A week in review: Poop, Poses, Sharath, Gommateshwara, Wild beasts, and Ayurvedic Massages

Daily posts are better. A lot happens in a day and now I have to mush them all together. I am scrambling to catch up. But I'll try. This sounds like a long post but actually I get distracted and it starts to taper off at the end.

Poop:

There is that scary moment when you are about to crap your pants for real. You feel this curling cold sensation up the back of your neck. It's panic because you know that you could easily loose control of your bodily functions and be stuck cleaning shit out of your pant leg in about an hour's time. Your mind realizes that actually many of your bodily functions happen on their own and if you begin to doubt your ability to control them at this point, you're going to be in serious trouble.

I was farting these real stinky ones at a friend's house. He gave me a very large dose of wormwood extract and grapefruit seed extract because the farts smelled a lot like eggs which could mean giardia and the extracts will kill anything. I drank it down and started the walk home. What I didn't know was that this concoction was like the five point palm-exploding heart technique, five steps out the door and two farts later, I had a fart that was not going to be a fart at all. Gross but true. What's an India story without some dilemma of the bowels?

Okay so I knew I really had to go right away. So I walked faster and then the mind started going and questioning and I started running. I contemplated squatting in the bushes but the possibility of an unexpected meeting with a cobra kept me running. My bowels knew I was close to my house before anything else and a good punch in the belly had me sweating and running faster but running is tricky when you're about to crap your pants so it was more of a quick waddle...Let's end it there. I didn't crap my pants. The end.

Poses:
Yesterday I got parsva dhanurasana, ustrasana, and laghu vajrasana. Today I got a stamp of approval and also got kapotasana.

Sharath:
More on this later. But--apparently we're supposed to read. Imagine! Also we're supposed to be thinking more about the yamas and niyamas. But what are those? Hmm.

Gommateshwara:
Is this big ole statue that we drove a long way to see. We had to walk up the stairs--barefoot--to see it. Fun.

Wild beasts:
The zoo is cool. People are crazy.

Ayurvedic Massage:
Is nice.

So I think it is obvious that I need to be in a quiet space to write. Thanks for helping to shape this post John.

You are what you eat

So maybe I take things just a little too seriously sometimes.

Food. It all comes down to food. What you put in your body. And although I think I live a healthy lifestyle, I admit that I've been relatively reckless since Wednesday. The result, feeling like crap (but not being able to) before practice. But today I got up early with plenty of time to sit in pasasana, do nauli kriya, kundalini stimulation exercises, breathe through my left nostril, drink a cup of hot water, and sit and simply try. All to no avail. I was really pissed off when I finally rolled out my mat. I think I was mad because I felt out of control. It wasn't really the fact that I was born without a "poop now" button, so much as I suppose I wasn't being mindful yesterday or the day before. My mind turned to mush and so did my inner chef.

The one thing that this all keeps boiling down to is what are you eating? Why are you eating like a maniac? Why are you sleep walking to the kitchen and force feeding yourself? WHY!?

I don't know! And I kind of do.

Anyway, back to practice...I was really pissed off and kind of lethargic feeling. Then Christina, Guy's Sunday assistant (bless her heart), tried to assist me in pasasana and I don't know why but I just wasn't having any of it. It was probably a lot like changing the diaper of an extremely unruly toddler. I just felt like my practice was poop and didn't want anyone to touch me and tell me its alright or help me or whatever. I was being really mean. "Oh you can't do this and you can't do that because you can't even take a shit before practice." But turns out I could. I was doing all the things that bring up drama even on a good day with less effort. I even crossed and lowered in karandavasana (for one second) all by myself. Even grabbed ankles in back bending when I thought I couldn't suck more.

Funny.

Funny how thinking all about my anus probably helped keep my awareness there and made the practice very grounded and centered. I mean, I REALLY knew where my pelvis was because I was telling it what a good for nothing...it was.

Okay. Laughing time now.

Saw "Point Break" last night. Amazing. "Young, dumb, and full of cum."

Live to practice or practice to live

I missed and missed practice at the shala this morning. It wasn't my fault, but was probably for the best. Spent half an hour waiting on a train platform to get there and when it was clear that the train was either not coming or I was going to be way too late, I walked home.

