The truth is that so far this trip has been me stepping in and then getting shook upside down by my ankles with everything flailing and change falling out of my pockets, etc. I'm questioning everything. Nothing seems real, everything seems real, nothing the way it was, and yet really clear that this is how is has always been. In short, as in practice, what has changed is me.
With this in mind, I'm doing a lot of thinking about what my priorities are and what they ought to be, what my intention is, and where I'm putting my efforts. It seems that one way to do this is to set fire to everything and then sort through to see what remains. Another way is to hold one object/concept in each hand and see if I can tell which is more important, more real, more valid, useful, and which isn't. This method is a little more challenging because we all get so attached to things we think we are--but really we are nothing.
Specifically, I'm going back and forth on what I'm doing here in India, studying at AYRI, my "career", Livingmysore.com, this blog, as well as some other things (or are they "commitments"?). So, this means that this blog in particular has an uncertain fate. I haven't made any final decisions yet, but because of this process, I've been absent from writing lately. I'm debating whether or not I'd like to go private as I'm pretty sure I want to keep writing. Tough decision though, considering I feel very strongly about sharing and access to information and all. Hmm.
With this in mind, I'm doing a lot of thinking about what my priorities are and what they ought to be, what my intention is, and where I'm putting my efforts. It seems that one way to do this is to set fire to everything and then sort through to see what remains. Another way is to hold one object/concept in each hand and see if I can tell which is more important, more real, more valid, useful, and which isn't. This method is a little more challenging because we all get so attached to things we think we are--but really we are nothing.
Specifically, I'm going back and forth on what I'm doing here in India, studying at AYRI, my "career", Livingmysore.com, this blog, as well as some other things (or are they "commitments"?). So, this means that this blog in particular has an uncertain fate. I haven't made any final decisions yet, but because of this process, I've been absent from writing lately. I'm debating whether or not I'd like to go private as I'm pretty sure I want to keep writing. Tough decision though, considering I feel very strongly about sharing and access to information and all. Hmm.
Don't let the you-know-who get you down.
ReplyDeleteThis doesn't have to do with those meanies who told you blogging is bad, does it?
ReplyDeleteyou do whatever you need to do. we love you. i will miss reading your blog if you go private, but you've gotta do what's right for you. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteWow, I really want to come over to India and kick someone's ass. Whoever told you that blogging is bad must be jealous of your beautiful gift of self-expression.
ReplyDeleteYou are so young and impressionable, Elise. Please take it from me: do what you LOVE. Not what people tell you to do or not to do.
If you feel that you have spread yourself too thin, then consolidate. But never stop expressing yourself. NEVER. And FUCK the people who don't like it. No one asked them. Or no one should have.
Srsly. Fuck the haters. I see so much bad energy disguised in newagey/faux hippie/yogi-er than thou attitudes. I love this blog and you are an amazing writer.
ReplyDeletewhen you are debating
ReplyDeletelook again in your heart,
and
you’ll see that
in truth
you are debating for that which has been your delight
Elise, don't surrender to these voices. You have a delightful blog, there is no evil in it whatever. Stay strong!
ReplyDelete“Eppur Si Muove”
- Galileo Galilei
Elsie, sounds like you have a good healthy case of existential angst, a painful, but not necessarily bad thing. I really enjoy your blog and have found it helpful and fun, but it's beginning to sound like you might have to go private for a while or close it down to give you one less thing to worry about or enclose you. If your sure inside that's what YOU want to do and that it's what you want to do for YOU and not anyone else then you should just go ahead and do it and not worry about us. We'll understand and be excited to see you again if and when you reappear sometime in the future. As for everything else going on in Mysore the lesson seems to be in the practice, just follow the breath and don't get too hung up on the bits that aren't working well, they'll come together no? Take care.
ReplyDeleteHave you read "How yoga works"? it's really beautiful and gives answers to so many questions about life and how and where your thoughts go, and how to move in the direction where the heart shows. I'm going through the same thinking about my biggies (commitments) in life, and at times it's really hard when all the questions are mixed up in the head. In those moments it's best to just breathe breathe breathe and fix your focus on that... And begin your day by being thankful for all and everyone in your life. This really works!!
ReplyDeleteTake this as a gift - a moment for you to come up with new aspects of your wonderful life. That's how I like to think when it all just seems so confusing.
Ok. that was a bit of rambling on but read the book if you haven't already! Everyone!
I just want to let you know that I really apreciate your awesome blog. It would be a big loss for me if I couldn't participate in your reflections about life. But, of course, your doubts are not about me.. You must do what feels right for you and I'll respect your desicion.
ReplyDeleteThanks again!
Hahaha yoga chickie wants to come to India too.
ReplyDeleteWelcome here.
Ursula