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Black out

There are things I want to remember. Like my friend who is convinced she is going to go back and have a baby. I want to remember what it is like to sit with her now. I want to remember this feeling of anticipation for my friend who will have a baby in nine days. The unknown. I want to remember the pure frustration this morning when I stared at our dirty sink covered with hairs and trails of ants. The sky full of stars when I remembered to look up on the way to the shala this morning. The silhouette of a horse in the field at 4:30am. Balancing on my forearms with my legs above and the lights go out and it is pitch black. I am there for one breath and thirty minutes. It is a place without time and I feel like the last person in the universe. The lights go back on and I cross my legs in karandavasana and start to turn the free fall into a feather landing on water. Start to.

A girl in pincha mayurasana at the old shala from Govinda Kai's photostream.

Karandavasana is coming and practice guidelines for girls

Russell


Olaf


Unknown

Just some things in the back of my mind...(karandavasana is the next pose in second series.)

The thing is, women aren't really expected to come up from Karandavasana. The rare exception is just that--a rare exception. People say that you have to have really strong bandhas (which is probably one of the places where "bandhas like a man" came from). This implies that men have stronger bandhas than women. This bothers me very much. But what if it is true? What if we really do have different bodies and different capabilities and different practices?

Yesterday in conference, somehow the class got on to the subject of nauli kriya. In nauli kriya, one pulls the belly in and does a crazy sideways rippling massage thing.


Nauli kriya is supposed to be good for toning the digestive system and for improving the bandhas...however, Sharath said that if women want to have babies, they should never do it. Oops.

So, it seems there is a men's and women's practice.

Don't you see I love you? And tips for karandavasana

Picture me shaking a rag doll viciously while screaming "I LOVE YOU!" while its head bobs back and forth and the stitch securing its button eye loosens and the eye is dangling down. And now imagine that the rag doll and I take turns shaking each other but we can't seem to figure out how to both be rag dolls or people at the same time. It goes like this: Hug the doll, love the doll, freak out and shake the doll, hug the doll again.

I wanted to practice, I wanted to swim, instead I'll run around this fantastic city and hopefully remember to remember that it won't be surrounding me tomorrow.

Kirsten's Tips for Karandavasana
1. Be sure to make the lotus as tight as possible
2. Stretch your knees up to the sky first as if someone were pulling you up. This helps you to find the bandhas
3. Steady your breath
4. Simultaneously lean your shoulders forward as you wrap your pelvis around an imaginary monkey bar. Aim your knees for your kidneys.
5. As you move, think of being inside a cylinder. You are compacting yourself and dropping straight down.
6. You have to lean your chin forward more than you think (like in bhujapidasana) to counterbalance perching your knees on your arms.
7. And then you come up and jump back. The end.

My tips for karandavasana?
1. Picture yourself on the main lawn of central park having yoga playtime/picnic with friends.
2. Be calm, relaxed, almost lazy--the grass smells fresh
3. Look forward as much as possible--you can see your thumbs and past that thousands of blades of grass
4. Stay soft yet in control--the grass is cool under your forearms
5. Nick your upper arms and then bounce to the floor butt first. Then laugh and try again.

Could you please hold for a moment?

Sure, I'll hold.
As if I have another option.

6 days until my flight to India.

[Sigh.]

I just want to be alone. I feel like I have been living in a thrift store the last couple of weeks--lots of things once held dear. I just taught my last class and all my checks are in the mail (or so they say). The "throw out" stuff is thrown out. The "giveaway" stuff is given away. The "to sell" stuff is being sold. I've said a lot of goodbyes. I'm unraveling a sweater. I'm a tied-down hot air balloon waiting to float into the sky.

I need to check with my supervisor, can you please hold again?
Yes, of course.

My asana practice is a TV on in another room. I'm going, I'm practicing, and then it's the next day again. But even when I'm not looking at the TV, the shows keep playing and in practice the same holds true. I let out a yelp when I landed on my upper arms in karandavasana and then went on with my day as if it happened to someone else or me in a future time.

Waiting is the hardest part. Or is it being on hold?

You'll need to dial this number instead.

I wonder what a snake feels like when it crawls out of its own skin or a snail that trades its home for another. Is it like a much wanted shower or is it like a small death?

