stuff that should probably be marked as really private but whatever
... and some days I get this feeling of just... just dead. Everything is dead and pointless and meaningless and a whole lot of complete bullshit and I really really just want to keep connecting with truth, reality, god, whatever.
Drishti, flying, drugs, cliff jumping, tattoos, sex, heights, extreme sports, dancing, kamikaze practice.
Those headstands at the end of second are like that. Some people are more suicidal than others. I get a sick thrill out of just falling and then last second --bam! Hands on the floor. Bam! Hands on the floor! Bam! That was loud! Bam! Fuck everyone in the room! Bam! Alive! Bam! Bam! Strength, concentration? Maybe just a whole lot of just me. Just getting real small and sitting inside this body and laughing at all the crazy shit it does. Getting a wild joy out of riding it into the sunset. Trying to wear myself out so that everything else get in perspective or a little bit quieter and a little less immediate and important. A bit like Fight Club...
"After a night in fight club, everything in the real world gets the volume turned down. Nothing can piss you off. Your word is law, and if other people break that law or question you, even that doesn't piss you off."
