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Did I do that?

Well, the day has come. I did this:

Sharath helped me in back bends today. I was suprised because my hands weren't as high as yesterday, but still, they were in about the same place as Nancy (above). I straightened my legs, and then, Sharath stepped back and let go. I balanced there all by myself. After a few breaths, I popped up, eyes wide, and Sharath said "good". That was it and maybe that was enough. I wanted to just jump on him and give him or someone a hug I was so overwhelmed with excitement. Now that is a crazy feeling.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/govindakai/sets/72157594334113610/

Theta boy

"No afraid," Saraswati smiled up at me.
"Not today," I said. And I really meant it. I meant it so much that it was almost a joke that someone else made and it wasn't me freaking out yesterday.

I had taken my three wheels and three drop backs and was waiting with my arms crossed across my chest like a mummy for Sharath or Saraswati to come help me. Sharath was waiting to help someone else in back bends and I could see that he clearly was avoiding me. I'm glad he did, because I had unfinished business with Saraswati.

She took her time and came over to me. I felt strong, flexible, brave. I really integrated the idea that it wasn't Saraswati's back bend or even practice. No--it was mine and this is my moment and she is here to help me. So I pretended she wasn't even there. I back bended like I was going to do it all on my own and she was an extension of me. She grabbed my hands and put them on my legs and my heels stayed down and I felt strong. She walked my hands up and up and I straightened my legs more and more. And then she kept walking them and I kept straightening them until my hands were holding maybe my knees but it is hard to tell when you are backwards and upside down. My hands were almost even. I couldn't even remember a time when my left shoulder was bothersome. My legs were as straight as I've ever taken them and my thighs were on fire. My butt was on fire.

I was right on the edge and the sensations were insane. I felt myself get a little tired or a little afraid like when you back away from the edge of a cliff and in that moment something inside me said "no, I am not afraid" and I completely straightened my legs and everything just stacked up.


I felt Saraswati step away so that she was barely even touching me. I felt like I had fireworks in my pelvis or maybe a fish bowl swirling with koi and bubbles.I felt like those colorful blobs in that Bjork video were jumping inside me. I was there maybe for a few seconds, maybe a minute bu not longer. I stood up, shocked. Saraswati had a very serious face. I put my hands on her shoulders and just kind of looked at her. She nodded and gave me the best squish of my life. The funny thing is, my back was not tense at all. It felt great. I've never felt better. I pranced to the dressing room and took my finishing postures. I rested and went to another planet. I realized that yes, it is 99% practice 1% theory, but with time, you notice that actually it is also 99% mental and 1% physical.

Before Sunrise

the sex and the city movie was ridiculous.
I'm spending more time at the southern star hotel eating than swimming.
the bf leaves tomorrow and we're enjoying our time together.
first day back to practice since Wednesday and it was the led second.
feeling surprisingly comfortable in class like it's just me and my mat.
when I was doing my drop backs, I thought I heard Sharath say "Elise, chakra bandhasana!" But didn't believe it because he was in the middle of leading the led second series class. Also because that would mean doing it on my own. Also because I've never heard him call "ankle grabbing" anything. so i didn't do it. and now I'm home on the internet and seeing that he was talking to me.
off to meet the bf at the southern star for breakfast.