The itch

I am getting dumb annoyed with the little things. A sign that there are not enough distractions around so I start sending my energy to whatever comes next: people. The people I see everyday. Do I really care how long the bottles have been sitting on the counter in the grand scheme of things? Of course not. Do I get really bothered that the only thing I ever talk to my roommate about is garbage (not rubbish--I mean useless information)? Yes. And even more than that, I don't like the feeling of getting frustrated with myself for feeling embarrassed for going through the process of my day. I get upset about things just like anyone else. It passes I know it passes. I learn from it. I do things better. But there is nothing wrong for it to happen and I don't want to feel dumb for having it. So okay I decide to not feel dumb but the fact is that I am being objective about my experience and being objective must allow the concession that this stuff comes up and I can't pretend that it doesn't.

The point isn't to stop thinking, it is to realize that the thinking is not you.

So there we have it. I am experiencing a dream, a fantasy, a lucid dream where sometimes I control things and sometimes I don't because I forget that it is a dream and that there are choices.

Beyond all that, getting annoyed is a sign that I am working hard at practice. Second series. Nadi Shodhana. Nerve cleansing. I had trouble sitting today I just couldn't get comfortable. My emotions are back and forth. I get irritable and tired and energetic and all over the place. I write this and I think how everyone must think I am nuts but I'm not. At least that is what Simon tells me. (Simon is the tree outside that talks to me.)

I think that it is also a sign that there has been a shift. I feel like I am ready to be released from spiritual rehab. I am now showing the new patients the ropes. I am leading the art class. I am on time for my meds, etc. I might get released for good behavior. Can't just stick around here for the food now can I? Got to get out and start experimenting with all this stuff I have made in the laboratory. Plus, I want to show the world how to make popsicle stick picture frames.

Alright I'll be serious. Seriously, this trip has been such an amazing learning experience for me. I didn't come for any answers, but the answers found me.

I was just kidding about Simon the talking tree.