I haven't had coffee in years. I hadn't had a deuce since Monday. I decided that instead of farting up the shala, I'd get a coffee and take matters into my own hands. It worked. And now I get a nice practice at home with music in the background. And why not? Was today the day I'd get karandavasana? Maybe. Should that matter? Nope. Do I live to practice or practice to live?

Teaching yoga. Oh, teaching yoga. So great, so fun, so rewarding. So hard, so challenging, so annoying. Yesterday, I taught way too much, was way too tired, had a hard emotional weekend, was angrily constipated and snapped at a student. I felt and still feel horrible.

Teaching yoga is hard and it isn't just "teaching" yoga. What is it that students want and what on earth are they coming for? To sweat? To lose weight? For spiritual peace? To stretch? To do crazy shit? It could be none or all of those reasons and more and somehow as the teacher you're supposed to cater to all of this or none of this. It shouldn't matter, you should be able to teach what you feel is best for the students. But that isn't always the case. Numbers count and you've got to pay your rent. I've found that most people want a cushy, nice teacher, who will help boost their ego in a not so obvious way. Hey, I'm probably that student too to some extent, or at least have been at one point or another. Very few really want to do the real work. This isn't to say that people don't come to class with good intentions, they do. It is that it is hard to develop and things that are hard aren't always fun.

In a recent post, Steve Dwelley talks about fundamentalists in yoga and Guy responds:

"A lot of times we are confronted in life with our likes and dislikes, laziness, apathy, greed etc…. in yoga practice too! If every time as a practitioner we say: “today I dont feel like doing any forward bends, only backbends, or today I feel like breathing through my mouth” and the teacher says: “fine, whatever”, then the student will never develop a true and healthy practice.

Part of going into yoga is over coming our subjective likes and dislikes and going through a process of dissolving the ego. For this strong and consistent discipline is required. If the practice is changing daily it cannot act as a reference point for Self knowledge, if the teacher also changes his or her tune daily, he or she can also not act as such a reference point."

Some days the classes are small and the students give me angry little faces. It takes it all out of me. Other days, everything clicks and we are all better for it. I try to detach myself from these ups and downs and try to stay true to the fact that I am giving my best and always doing all I can to look out for the students. I'm human like everyone else and get attached to these fluctuations. It is hard. Its a practice.

Feeling light (everybody poops)

Spent some time kicking, floating, falling, and jumping back from pincha today. My practice is short, which is nice because I have lots of time to play! I've managed to land in chaturanga, however the hand shift is going to take some time. I was able to bend my knees on two attempts in pincha to get that "whip" effect. I'm still learning and have a long way to go.

Confession: I was super stressed out yesterday pre-practice about poop. Yes, poop. I often have a bit of a not going problem. I have myself on a very strict daily routine all catered around producing a deuce. I've pretty much given up on the pre-practice empty-out and on days when it does happen, I'm thrilled. My practice is lighter, my bandhas are stronger, and it just feels healthier. So anyway, I was pretty stressed out thinking there was no way I'd be able to do anything because I was bloated and etc. I had to not think about it and just practice.

It is interesting to me how growing up in magazines and such I've learned that a couple of times per week is normal. But now, I realize there is a difference between something being "normal" and something being "common". With the quality of food and diets here in the US, it is no wonder that every other TV ad is for a fiber supplemented product. I've been on an India-themed book reading spree, and they have all in some way made reference to the act of the daily deed. For instance, in Shantaram, the main character goes out to the river to do his doo with everyone else in the slum early in the morning. I have never been able to go on demand (obviously).

But I think that over time, yoga really gets us to pay attention to ourselves. Guruji says to "control" your anus. This implies not only your mulhabandha, but also your entire digestive system. Perhaps over time with yoga, we learn to be mindful about the crap we put into our bodies so that at the end of the day, we are able to get it out.

I love when I get really deep into practice. When I don't think about getting up to go and still end up walking through the door. It is during these times that I really am conscious about my body, thinking of my food as fuel, and forging a mind/body dialogue. I think part of it is being able to see every twenty four hours that my body is capable of much more than sitting, walking, seeing, talking, thinking, and tasting. After witnessing that, I can't help but want to do everything I can to support this amazing vessel. For all the time I've spent hating and trying to improve my body, feeling this way is such a gift. Thank you ashtanga! Thank you Guruji!

More about poop than you ever wanted to know: the Bristol Stool Scale

PS- pincha mayurasana has improved my drop backs!

PSS- David Williams says that yoga has a 24 hour expiration date.