practice, but it was nothing like yesterday. How did I know it was different? We can look at the physical evidence: my clothes were drenched. My sweat. The room's sweat. Whatever. Then there is the social evidence: I just felt like giving up my seat on the subway. Last, there is the psychological evidence: I was just plain happy...the entire day. Happy like I'm on the way to the beach on a summer day.

I think it was very hard and very strange coming back to New York and feeling so differently. Before I left for Mysore, I can remember that everyday after practice I felt like emptying my wallet out in a homeless man's cup on the L Train. I just felt so joyous and giving and just plain optimistic and happy. Post-Mysore New York has, as evidenced in my blog, been dreary, boring, and glum. Is it New York, or was it me? A bit of both I think. But I won't deny that my own tendency toward depression hasn't been a contributing factor. But that is why yoga is so important. If depression manifests itself in the body, then yoga is a surefire way to work it out and help turn it around. And I thought I was doing that, hence my confusion with my feelings of blah.

After yesterday, it has been proven to me (again) how important practice is, and how much a difference it makes to practice with a teacher. And maybe what I brought to the table yesterday wasn't different. But there is something special about knowing that your teacher is watching you, is helping you...It is being in the transfer of knowledge and of tradition. It is being nurtured and cared for. It is being believed in and pushed to your limits. It is facing your fears. It is committing to shoot for the stars.

RECENTLY VIEWED: Earth

This is the second film in Deepa Meta's series, Fire, Earth, Water. I saw the last film a short time ago and was absolutely blown away. The plot of this film didn't intrigue me, but I decided to give it a chance and it was really quite good!

RECENTLY READ: Light on Life I am always a little hesitant to read titles by Iyengar, especially after his comments on ashtanga practice on the Estes Park DVD series. That said, I read the first half of this book, and was surprised that A) it was readable, unlike Light on Yoga and B) it was somewhat objective about the experience of yoga practice. I didn't feel like there was anything new here, but if you don't feel like reading the sutras or other texts, you could just read this as it summarizes a lot of different materials and concepts in yoga practice.

REMINDER: Check out www.livingmysore.com , as we have published our first ashtanga-inspired online zine!

Back in the saddle again

Its funny how from one day to the next my complete outlook on life and mood in general can completely change. A couple of days ago, I was ready to rip some one's eyes out at the breakfast table (don't worry I didn't) and today I feel like the world is my oyster and we should all just love each other, etc. Is this what happens when I don't practice? Maybe. Does a child stop crying when you give it what it wants? Most of the time. Does a junkie look "happy" when they finally get their fix? I'd say so.

When we are really in the thick of that nasty little emotional cloud of negativity and sadness, there really is nothing else. And then I pick up the yoga sutras and the whole thing is like "wake up!" and I say "well, but..." and the sutras say, "just wake up!" and I reply, "hold on, but..." and the sutras say, "WAKE UP!" and I say, "I heard you, but just listen for a second..." and so on. I can be looking at logic, see it, internalize it, and not feel a shift at all. It is so silly. It is like watching yourself perform on a stage and you think to yourself, "I can't believe she messed that up! We practiced that so many times!" Or perhaps, "No don't worry about messing up, just carry on, no just carry on like it didn't happen...come on!" Or maybe, "I know you forgot your lines just look up and read the cue cards!"

And then, just like that, I wake up, go to practice, and the beast is gone. Or maybe just sleeping.

How about some updates from Mysore?

The weather feels like monsoon finally. When I first arrived, I admit there were some occasional showers, but really it was just humid to the point where your towel and clothing never seemed to dry and clung on to this icky mold smell. Then there were a few weeks of dry, clear, sunny skies when I went to the pool a lot and got a really beautiful tan, if I do say so. Since then it has gotten a bit colder, greyer, cloudier, and rainier. We started with afternoon showers around maybe 3ish. They didn't last very long. Then we had late evening/early morning showers. Now the rain has been fierce from about 4-6pm. But even with all this rain, the clothes are drying just fine. The rain doesn't last very long. I don't have an umbrella, or rain shoes, or anything of the sort. I have a TV and a couple of books, and I sit here in my house and wait for the rain to stop just like everyone else!

Practice in the shala has been wonderful with Saraswati. Before Sharath left, people said that she gives a lot of poses and that probably everyone would be doing third series in a month, but that Sharath would take them all away come January. Actually, I've found that she hasn't given many people poses, and the people she did give them to were definitely ready for them. The doors still open around 4:30, but maybe 1 person still goes and waits at the gate. Most everyone else trickles in until about 5 after. There is no waiting at the door at all during class. There is room for everyone and often there are spaces open the entire class. Many of the long term people have left to Goa, Thailand, to travel India, or home. A few have stayed. A new batch of people have arrived who seem to be staying a few months and will be practicing just with Saraswati. Yes, there are way too many women in the shala.

You know there aren't that many students at the shala when Tina stops making her famous millet bread. Yes folks, the worst has happened! Tina has broken our hearts and discontinued the Millet Toast until more people come. And now I can leave Mysore.