Nose dive

One! two! three--pincha--four.

five! six--karan--floor!

Ah karandavasana.  The many lessons learned.  With this practice, when we realize that we "are", then we realize that we have to start from the beginning.  And then we wake up again and realize that we "are" and that we have to start from the beginning.  

I'm in karandavasana (or is it "on" or "doing" or "being" or "trying"?).  No, go back.

I've kicked up to pincha mayurasana.  I realize that I am here I am awake I am breathing that I could choose to give up and fall or choose to ride the wave of where I am.  I realize I am breathing.  I am having an out-of-body-experience inside my body.  But it isn't my head, it it somewhere higher--my thighs perhaps?  I fold one leg, I fold the other.  (It feels more like stitching to me.)  I squeeze them tighter.  I lean my chest forward and PLOP! I've landed for a split second on my upper arms before falling on my butt.  This was the third attempt.  The others were like cliff diving (minus the diving and more like a canon ball but less like a belly flop with arms flailing which is an improvement).  I try one more time and it is back to the diving but at least I had that moment of clarity where time stops and someone whispers the clue and my body starts to do what it must have been born to do.

Then Guy comes over.  I triumphantly cross on my own.  I begin to lower down confident in my new insight on how I will figure out this puzzle.  Guy's confidence must have matched my own because--did he notice that I landed on my nose?  Finished the rest of the pose without a hitch, but spent a few moments reminiscing of back when he taught me bhujapidasana and the exit vinyasa and all the nose dives it took for me to figure that one out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyU3Gs6zTUQ
 

You wake up and realize the mattress you are sleeping on is in the middle of a lake.  You paddle back to the shore.

Practice framing the moondays is always a mix of haphazard experiences.  I'm really light, I'm really heavy.  I'm really strong, I'm really weak.  I lose my balance, I'm spot on.  Happy for the day off.

Okay, so there have been quite a few requests for a part 2 in the "how the @#%! do you...?" series (jump back).  I'm thinking about it...

If you haven't joined the livingmysore magazine google group to receive notices of when we have a new mag out, be sure to do so here.  Also, we are collecting submissions for the July issue...  

Of bird feathers, bird bones, and back bends (...mayurasana)

Sometimes there is a formula for when you get a pose. You sense it coming, look up at the right time, know the teacher is talking to you, and you go for it--giddy, but prepared. Other times you can't believe it is here, can't really understand why (because you weren't "Yoga Journal" perfect), but soon realize it is because your teacher thinks you're ready, and just maybe your practice looks like it is your practice--you approach the asanas knowing what you're after rather than jumping into a body of water when you know you can't swim.

Today, I was surprised when I was told to jump forward after karandavasana. Let's be clear. I am not coming down and up on my own. But I am crossing on my own, I'm kicking with confidence. I've lost the picture perfect jump back, but I'm genuinely trying (most of the time to get it back). I really thought I'd be here until at least I could lower down by myself like a pro. But I guess I must have looked ready, maybe I just needed a break from the pressure, maybe Guy wants to show me poses so that I'm not dumbstruck in Mysore, or maybe he saw my pretty little flying moments and thought they looked promising. Who knows.

When I heard him say "jump forward" I knew the timing was spot on with my breath and I looked up like, "really?" I knew Mayurasana was a challenging pose, but as always, I was overwhelmed with how challenging it was keeping the vinyasa and in the "correct ashtanga" hand position. I went through the whole thing twice to remember the vinyasa and was gushing sweat.

I have to confess. I have maybe been sabotaging my practice just a little. There are some places where I know I could stick to the vinyasa and maybe be stronger, but I am holding back and entertaining the thoughts and the fears and the drama because I'm scared. I'm scared of what's coming of second series. I'm scared that it will be revealed that I'm a phony. That all along I've just been cheating and acting and never really that "deserving" or dedicated. They (don't know who this refers to) will know that I'm not flexible, that I'm not strong, that I think a lot. That I'm not good enough. It will all be revealed. I'm scared that I won't be able to perform day after day. (I know it isn't a performance, but I'm being honest here, so some compassion please.) And now, my bluff has been called. With all this business of trying not to get a pose and acting really tired after karandavasana and all the drama before back bending and I get a new pose. Grr. And yay!

