Empty product and full emptiness

The product of zero numbers is one.

I've got 17 more days left here in Mysore, that's roughly two weeks. I think that maybe, just maybe I've figured out what I'm doing out here. Without asking it, this is THE question on most days.

What am I doing here?

Starting easy, I'm sitting in front of a laptop (my house mate's) (she's sleeping and didn't go to practice...) at the living room coffee table. I can hear animals outside. It is exactly 7am and practice has been over for a half hour. I didn't have a coconut. I can't be bothered by it really. Its cold outside and I'd rather be sitting in the comfort of my house.

We can now leave the present moment and move to the practice. Led with Saraswati this morning. She gives the longest leds out of the bunch. My shoulders, neck, upper back, and belly are quite sore. Very grumpy in the morning before class. Tried not to be too obvious that I was annoyed that people were taking up two spots where normally one would go. Little things can be annoyingly BIG things that early in the morning.

On to the future. I had this fleeting feeling that I was ready to go home this morning. Right when its all coming to a head and I feel like I'm finally getting to the root of all this.

So back to the question. What is all this? I told some people I was coming out here to study yoga, to practice yoga, to go to India. I told my boyfriend and others it was to learn how to be alone ( this was after my bf said he wouldn't be joining). I told myself I had to go and that's it.

What am I doing here?

Learning that I'm on the right path and that its okay to question and think about where we are on it. Learning how to be with myself in this world with no distractions. (I feel like I've got a crush on a girl that hardly looks at me and I keep driving by her house hoping one day she will run out.) Saying goodbye to all the things I've collected in life that do not really bring me happiness but that I gathered anyway because I felt that I had ought to.

Can that really be all? Is it as simple as that?

Or how about just, "I'm here to practice."

The distractions are less and less everyday. There are no trips to palaces, classes, courses, amazing exotic new dinners, crazy new mishaps, ridiculous misunderstandings, or out of the ordinary undertakings. I've slowly been emptying out my toy chest, and now there is nothing left. My hand digs deep, gliding along the sides, skimming the floor. Wait there is something! No, its just lint. I guess it is just me in here. (Sits down, back to trunk, arms crossed over knees, looks around. Realizes how incredibly large the space she is sitting in is and how small she is compared to it.)

Zero is nothing, null, nil, nada, naught.

Zero is a number.

Zero is a placeholder.

In sanskrit, zero comes from "sunya"( शून्य ), meaning void or empty. "Sunyata" can be translated as "emptiness" or "voidness. According to Wikipedia:

"Śūnyatā signifies that everything one encounters in life is empty of absolute identity, permanence, or 'self'. This is because everything is inter-related and mutually - never wholly self-sufficient or independent. All things are in a state of constant flux where energy and information are forever flowing throughout the natural world giving rise to and themselves undergoing major transformations with the passage of time. This teaching never connotes nihilism - nihilism is, in fact, a belief or point of view that the Buddha explicitly taught was incorrect - a delusion, just as the view of is a delusion. In the English language the word emptiness suggests the absence of spiritual meaning or a personal feeling of alienation, but in Buddhism the emptiness of phenomena enables liberation from the limitations of form in the cycle of uncontrolled rebirth."

In tarot cards, zero is represented as the fool. According to Wikipedia, some of the frequent interpretations are:

Beginning, Inconsequence, Innocence, Freedom
Spontaneity, Originality, Happiness, Non-criticism
No attachment, Initiative, Adventure, Irresponsibility
Inexperience, Immaturity, Optimism, Boldness
Carpe Diem, Creative Chaos, New Beginnings, Foolhardiness

"The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. Many symbols of the Instituted Mysteries are summarized in this card, which reverses, under high warrants, all the confusions that have preceded it.

The Fool represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us.

The number 0 is a perfect significator for the Fool, which can become anything when he reaches his destination. Zero plus anything equals the same thing. Zero times anything equals zero."

Tarot cards aren't just used for "divining the future" or getting a quick $5 from a tourist, there is also a game of Tarot, which is often referred to as, "french tarot". From my understanding, it is a card game that you can bet on like poker or blackjack. In this game, the fool has a very interesting role, as "Playing the Fool momentarily exempts the player from the rules of the game".

"Another issue surrounding The Fool is his definition. Who is calling him The Fool?

The archetypal potency of the Fool as zero embodies the enhanced potential and summation of all Major and Minor Arcana: as is denoted by 'fool', the near English homonym of 'full'. The Fool is the period, the pregnant pause."