I was happily surprised to be feeling a lot better this morning. I decided it was OK to go to practice. Its funny. I'm finding myself kind of stressed out at practice, not like at home. First off, I don't get to pick what time I go. Then when you get there, you wait in the vestibule to be called to practice. "NEXT! 7:15." You look around to see if anyone else is before you than you run to go to the spot they called you for otherwise you hear "Next! 7:15." Or Sharath comes by and says "you come!" or "Why you fearing?" One doesn't get much contact with Sharath, so when he does talk to you, you don't want it to be like that. Then you run and you put down your mat. Don't even think about going to the dressing room first. Its mat first, period. Then, you put the rest of your stuff down in the dressing room.
I don't feel like I'm doing my practice. Its hard letting go of all the hard work I did in New York. Its harder than I thought it would be--both physically and mentally. But I'm trying to let the teacher be the teacher. And anyway its not about the poses, right? But at the same time, you gear up your whole day for practice. That's why we're here.
I was talking to some other students from Colombia this morning at the coconut stand about this. About how I get kind of stressed out in the room. How I can't hear myself breathe, etc, etc. We got to talking about how, in terms of poses, there really are no rules for who gets what, when. For instance, many people told me that for the first month you shouldn't expect anything. No adjustments until back bending if you do a "good" primary. A whole month like this. I feel like probably its better to come here as a beginner. You'd get more attention and feel like you're progressing. Other people say "oh, well they don't give poses on Thursdays", or you have to do drop backs to do second. But I've heard of people starting second after a week. Or Not getting anything for months. The students try to make these little rules, try to make sense out of how things are run so that we can all justify where we are. Its hard to let go of your practice and have to build it up again. Its a lot about letting go of ego and attachments. But its also about trust. Trust that they will stop you if you're doing something incorrectly. Trust that they can see when you are ready to progress. Trust that they won't drop you on your head.
I've heard of a few people mentioning how they got injured in Mysore and how they wouldn't recommend going to the Shala because its just too crowded to get the attention that people need. But at the same time everyone keeps on coming back. we must be crazy.
In practice, it was drop backs with Saraswati after primary again, and then off to the dressing room for finishing. I really blew it up pretty bad in there. The student next to me actually moved to another part of the room. Sorry. It really couldn't be helped, but it was very VERY bad.
I signed up for a cooking class on Thursday at 1 at Tina's which will be fun. Tina's is a place that serves breakfast. I think she said we'd be doing dahl, roti, and stuffed eggplant. All of which, sound good to me. The price for this is, I think, 300 rupees. There is another cooking class the same day at 11 at Anu's. But they'll be doing dosas and I think I'll be happy to stay away from dosas for a little while.
I took a shower at Shelli's place and was able to wash my hair. I find that I need a proper shower to be able to wash my hair. I can't just be going to the salon all the time. (Although that's what I did last time. They washed and brushed my hair for 150 rupees. It wasn't the greatest shampoo or conditioner though). Afterwards, I washed my laundry, which was much more eventful than I would have liked.
Elissa and I live in a house ran by two women. The mother, who is old is called Amma, the daughter who is also quite old is called Yashoda. I fondly call them the "old spinsters". I asked Amma where I could wash my clothes and she started grabbing at them, which drove me crazy so I said "NO! Where is the washing stone so I can wash my clothes?" She pointed to it, but I noticed that the laundry buckets were already being used to soak other clothes. Oh well. I rolled up my pant legs to my knees and dumped my clothes under the tap. Amma came out a little while later to yell at me to turn off the tap and use the shower bucket from the bathroom. I kindly told her that there was no way I was going to be using that bucket for anything related to cleaning unless it is my body. A bit stubborn, I know. She gave up and went inside. She drives me crazy.
In India there used to be a caste system. On the top were the Brahmins. Next came the warriors, followed by the merchants. Last were the minions, or "untouchables". Supposedly this is no longer in place, but it hasn't changed for everyone. For instance, someone told me that it is considered very rude to ask someone what their father does as this would allow you to place them in a caste. The other day, a little entrepreneur around 10 years old asked me if I was in need of a servant. Ningima, the maid at our house, eats her meals on the floor by Amma's feet like a dog. Amma sits at the table. They don't allow her into any of the bedrooms unless they are watching her. To me, its like, if you're going to be there watching, why don't you just do it yourself? But the old spinsters are afraid she'll steal things. In fact, they're afraid everyone will steal things. There is a drop gate on the front door, even.