Again through practice I tried to think "light" when I felt "heavy", I tried to jump high and focus on mulabandha, I tried not to think in back bends (unless the thoughts were positive and encouraging), and funny enough, I felt comfortable and even in my back bends and maybe even good again. I hope it lasts.

One last note on practice: my arms fall asleep every now and then in supta vajrasana making bakasana incredibly "unfun", however, not impossible. Some days I ignore it and go for it. Other days like today I make a big show (the biggest show yet) of making faces and waving my arms about. The pain is worse on the big show days. Interesting.


On Food:

On the way to the shala this morning I decided that the best practice for me in terms of my attitude toward food is this: asking myself "is this helpful?" Every time I want to eat or feel like eating or am around food, I will try to ask myself "is this helpful?" Inside this question are other questions like:

why do I want to eat this?
what are my motivations?
am I hungry?
does this food have a positive affect on my body and mind?
will eating this make me happy an hour or not?

Sometimes the answer will be "I am hungry, this is nourishing and will make me healthy and strong". Sometimes the answer will be "my heart is hungry, I need to eat this, I deserve this". And every variation in between.

Possibly more practical would be using the model I kept back in my macrobiotic vegan days:

Is it sattvic (calming)?
Is it whole, local, organic?

That was, all in all, a very boring time in my gastronomic history. I remember looking at my arms and feeling so frail. I want to feel strong!

I get back after practice and throw on "The View" where they are discussing this recent study on how women would prefer to have cancer rather than be fat. Yikes!

Of bird bones, bird feathers, and back bends...(mayurasana)

Sometimes there is a formula for when you get a pose.  You sense it coming, look up at the right time, know the teacher is talking to you, and you go for it--giddy, but prepared.  Other times you can't believe it is here, can't really understand why (because you weren't "Yoga Journal" perfect), but soon realize it is because your teacher thinks you're ready, and just maybe your practice looks like it is your practice--you approach the asanas knowing what you're after rather than jumping into a body of water when you know you can't swim.

Today, I was surprised when I was told to jump forward after karandavasana.  Let's be clear.  I am not coming down and up on my own.  But I am crossing on my own, I'm kicking with confidence.  I've lost the picture perfect jump back, but I'm genuinely trying (most of the time to get it back).  I really thought I'd be here until at least I could lower down by myself like a pro.  But I guess I must have looked ready, maybe I just needed a break from the pressure, maybe Guy wants to show me poses so that I'm not dumbstruck in Mysore, or maybe he saw my pretty little flying moments and thought they looked promising.  Who knows.  

When I heard him say "jump forward"  I knew the timing was spot on with my breath and I looked up like, "really?"  I knew Mayurasana was a challenging pose, but as always, I was overwhelmed with how challenging it was keeping the vinyasa and in the "correct ashtanga" hand position.  I went through the whole thing twice to remember the vinyasa and was gushing sweat.  

I have to confess.  I have maybe been sabotaging my practice just a little.  There are some places where I know I could stick to the vinyasa and maybe be stronger, but I am holding back and entertaining the thoughts and the fears and the drama because I'm scared.  I'm scared of what's coming of second series.  I'm scared that it will be revealed that I'm a phony.  That all along I've just been cheating and acting and never really that "deserving" or dedicated.  They (don't know who this refers to) will know that I'm not flexible, that I'm not strong, that I think a lot.  That I'm not good enough.  It will all be revealed.  I'm scared that I won't be able to perform day after day.  (I know it isn't a performance, but I'm being honest here, so some compassion please.)  And now, my bluff has been called.  With all this business of trying not to get a pose an acting really tired after karandavasana and all the drama before back bending and I get a new pose.  Grr.  And yay!

Video of mayurasana minus the vinyasa.  Not as hard for me:

Video of mayurasana plus vinyasa:

Again through practice I tried to think "light" when I felt "heavy", I tried to jump high and focus on mulabandha, I tried not to think in back bends (unless the thoughts were positive and encouraging), and funny enough, I felt comfortable and even in my back bends and maybe even good again.  I hope it lasts.

