Happy Maha Shivaratri!

Sugar high

Jaggery. Honey. Sweets. Chocolate. Chai. Sugar. Sweet drinks. Jams. Lassi. Sweet milks. Sesame brittles. Candies. Cakes.

I met a girl on Chamundi Hill who was in Mysore studying the prevalence of type 2 diabetes in India. I'm wondering how long it would take me to get to that point and also how long it will take for yesterday's sugar fog to wear off. This morning I told myself I would think savory for breakfast. I had a fenugreek roti with spinach and tomato chutney at Tina's with a fruit salad and ginger mint tea. They also brought me honey for my tea, and like the strong yoga student that I am I said "no, thanks!" (I was probably rocking back and forth in the corner when I said it.) Miraculously, I lived. Take that sugar! I've managed to overcome the physical pressure for sugar, and also that of habit. Then next challenge: sugar peer pressure. Will I be able to withstand? Check back tomorrow...

Practice Update:
Here I am at week 3. I haven't gained any poses since I've been here, but I haven't lost any from primary either. I've heard that in the first month, they (they being Sharath and guruji) like to watch you. The second month, they like to break you. The third month, they put you back together again. Alex's version of this is: the first month, you feel fat and fart a lot, the second month you look skinny and strong. Okay. It was hard to stay focused today in practice. I was right next to the men's dressing room and so there was a constant flow of people walking around my mat. I tried not to notice people getting new poses around me and the rise of jealousy as their heels came to the ground in pasasana. For me it seems like the first month will be trying to get comfortable practicing in the space. The second will be maintaining that feeling. The third will be gone in a second.

I had back bends again with Sharath. He really finds my turned out feet in ankle grabbing very funny. I wish I knew why.

On letting go

It is a bit overcast today and I'm thinking mostly of not thinking and trying to just let go of expectations and wanting to control things. It is a practice. I feel like I'm settling a bit. I'm figuring out my place here in Mysore and finding out how to just be here in a very awake way. It sounds strange to write this, but as much as I have been here, I haven't; and as much as I have been letting go, I've been resistant. I guess we are always going back and forth between these states, but sometimes we are able to step back from it and see it happening. Like right now. So then what do you do when you're not spending your energies on the back and forth? You chant, or read, or walk, or do what ever you do knowing that you're doing it completely awake. None of it is black or white, but it is as simple as turning a switch on or off if we are able to find the switch as we grope in the dark.

It is good to be alone. I can't find these things with other people around. I get distracted. I find however, that it is hard to be alone here. But that's okay. I think I'll lock myself in my room and spend the day with Harry Potter again. It is important to learn how to date yourself.

I'm supposed to go see Shiva in 2 days to see if he has any apartments available. We'll see what happens. If he doesn't have anything I'll try to move in to Saraswati's house. Apparently it is all very crowded right now and nothing is open. In any case, I really would like to get a decent kitchen. For me it feels important to be able to make myself food. Not just because I want to control it, but also because it is cheaper than eating out all the time!

Movies for those who want to see Ashtanga Yoga in action:
Ashtanga, NY
Guru