I should start by saying "thank you" to everyone who has reached out with gratitude and encouragement. The anus squeezing, in particular, seemed to bring value.
Right now I'm just really curious. I am asking questions and experimenting.
1. Can I try to only grocery shop on Saturdays?
You'd probably call me a picky eater. I totally accept that. So I told myself if I ran out of something that I needed that I would go to the store before Saturday. Also, would it be different if I wrote a list out on a piece of scrap paper instead of on my phone? I started this experiment sometime in May. And I have been keeping track of spending this month as well.
So pulling transactions, here are the food shopping results:
May 2 Thursday
May 3 Friday
May 4 Saturday
May 7 Tuesday
May 10 Friday -- this is probably when I started with the "just Saturdays"
May 11 Saturday
May 18 Saturday
May 25 Saturday
I've noticed that I start panicking when the supply of something gets low. But how will I get through my day without that food item???? I reassure myself that I can always go to the store to buy it. Then I write it on the scrap paper list. And then somehow I forget about it and each day goes by and it is fine and then boom it is Saturday again.
As I started this habit something else happened. I realized that I did not enjoy always going to the store. It felt like this constant nag and drudgery. Always having to go to the store. It felt like all I ever did. And so when I noticed the paper towels were low I put them on the scrap paper list. And when I drove by the store (not on a Saturday) I could feel a pang of not wanting to go there and so I told myself it was ok we could go tomorrow. And somehow I didn't run out of paper towels by the next day and I didn't feel like going to the store (there were other things that I wanted to do) and so I would keep putting it off until Saturday. Saturday would arrive and I would go to the growers market and there weren't paper towels there and so I would say "ok I'll go after the growers market" but then being outside felt so nice and there were other things I wanted to do besides shop and so I would put it off.
It has been three or more weeks and somehow I still have paper towels. I have no idea what I am doing differently. Was I sleep-tearing paper towels off the roll before? Was I taking extravagant paper towel baths? Or maybe just mindlessly tearing off one sheet at a time and dropping it in the garbage?
2. Clothing.
I am fascinated with capsule wardrobes. I always have been. I remember as a teenager reading articles about rock stars and how they just had their favorite t-shirt and jeans or leathers and boots and that's all they wore.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE costuming and beautiful things and artisan whatever and creativity. Absolutely love. But I do get really frustrated with cheaply made items that don't fit well or scratch or don't seem to match anything else or are covered with plastic made in horrible facilities by people who don't really have any other choices. (But don't worry they have AC they aren't even sweating.)
As I started to notice my food/housing purchases shifting, I started to ask the same questions about clothing. I had a note on my phone. It was a never-ending stream of consciousness list of things I needed to get. Food, clothing, doctor appointments, etc.
I deleted it.
And then I got dressed. And somehow I magically had everything I needed.
I was subscribing to a clothing rental box. It was really great in that I always had new clothes, I did not need to maintain them, I'd just wear them and send them back. This was the first step in my cutting down on shopping. I had the thrill of always having something new and it was a fixed cost. But making the time to send the boxes back was time I'd never get back. And the time picking out what I'd be getting in the next box. And all the times I lost the return bag and had to find a new one. And all the boxes and papers that came with each shipment. I could imagine a pile of the boxes somewhere on this planet that we share. The pile growing larger and larger. Filling my house, my neighbor's house, the whole street.
I deleted my account.
And I freaked out. What will I wear to work each day? And I told myself that it was ok -- if I needed something I would just go buy it. And somehow I would get through that day and then I'd panic and then I'd tell myself it was ok just write it on the scrap paper list and somehow I'd get through that day as well telling myself I would buy whatever on Saturday.
And something happened. I haven't bought anything. Somehow I have all the clothes I need. For now at least. Everything fits. I can clean and repair items myself.
I have everything I need.
Again, I started this experiment about mid-May. Here is what my clothing shopping history has been like:
March 7
March 11
March 13
March 14
March 17
April 4
April 7
April 8
April 9
April 14
April 18
May 3
May 6
Basically, I had been shopping for clothing at least once per week. It has been about 3 weeks since my last purchase.