One last note on practice:  my arms fall asleep every now and then in supta vajrasana making bakasana incredibly "unfun", however, not impossible.  Some days I ignore it and go for it.  Other days like today I make a big show (the biggest show yet) of making faces and waving my arms about.  The pain is worse on the big show days.  Interesting.

On Food:

On the way to the shala this morning I decided that the best practice for me in terms of my attitude toward food is this:  asking myself "is this helpful?"  Every time I want to eat or feel like eating or am around food, I will try to ask myself "is this helpful?"  Inside this question are other questions like:

why do I want to eat this?

what are my motivations?

am I hungry?

does this food have a positive affect on my body and mind?

will eating this make me happy an hour or not?

Sometimes the answer will be "I am hungry, this is nourishing and will make me healthy and strong".  Sometimes the answer will be "my heart is hungry, I need to eat this, I deserve this".  And every variation in between.  

Possibly more practical would be using the model I kept back in my macrobiotic vegan days:

Is it sattvic?

Is it whole, local, organic?

 

That was all in all a very boring time in my gastronomic history.  I remember looking at my arms and feeling so frail.  I want to feel strong!

I get back after practice and throw on "The View" where they are discussing this recent study on how women would prefer to have cancer rather than be fat.  Yikes!  

You are what you eat

So maybe I take things just a little too seriously sometimes.

Food. It all comes down to food. What you put in your body. And although I think I live a healthy lifestyle, I admit that I've been relatively reckless since Wednesday. The result, feeling like crap (but not being able to) before practice. But today I got up early with plenty of time to sit in pasasana, do nauli kriya, kundalini stimulation exercises, breathe through my left nostril, drink a cup of hot water, and sit and simply try. All to no avail. I was really pissed off when I finally rolled out my mat. I think I was mad because I felt out of control. It wasn't really the fact that I was born without a "poop now" button, so much as I suppose I wasn't being mindful yesterday or the day before. My mind turned to mush and so did my inner chef.

The one thing that this all keeps boiling down to is what are you eating? Why are you eating like a maniac? Why are you sleep walking to the kitchen and force feeding yourself? WHY!?

I don't know! And I kind of do.

Anyway, back to practice...I was really pissed off and kind of lethargic feeling. Then Christina, Guy's Sunday assistant (bless her heart), tried to assist me in pasasana and I don't know why but I just wasn't having any of it. It was probably a lot like changing the diaper of an extremely unruly toddler. I just felt like my practice was poop and didn't want anyone to touch me and tell me its alright or help me or whatever. I was being really mean. "Oh you can't do this and you can't do that because you can't even take a shit before practice." But turns out I could. I was doing all the things that bring up drama even on a good day with less effort. I even crossed and lowered in karandavasana (for one second) all by myself. Even grabbed ankles in back bending when I thought I couldn't suck more.

Funny.

Funny how thinking all about my anus probably helped keep my awareness there and made the practice very grounded and centered. I mean, I REALLY knew where my pelvis was because I was telling it what a good for nothing...it was.

Okay. Laughing time now.

Saw "Point Break" last night. Amazing. "Young, dumb, and full of cum."

Skinny and Sweet (There is an exception to every rule & NYC made me skinny)

There are a couple of new women practicing at the shala (doing second series).  One of them is practicing full second plus part of third.  I spied (post practice of course) her pincha and karandavasana and the woman totally had a Manju-as-a-child-pincha-photo banana back.  And she could bind her legs by herself and she could come down and almost come up (you could tell she can come up on days when she is up to it).  And her back was flat--almost even back bending--when she was resting on her arms.  *shrug*  Just goes to show that a)its not about the poses b)its about practice c)it takes patience d)every body is different.

Post-India Notes:

While getting dressed in the shala today I noticed that my big bra (the biggest size post-India) is too big.  India made me fat.  New York made me thin.  Ha ha.

Life/practice notes:

Had the WORST allergies today.  Could barely open my eyes this morning as they were so swollen.  Thought I had pink eye or something.  Yuck.  Felt so ill that I really thought I wouldn't make it to practice.  Low back is bothering too but I think its from adjusting people while I have bad posture.  In back bending I took it easy--just ankles.  (That is so ridiculous.  I am now really praying at the end of eka pada.  "Dear God, thank you for blessing me with legs, legs that work, legs that are able to do this crazy shit.  Thanks!)

