What does it all mean?

As I watch videos on youtube (my cyber shala or morning inspiration, if you will), I remember last night's dream. I was with a friend. A girl, I think. We were playing maybe a card game or something trivial in a room with a bunch of tables. I think we were playing and slowly Pattabhi Jois (Guruji) started to notice us and play a bit. Last few times I saw him, he was very old, very out there, and not likely to randomly start fraternizing with me. I guess in the dream, our playing interested him and sort of brought him out of the stroke-funk. He started getting younger- like the Guruji of myth. I really wanted him to be my teacher and tell me that if I cried, he would cry (like Nicky Doane's story). There was a feeling of connection, and then I woke up.

Maybe a week ago I dreamt I was sitting at a communal picnic table with a bunch of friends including one who was killed (in real life) much too young. I was confused because she was supposed to be dead, but here she was -- alive.

Not sure if they are connected outside of the table and resurrection thing.

Except that they were both smiling a lot and trying to talk with me.

And the warm fuzzy feeling of peace and joy surrounding them.

Split in half

No great discoveries or insights to report today. Just woke up, practiced, and am now sitting in front of the computer before taking a nap.

One of the interesting things about cleansing, or simplifying one's diet in general, is that there is an opportunity to witness the effects foods have on the body. Too much sugar? Allergic to almonds? It becomes pretty clear what is making what happen when you're only eating fruit salads or juices or rice or vegetables or water. And since there are three of us almost consistently sharing meals, we notice how the food we eat affects not only our own bodies, but eachother's as well. We also have been able to support eachother during the occasional freakout session during which the freakee either does or does not recognize that they are in fact freaking out. "Hey. Hey! Don't freak out." We all keep saying it until it becomes true.

But I feel really great. The low end of my practice has been raised and if I felt like I had more in me, the bar would be crazy high too. I'm feeling a real connection with Sharath, which is obviously nice. Today in padmasana, I heard Sharath grumble something in front of me (he was sitting on the stage and I was in the front row). And then it was, "Elise garble garble garble". Huh? "Knee down in padmasana". And then he showed me. This was all inbetween counts during a led class with 80 students. This is such a small detail.

Although I feel like I am just getting settled, that it isn't yet time to leave, part of me is dreaming about being back in New York or resettling somewhere else with E. I think about practicing at Guy's and making little lunches and getting books from the library. I think about moving to San Francisco or back to Albuquerque and seeing a live local band. I think about visiting my family as if it weren't a once a year occasion. Or getting on a plane and surprising my best friend weeks before she goes into labor. I want to be one of the first to hold that baby... And then the sound of someone breaking a drinking glass in the living room brings me back here to India.