Sometimes you have to just start from the beginning. It sucks because everything demands effort and it is almost impossible to let our attachment to the fruits of our labor go but in order to transform, it has to happen. Destruction as a form of creation because nothing is ever as it once was.
And so as I settle in, I notice that maybe people smile a little differently, the rickshaw fares have gone up, does he or doesn't he (Sharath) remember my name? Stupid little things that mean nothing but the newness still shocks the system. It's like sliding into a pair of old sandals that once fit like a glove but now your foot rests clumsily inside--different now than the imprint of the past you's foot. Same same only different.
Tired, but feeling considerably less of the jet lag. I suspect establishing some sort of routine this time around has been helpful. I still must admit that I feel completely sucked dry from all of it: leaving my love back home, family, friends, my teacher, my shala, everything to start all over from the beginning again here in Mysore. I wonder if it is like this every time you come. Everything is erased and you start from the beginning and as your experience matures, it takes less and less time to acclimate.
For instance, in practice at the end of last year's trip and in practice in New York, I found back bending after a primary only practice to be torture (relatively speaking of course). But after having my body completely destroyed in all the traveling since Thursday, I feel like the slate was wiped and leveled the playing field. Everything felt stiff and by the end I stopped thinking about it and my mind wandered to how lonely I felt, how sad I was, and what the fuck was I doing here because this is such a fucking joke. I'm doing wheels...123...and then I stand up and standing toe to toe and nose to nose is Sharath. "Oh hi!" I say. He smiles. "I have two more"I say. He tells me he'll wait (he doesn't always). I want to cry inside or maybe laugh because everything is going to be alright and it is. That's what it is like here. You are thrown into a pool and told to swim. That's how you learn. Even if you can't, they'll let you hit your edge and save you before you drown.
Tina opened her new breakfast place today on the other side of KRS Road. It was so good to see her and enjoy a little comfort food. I usually dive into the act of eating but since I've gotten here I've felt a bit detached from it. My mind is somewhere else but I'm not sure where. When I find out, I'll be sure to let myself know.
And so as I settle in, I notice that maybe people smile a little differently, the rickshaw fares have gone up, does he or doesn't he (Sharath) remember my name? Stupid little things that mean nothing but the newness still shocks the system. It's like sliding into a pair of old sandals that once fit like a glove but now your foot rests clumsily inside--different now than the imprint of the past you's foot. Same same only different.
Tired, but feeling considerably less of the jet lag. I suspect establishing some sort of routine this time around has been helpful. I still must admit that I feel completely sucked dry from all of it: leaving my love back home, family, friends, my teacher, my shala, everything to start all over from the beginning again here in Mysore. I wonder if it is like this every time you come. Everything is erased and you start from the beginning and as your experience matures, it takes less and less time to acclimate.
For instance, in practice at the end of last year's trip and in practice in New York, I found back bending after a primary only practice to be torture (relatively speaking of course). But after having my body completely destroyed in all the traveling since Thursday, I feel like the slate was wiped and leveled the playing field. Everything felt stiff and by the end I stopped thinking about it and my mind wandered to how lonely I felt, how sad I was, and what the fuck was I doing here because this is such a fucking joke. I'm doing wheels...123...and then I stand up and standing toe to toe and nose to nose is Sharath. "Oh hi!" I say. He smiles. "I have two more"I say. He tells me he'll wait (he doesn't always). I want to cry inside or maybe laugh because everything is going to be alright and it is. That's what it is like here. You are thrown into a pool and told to swim. That's how you learn. Even if you can't, they'll let you hit your edge and save you before you drown.
Tina opened her new breakfast place today on the other side of KRS Road. It was so good to see her and enjoy a little comfort food. I usually dive into the act of eating but since I've gotten here I've felt a bit detached from it. My mind is somewhere else but I'm not sure where. When I find out, I'll be sure to let myself know.
Wow. As usual, thank you for taking us with you to Mysore. I feel I"m there already!!!! Can't wait to hear how you assign the hours of your day, and the new discoveries you'll make.
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