Things I like/don't like:

Couldn't get through the first three pages of "Midnight's Children".  I must be a bad person.  Laughed my head off last night at "Nine-to-Five".  Absolutely infatuated with Amy Winehouse.

Spring in New York

Has it officially begun?  Not sure, but I love it!  It is on days like this that walking down the street is a pleasure.  The city is so full of people--and so is the shala.  It has been positively packed lately.  I really like it that way.  Having so many possible distractions helps me focus.  And when I get to poses like pincha mayurasana, it makes me face my fears of falling over onto someone.  (Haven't hit anyone yet, but have scared a few unsuspecting practice neighbors.)  The only drawback for me is that it gets very hot and humid.  Not unbearably so, but enough to make it more challenging for me to breathe.  I have a tendency toward exertional asthma and used to carry an inhaler as a kid.  With the high pollen count this year pre-practice and the humidity in practice, I have quite an opportunity to work on my breathing.

I find that, on days like today, it is helpful because I don't feel 100% and am less apt to get competitive with myself.  Instead, I just tell myself to breathe and focus on bandha and it all just kind of unfolds on its own.  And then I kind of fold into karandavasana!  Well, the first part anyway.  

In the short time that I've been working karandavasana, I feel like I've learned some big lessons.  To come down (for me at least) it is essential that I am able to hollow out my belly first.  This is practically impossible on days like today where I cross on my own and then lose my balance and shift too much toward my elbows (like I'm going to fall on my belly).  I think Guy took this as a cue that I was ready to come down, so I came down, flexed my belly like crazy, and then muscled back up.  I have to have my hips over my head and then inhale.  In this position, I am not gripping my belly like death and am able to hollow it out on the exhale and then fold down into the pose.  This part is tricky.  If (when I hollow and come down) my hips aren't leaning toward my hands and shoulders moving forward, then I crash down on my butt.  I am not some bulky guy that can just hover.  I have to be able to build architecture that will work.  Its coming...

Spent the afternoon with Rachel soaking up sun in Central Park, debating universal health care systems, and giving each other yoga tips.  Rachel asked to see karandavasana.  Everything is easier on the grass.

Junk drawer post

Think so you can learn how to stop thinking.  This yoga stuff is funny.  Between all the thinking about my relationships to people and things and philosophy with Guy and everything I was thinking so much about the sound of white noise that the thinking became white noise and then I wasn't thinking because I was thinking and I crossed my legs by myself in karandavasana--and I held myself there...away from the wall!  The thing is, I didn't really notice until after practice.  

This is my favorite time of year in New York.  It is just so...optimistic.  Baby birds try flying prematurely, fall to the pavement, and then get crushed under shoes.  One moment you smell blossoms on your way down the sidewalk and the next moment it is hot pee.  The weather is beautiful and flesh is exposed for the first time (its a scary white/green/grey color).  The catcalling is back and starts out sweet ("god bless you, princess") and sometimes ends up sour ("you got me so hard--come back baby").

And now the dream sequence:

I had this dream last night featuring Sherri Shephard, Oprah Winfrey, and someone else whom I can't recall at 

the moment (let's just say it was Diane Keaton).  They were drunk in the basement lounge of a Staples.  I was very disappointed with Sherri because Oprah is a bad influence on her.  She put on a bunch of weight, and all three of them were behaving ridiculously, their clothes were falling off, just melting

 off them from the drunkenness.  Then my Mom showed up and poked Sherri, asking her why she let herself get to this point.  And then of course, in come Lucy Liu in Kill Bill and she's threatening to chop heads off if anyone mentions she is part Chinese and American (not just Japanese).  

Hey Adam, how's that for a bit of self absorption and inexpensive therapy?  :)  I think you're right.  Sometimes it is hard to see it, but  "I don't know how, but some way, it always works out in the end".

PS- Congratulations on solo handstand sans wall!  Knew you could do it!

Suck it in!

Today I had a focus--vacuum stomach.  I was tired and sore and mentally exhausted but figured that if I could just really focus on that one thing, then I could get through it.  Paying attention made me pay attention.  You can't rush through a serious stomach vacuum and it might make you need to pee!  When I got up to go, I was all fuzzy headed and "blissy".  