I'm focused on just doing one project at a time right now. Completing that. Then the next. Running toward quality and consistency and away from overwhelm. But when I complete my 30 days of writing, what about maybe project 333? Anyone with me?
I've noticed that I have a tick. There's a surge and I want to pick up my phone. I want to write something on the list. Go shopping. Text. Check useless apps. Pick at my skin or hair. Check email check email check email. Scrollllllll. Collect things on wish lists. Anything. So I cut off the shopping outlet. And I am keeping a food diary so I cut off the eating outlet. And I am fully turning off my phone so I cut that out. And Game of Thrones is over so I cut out streaming (watching the entire series just once takes 3 days, how many times have I rewatched???). And so I am more and more analog all the time. And the surges, the ticks still come. And I read a book. Go to the library. Paint. Draw. Write. Take care of the objects I still have. Let my mind have a break. (Which actually it isn't even there yet. It is still panicking and anxious about something beyond shopping. And I'm trying to sit with that and let it just happen.)
And something else is happening.
3. My spending habits have significantly changed.
Ever since I started to slow down and pay attention, this month alone (really just a few weeks) I have spent almost half of what I spent last month. This absolutely shocks me.
I am not trying to be frugal. I just don't want to be just a consumer. It feels gross to have so many things that the things that I don't use frequently just take up space and aren't maintained and lose value and become crap. It just feels so wasteful. I want to spend my time doing things other than shopping and maintaining my museum of stuff. I want the time to figure out what that thing is that I want to do. And of course I want the funds to support the causes, do the things, and purchase the items that really do bring value to my life.
4. My diet/exercise/body has changed.
I'm avoiding social media, media at all so I don't really have anything that I am subconsciously comparing myself to. I'm working with a doctor on my nutrition so I'm eating very clean and local and nourishing and I'm keeping a food diary so that's a good constant too. And I'm only doing my daily yoga practice -- that's it. And I'm listening for when my body is sending me signals and trying to respond accordingly. Body are you hungry? Full? Tired? Scared? etc. Body you don't have to push through and go numb. Body I will take care of you. And the inflammation is going away. And the number on the scale is much more consistent. And all my clothes fit better. And then I don't feel a need to go buy more clothes. And the serpent eats its tail.
Right now I'm just really curious. I am asking questions and experimenting.
1. Can I try to only grocery shop on Saturdays?
You'd probably call me a picky eater. I totally accept that. So I told myself if I ran out of something that I needed that I would go to the store before Saturday. Also, would it be different if I wrote a list out on a piece of scrap paper instead of on my phone? I started this experiment sometime in May. And I have been keeping track of spending this month as well.
So pulling transactions, here are the food shopping results:
May 2 Thursday
May 3 Friday
May 4 Saturday
May 7 Tuesday
May 10 Friday -- this is probably when I started with the "just Saturdays"
May 11 Saturday
May 18 Saturday
May 25 Saturday
I've noticed that I start panicking when the supply of something gets low. But how will I get through my day without that food item???? I reassure myself that I can always go to the store to buy it. Then I write it on the scrap paper list. And then somehow I forget about it and each day goes by and it is fine and then boom it is Saturday again.
As I started this habit something else happened. I realized that I did not enjoy always going to the store. It felt like this constant nag and drudgery. Always having to go to the store. It felt like all I ever did. And so when I noticed the paper towels were low I put them on the scrap paper list. And when I drove by the store (not on a Saturday) I could feel a pang of not wanting to go there and so I told myself it was ok we could go tomorrow. And somehow I didn't run out of paper towels by the next day and I didn't feel like going to the store (there were other things that I wanted to do) and so I would keep putting it off until Saturday. Saturday would arrive and I would go to the growers market and there weren't paper towels there and so I would say "ok I'll go after the growers market" but then being outside felt so nice and there were other things I wanted to do besides shop and so I would put it off.
It has been three or more weeks and somehow I still have paper towels. I have no idea what I am doing differently. Was I sleep-tearing paper towels off the roll before? Was I taking extravagant paper towel baths? Or maybe just mindlessly tearing off one sheet at a time and dropping it in the garbage?
