There's a line in the sand, a divide, between those who don't mind the squat toilet and those who do, between those who insist on toilet paper and those who don't, those squatting for their shower and those brushing their teeth with bottled and filtered water, those who eat the street food and those who bring their own coconut straws. How much of experiencing India is letting go? How much of it is accepting the circumstances? How much of it is storming ahead? How much of it is adapting? Where is the divide between becoming Indian? Pretending to be Indian? Orientalizing the experience? What about becoming the ugly American? How much do we have to try and how much should we just be ourselves?
Some people avoid Saraswati*. She is very nice and loving, but they don't want her helping them. There are many reasons that people give as to why but I don't subscribe to them at the moment. I only get adjustments in back bending and in the past I've had moments where I looked into her eyes and pleaded for an easier variation (just up and down and then hands to the floor instead of to my legs). The thing is that if she were my dance partner, we'd be stepping all over each other's toes. She'd be leading but I couldn't count her steps. So I'd try to lead but she'd reinforce that she was the man, etc. But now I see that I'm getting stronger and that I'm starting to think that I understand what she's trying to tell me and it is working. People complain that she let's go of them when she grabs for their hands and they're arched backwards dangling their arms on the brink of collapse. I've realized that OMG I can stand by myself! Amazing!
The other day after conference I saw her sitting in the office and something told me to go inside. I didn't know what I was going to say but I had this really overwhelming emotion about how people would avoid her in class. I asked her if I could sit and then something came over me and I started blabbering.
"I just wanted to say thank you and this week you've been helping me in back bending and I feel like this big opening..." I might have kept blabbering but the sound was blotted out by the sobs. I started crying and gulping air. She looked at me with her big gleaming eyes and smiled. I asked myself what the muck just happened? as I stepped out of the door.
*Saraswati is Pattabhi Jois' (Guruji's) daughter. She is in her 60's and teaches at AYRI (the shala) alongside her son, Sharath, who is the director. She has her own class in the "late" morning and assists Sharath in the "main shala" classes.
Recent interview with Sharath
I just read this really great interview by Guy in New York. I really recommend reading it.
Some people avoid Saraswati*. She is very nice and loving, but they don't want her helping them. There are many reasons that people give as to why but I don't subscribe to them at the moment. I only get adjustments in back bending and in the past I've had moments where I looked into her eyes and pleaded for an easier variation (just up and down and then hands to the floor instead of to my legs). The thing is that if she were my dance partner, we'd be stepping all over each other's toes. She'd be leading but I couldn't count her steps. So I'd try to lead but she'd reinforce that she was the man, etc. But now I see that I'm getting stronger and that I'm starting to think that I understand what she's trying to tell me and it is working. People complain that she let's go of them when she grabs for their hands and they're arched backwards dangling their arms on the brink of collapse. I've realized that OMG I can stand by myself! Amazing!
The other day after conference I saw her sitting in the office and something told me to go inside. I didn't know what I was going to say but I had this really overwhelming emotion about how people would avoid her in class. I asked her if I could sit and then something came over me and I started blabbering.
"I just wanted to say thank you and this week you've been helping me in back bending and I feel like this big opening..." I might have kept blabbering but the sound was blotted out by the sobs. I started crying and gulping air. She looked at me with her big gleaming eyes and smiled. I asked myself what the muck just happened? as I stepped out of the door.
*Saraswati is Pattabhi Jois' (Guruji's) daughter. She is in her 60's and teaches at AYRI (the shala) alongside her son, Sharath, who is the director. She has her own class in the "late" morning and assists Sharath in the "main shala" classes.
Recent interview with Sharath
I just read this really great interview by Guy in New York. I really recommend reading it.
Beautiful post. Your heart is opening. Those tears are not of sadness, let them flow freely.
ReplyDeletePS. Sorry for the email. I should not write it.
It's funny what comes up, right? Good post, Elise!
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