Jumping was higher and lighter.  Everything had just a little more length, just a little more space.  But it wore me out.  Pincha and karan jump back?  Forget it!  I knew that my body couldn't take it today (partly because of a moonday coming up).  That said, I felt a difference in karandavasana for sure.  I felt hollowed out and rounded like a little ball and my legs were noticeably higher on my arms.  

Wheels were a trial.  Each time I lifted up a rib ached here, a joint there, everything feeling fragile and tender.  I stood up and just breathed for a little bit, looking down, thinking how much this was going to hurt.  And then I was like, "wait a second--no more thinking!  Just breathe, just move."  So that's what I did.  Some were fast, some were slow.  But I can't remember ever grabbing ankles with feet that parallel before...

After the forward bend I was thinking about how I had to really work on lift ups, yadda, yadda, as I lifted up and jumped back without touching my feet to the floor.  Really!  I wanted to squeal with delight--and of course no one saw.  If a tree falls in the forest...

Why is this a revelation?  Because although I don't usually touch my feet to the ground when I jump back, I'll usually give it a swing and/or push off from the back of my arms.  But today, none of that.  Now I can barely make it up the stairs :)

Karan(davasana) knows best and all those dark corners

"Don't engage, suck in!"  Huh?  Really?  Apparently, I am trying so hard to engage and "grip" in karandavasana that I am pressing my stomach out and flexing like crazy.  I'm surprised I don't pop out a poop right in mid-air like I'm pushing out to give birth.  So, stop manhandling the pose, and stop trying to be a boy muscling into everything.  (Imagine me?  The one with no muscles, muscling into poses?)  Start refining.  Start connecting with the roots of my own practice.  Start practicing like me--like a girl.  And furthermore, what girl doesn't know how to suck in her stomach?  

So I try again and again and can't for the life of me figure out how to disengage my fury of muscles and suck in like (gasp) uddiyana bandha (duh).  I've gotten a couple of extra-curricular "exercises" to help gain some intelligence in karandavasana.

Phase 1

1.  In headstand, take padmasana

2.  Practice crossing padmasana in shoulderstand without using hands

Phase 2

3.  Practice crossing legs by oneself in pincha or at wall

4.  practice lifting the lead off the floor in headstand to learn how to engage core

Phase 3

5.  Practice lowering padmasana legs in headstand and coming back up

6.  Practice taking padmasana in tripod headstand and lowering to backs of arms

Ok, cool.  I go to the back of class and commence shoulderstand and think (for a moment) of what poses relate to this that I could work on?  I'm already putting all I've got into bandhas and jumping and lifting and so what's left?  As I'm thinking this, I see the answer is literally right in front of me.  I have mulabandha, but my stomach is sticking out in shoulderstand.  It is strong, but not sucking in.  So I make this the focus.  Not so bad in shoulderstand, but nearly impossible for me in halasana and karnapidasana.  And then I realize all these things, right in front of my eyes, that I've just been brushing by, just skimming over, just letting go.  I make and extra effort in urdhva padmasana and pindasana.  It was hard!  I was really uncomfortable and remembered why I just stopped bothering.  My floating ribs are sensitive and this made them really uncomfortable.  But today I adjusted and found a way and there it was.

On to headstand.  25 breaths there, halfway 10 breaths, came back up, the whole time really focusing on the sucking in.  When I could do it, I felt taller and more stable and I could actually feel my abs working in a much different way.  Then I took padmasana and took an inhale.  Then I exhaled everything out and at the bottom of the exhale sucked my belly toward my spine and lowered down and then came up.  What the #$@!?  It worked!  I did it again and again going lower each time.  Positively giddy, I did the tripod version and same thing.

The question now is:  can I figure out how to feel stable enough in pincha that I can have enough time to relax by belly for even just one second to be able to suck in?  I think it must be possible.  I did it in the headstands...

Earlier, after back bending, my teacher reassured me that the student next to me was stuck in the pose for a few years before going on to the next.  Thanks.  