2. Clothing.
I am fascinated with capsule wardrobes. I always have been. I remember as a teenager reading articles about rock stars and how they just had their favorite t-shirt and jeans or leathers and boots and that's all they wore.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE costuming and beautiful things and artisan whatever and creativity. Absolutely love. But I do get really frustrated with cheaply made items that don't fit well or scratch or don't seem to match anything else or are covered with plastic made in horrible facilities by people who don't really have any other choices. (But don't worry they have AC they aren't even sweating.)
As I started to notice my food/housing purchases shifting, I started to ask the same questions about clothing. I had a note on my phone. It was a never-ending stream of consciousness list of things I needed to get. Food, clothing, doctor appointments, etc.
I deleted it.
And then I got dressed. And somehow I magically had everything I needed.
I was subscribing to a clothing rental box. It was really great in that I always had new clothes, I did not need to maintain them, I'd just wear them and send them back. This was the first step in my cutting down on shopping. I had the thrill of always having something new and it was a fixed cost. But making the time to send the boxes back was time I'd never get back. And the time picking out what I'd be getting in the next box. And all the times I lost the return bag and had to find a new one. And all the boxes and papers that came with each shipment. I could imagine a pile of the boxes somewhere on this planet that we share. The pile growing larger and larger. Filling my house, my neighbor's house, the whole street.
I deleted my account.
And I freaked out. What will I wear to work each day? And I told myself that it was ok -- if I needed something I would just go buy it. And somehow I would get through that day and then I'd panic and then I'd tell myself it was ok just write it on the scrap paper list and somehow I'd get through that day as well telling myself I would buy whatever on Saturday.
And something happened. I haven't bought anything. Somehow I have all the clothes I need. For now at least. Everything fits. I can clean and repair items myself.
I have everything I need.
Again, I started this experiment about mid-May. Here is what my clothing shopping history has been like:
March 7
March 11
March 13
March 14
March 17
April 4
April 7
April 8
April 9
April 14
April 18
May 3
May 6
Basically, I had been shopping for clothing at least once per week. It has been about 3 weeks since my last purchase.
I'm focused on just doing one project at a time right now. Completing that. Then the next. Running toward quality and consistency and away from overwhelm. But when I complete my 30 days of writing, what about maybe project 333? Anyone with me?
I've noticed that I have a tick. There's a surge and I want to pick up my phone. I want to write something on the list. Go shopping. Text. Check useless apps. Pick at my skin or hair. Check email check email check email. Scrollllllll. Collect things on wish lists. Anything. So I cut off the shopping outlet. And I am keeping a food diary so I cut off the eating outlet. And I am fully turning off my phone so I cut that out. And Game of Thrones is over so I cut out streaming (watching the entire series just once takes 3 days, how many times have I rewatched???). And so I am more and more analog all the time. And the surges, the ticks still come. And I read a book. Go to the library. Paint. Draw. Write. Take care of the objects I still have. Let my mind have a break. (Which actually it isn't even there yet. It is still panicking and anxious about something beyond shopping. And I'm trying to sit with that and let it just happen.)
And something else is happening.
3. My spending habits have significantly changed.
Ever since I started to slow down and pay attention, this month alone (really just a few weeks) I have spent almost half of what I spent last month. This absolutely shocks me.
I am not trying to be frugal. I just don't want to be just a consumer. It feels gross to have so many things that the things that I don't use frequently just take up space and aren't maintained and lose value and become crap. It just feels so wasteful. I want to spend my time doing things other than shopping and maintaining my museum of stuff. I want the time to figure out what that thing is that I want to do. And of course I want the funds to support the causes, do the things, and purchase the items that really do bring value to my life.
4. My diet/exercise/body has changed.
I'm avoiding social media, media at all so I don't really have anything that I am subconsciously comparing myself to. I'm working with a doctor on my nutrition so I'm eating very clean and local and nourishing and I'm keeping a food diary so that's a good constant too. And I'm only doing my daily yoga practice -- that's it. And I'm listening for when my body is sending me signals and trying to respond accordingly. Body are you hungry? Full? Tired? Scared? etc. Body you don't have to push through and go numb. Body I will take care of you. And the inflammation is going away. And the number on the scale is much more consistent. And all my clothes fit better. And then I don't feel a need to go buy more clothes. And the serpent eats its tail.
