I am waiting

I go through my day and I have these little bursts of thoughts, ideas, collections of stories that I think I'm going to sit and write about. And then I sit and like a vivid, violent dream, I forget them all.

I feel like I'm waiting for something.

Practice was soothing today. My wrists are getting testy. I think its partly due to the colder NY weather. I feel like I fall asleep for days at a time and then all of a sudden I wake up. It happened in practice. I kept going in, going in, going in. The thinking mind, going in, following the thoughts, going in, going in, going in. And then all of a sudden I was in a forward bend and realized that I could slide forward a few inches. Something released and my spine shot forward, my chest broadened, my shoulders relaxed.

Now what?

Recently viewed: David Lynch's "Inland Empire". I'm not sure I needed the extra stress that this film brings the viewer, but hey, that's the price you pay for needing to know.

You just have to show up!

I remember going days without talking at all to my mysore teacher. Days. We just didn't need to say anything.

In Mysore, there are a few phrases that are on constant repeat. The first time you hear them, you laugh. The second time you hear them you think "wait a second!" Every time you hear them after that you laugh.

Right now I've got Sharath saying "don't be lazy" and John saying "you just have to show up". And I'm trying to show up. I really am.

I'm learning so much from home practice right now, and its not new poses or new things I didn't know I could do. Instead, I'm learning about motivation, procrastination, giving up, believing in yourself, not trying, and tricking myself into practice.

yoga is the cessation of the thinking mind. Then the seer can abide in its own true nature.