It is definitely an entry point into a whole other level of practice.  If you've managed to sneak by without making many life changes up until this point, now it comes.  Time to really think about sleep, energy, food, relationships, concentration, emotions, mental state,  trishtana, etc.  But it isn't all for the pose.  The pose is a means.  It is reflecting life changes that one should be making to be healthier and happier just because.  If there is ever a place where a student is challenged to transform, it is here.

In the meantime, other things have changed while I wasn't looking.  The jumps are jumpier. The floats are "floatier".  Krounchasana does leave me feeling electrocuted anymore.  My left heel touches the floor in bhekasana, I don't have to cross my fingers in laguvajrasana, kapotasana is consistent, arms straight in bakasana are close.  The eka padas are actually getting comfortable.  I can cross fairly deeply in dwi pada, yoganidrasana is fab, and tittibhasana is showing much improvement!  I can swing straight legs (with much effort into B).  I'm taking a deeper bind in C and I can see my belly (which is not sucked in) in D.  

I'm in the middle of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" which makes me want to get back into learning french.  

Watched "Sisters" with Chloe Sevigny the other night.  Really weird.  But in a good way.

How NOT to do karandavasana and other lessons learned when going from pc to mac

I don't know that I was born a pc person.  We've had a couple of old macs in the past.  But it just turned out that I always seemed to have pcs around.  So, I got to know them well enough.  I knew the little shortcuts and some better-than-average problem solving techniques.  I feel comfortable turning on a pc, knowing that I can figure them out.  I understand their language, or at least I understand my own limitations within that language.  

I just got a mac.  Knowing how confident I am with pcs, I didn't give the conversion much thought.  It would be easy.  And it was... sort of.  We said "hi" to each other and exchanged a few simple courtesies like "where are you from", etc.  But once we tried to carry on a deeper conversation, I quickly realized that we weren't understanding each other too well.  It's kind of like speaking to someone who speaks your language, only with an accent that makes it nearly impossible to understand them when they get comfortable and begin speaking faster like they do with their friends.  

So how does this relate to yoga, and in particular, karandavasana?  Well, you see, I have an ipod and for whatever reason, they make it really difficult to transfer your library from one computer to another.  Now this is something I've always accepted.  But now that I have a new computer and I'm recycling the old one, I feel like this is completely unjust and that their must be a way.  Many failed attempts later, I've got it!  I figured it out!  Useful tool: "How to transfer itunes library to new computer".

This pc to mac transition has been challenging.  One thing after another has been like this.  But just as the ipod should be able to transfer info from one place to another--a conduit for information, if you will--the lessons from life and yoga seem to reflect the other.  I think I am saying that I'm an ipod.

Anyway--

So, just as I'm learning about and facing this new challenge of mac "usership", I am also learning about and facing this new challenge of karandavasana (or new pose) "usership".  For example, day one of mac, I couldn't figure out how to connect to the internet, flipped out, and then waited patiently for help.  Day one of karandavasana, I couldn't figure out to connect with bandha, breath, drishti, flipped over, and then waited reluctantly for help.  I feel like the ability to recognize a limitation, walk away when required, and patiently work toward a solution, are all skills and attributes learned from yoga practice and learning any new skill.  I feel like the ability to learn something new, tackle the unknown, and keep an open mind are all being cultivated when learning a new skill (such as using a mac) and from yoga practice.  

The point-

Nothing is impossible.  It might take time, but there is always a free software program out there that will give you what you need to figure it out to make it work.  But first, you kind of have to figure out what doesn't work.

How not to do karandavasana

1.  Loose your tristana (bandhas, breathing, drishti)

2.  Think

3.  Kick like a weakling, weenie

4.  Kick like a maniac

5.  Give up

6.  Cross your legs loosely

7.  Stick out your ribs when going down (although this is okay for some people--but this is my list!)

8.  Give up

9.  Stick out your ribs when coming up

10.  Give up

11.  Noodle legs

12.  Give up

No one was born doing padmasana or any other pose, for that matter, straight out of their mother.  No one was born mac or pc.  Time, patience, practice, we can all be multiple computer ipods.

Constant "asana-ing"

Yesterday's Post:
I'm locking up my bike after riding home from a class with no students and I'm thinking, "what the hell am I doing?" Am I really one of those crazy, hippie, new age weirdos that walks away from "rational" life choices, straight into the chaos of an open-ended trip to who knows what end? Part of me keeps saying that I am testing the limits. I am seeing how far I can get from ...

Didn't finish it. Day turned out to be too busy. Anyway, on to today!

I'm sitting on my heels, breathing after karandavasana.

"Am I doing any of it?" I ask.

"Yes, you're the one wobbling," I laugh.

I have to change everything, think of everything in terms of getting light, learning to fly, karandavasana. It has given me a new perspective on practice and how to approach the asanas for sure. When you're thinking of kurmasana, you think about how everything can open your hips. When you're thinking about ustrasana, you're thinking about getting into your upward dogs. When you're thinking about karandavasana, you're thinking about how to keep your mind in your pelvis and to keep it light.

Just some musings, because, well, I think that's what I do!

Currently reading: Into the Wild
Earlier today: slept through the opera, Satyagraha.

Duck, duck,...goose!

I will wear a grin all day...Today I got karandavasana!

This is a moment that I NEVER thought would happen. Never ever. I suppose the next moment that could possibly never happen is coming up and going down with integrity, but there is no rush.

Feeling very productive and super-amped from practice, I published April's Livingmysore magazine and am now watching karandavasana videos on youtube while the sun shines in through my window. Sometimes I really like my life.

"Karandavasana" from reynoldl


"Karandavasana" from ashtangaboi


"Sanya's karandavasana" from yogayantra


"Karandavasana - Demo by Russell Case" from bestbuychi


But what I really want is to see a strong woman do it! Come on ladies, let's show 'em how it is done...

I just ordered Kino's new DVD. If anyone can do it, she can!

The Splits

Semi, half, no split. Which is it? It seems there is no simple answer.

First, what is "the split"? When practicing mysore style, you learn first series one pose at a time. At a certain point, perhaps your teacher will decide that you are ready for the next pose which, if you are practicing a satisfactory primary up to setu bandasana, would be pasasana--the first pose of second series. So every day, you would go do your primary series practice up to pasasana, and then maybe you get another pose, and you continue like this, adding poses onto the tail of primary until one miraculous day when your teacher splits your practice. This means that you only have to practice one series--second. Then you would go on practicing second series adding a pose now and then until you practice all of second and then you get third series postures tagged on the end. You continue adding poses to a certain point and then your teacher gives you the split this time for third series only.

In the case of the second series split (practicing only second series), you would still practice primary on Fridays. In Mysore, you might also practice primary on Sundays. This is because Sundays are the "led" days. If there aren't any second series led classes offered, then you practice first.

But the question remains: at what pose will I get spilt in second series? There are many answers. The current trend in Mysore is getting split at eka pada sirsasana. However, one must wonder if this is on a case by case basis, if this is a time and space issue, or if it is "official" policy. I've spoken to a few teachers and students on the subject, and answers vary. Some of the older teachers say that back in the day, Guruji had them practicing both first AND second series until they got to the first pose of third. I didn't hear what happened after. Others say that "past generations" were split at karandavasana. Still others recommend doing a "semi-split" until karandavasana. In this instance, one would practice the first half of primary one day plus second series asanas, the second half of primary the next day plus second series asanas, and back and forth all week.

The main reason for the longer wait for the split seems to be developing and maintaining strength for karandavasana and third series. So then why split earlier at eka pada? I've heard there have been other changes made to the practice over the years, though the reasons are hazy. I've heard there was a second variation of lagu vajrasana, for instance. I've also heard drop backs didn't happen until well into second series, instead of as the final trial before second. I've also heard that hand mudras were okay in the past, but now they aren't. Not that any of it matters really I suppose.

On my split:

I am pretty surprised at how sore my arms are and how quickly my neck is growing stronger. I figured with second series only I'd be having it easy. Not so! Perhaps it is the belly back bend/upward dog transition or some other new muscle groups being developed...And indeed, my neck is getting much stronger by the day. I remember on that first day, I had a little voice in the back of my head that was convinced my leg would push my head right of my shoulders. I am looking forward to primary tomorrow. All the forward bending is calming and soothing for my back. Plus, its a nice way to end the week.