I must have almost given Amma a heart attack today as she watched me wash my clothes, with my pants rolled up to the knees, next to two workers fixing the cement in the garden. Her whole system of logic in the world must have been thrown completely off. I feel bad. I think she is confused, and doesn't speak much English, and I'm stubborn.
Have you ever hand washed jeans? It is one of least enjoyable experiences there are. I keep looking outside to see if it will rain. Clouds have been hovering all day, but I really couldn't afford to go another day without washing. Clothes don't really dry here. It is hot, but not that hot, and supposedly its humid, but I don't really feel it. The point is, that I don't want all my hard work to go out the window if it rains! My clothes will never dry and they'll smell horrible, which they probably will anyway. You have to really have patience, and be able to let go.
This afternoon I hope to start Sanskrit classes that are offered at the shala. Someone says they go at 5. I'm just going to show up and hope for the best. I know it sounds nerdy, but I'm kind of looking forward to homework.
After that, I have big dreams of renting a TV/DVD unit for 100 rupees for the night. I really could watch a movie!
Its hard. You find a balance at home in your life between practice, and play, between personal time, and public time. An now I have to renegotiate it all. *Sigh* It sounds like I'm doing a lot of complaining, but sometimes you just need to get things out. There's good stuff too, seriously!
I don't feel like I'm doing my practice. Its hard letting go of all the hard work I did in New York. Its harder than I thought it would be--both physically and mentally. But I'm trying to let the teacher be the teacher. And anyway its not about the poses, right? But at the same time, you gear up your whole day for practice. That's why we're here.
I was talking to some other students from Colombia this morning at the coconut stand about this. About how I get kind of stressed out in the room. How I can't hear myself breathe, etc, etc. We got to talking about how, in terms of poses, there really are no rules for who gets what, when. For instance, many people told me that for the first month you shouldn't expect anything. No adjustments until back bending if you do a "good" primary. A whole month like this. I feel like probably its better to come here as a beginner. You'd get more attention and feel like you're progressing. Other people say "oh, well they don't give poses on Thursdays", or you have to do drop backs to do second. But I've heard of people starting second after a week. Or Not getting anything for months. The students try to make these little rules, try to make sense out of how things are run so that we can all justify where we are. Its hard to let go of your practice and have to build it up again. Its a lot about letting go of ego and attachments. But its also about trust. Trust that they will stop you if you're doing something incorrectly. Trust that they can see when you are ready to progress. Trust that they won't drop you on your head.
I've heard of a few people mentioning how they got injured in Mysore and how they wouldn't recommend going to the Shala because its just too crowded to get the attention that people need. But at the same time everyone keeps on coming back. we must be crazy.
In practice, it was drop backs with Saraswati after primary again, and then off to the dressing room for finishing. I really blew it up pretty bad in there. The student next to me actually moved to another part of the room. Sorry. It really couldn't be helped, but it was very VERY bad.
I signed up for a cooking class on Thursday at 1 at Tina's which will be fun. Tina's is a place that serves breakfast. I think she said we'd be doing dahl, roti, and stuffed eggplant. All of which, sound good to me. The price for this is, I think, 300 rupees. There is another cooking class the same day at 11 at Anu's. But they'll be doing dosas and I think I'll be happy to stay away from dosas for a little while.
I took a shower at Shelli's place and was able to wash my hair. I find that I need a proper shower to be able to wash my hair. I can't just be going to the salon all the time. (Although that's what I did last time. They washed and brushed my hair for 150 rupees. It wasn't the greatest shampoo or conditioner though). Afterwards, I washed my laundry, which was much more eventful than I would have liked.
Elissa and I live in a house ran by two women. The mother, who is old is called Amma, the daughter who is also quite old is called Yashoda. I fondly call them the "old spinsters". I asked Amma where I could wash my clothes and she started grabbing at them, which drove me crazy so I said "NO! Where is the washing stone so I can wash my clothes?" She pointed to it, but I noticed that the laundry buckets were already being used to soak other clothes. Oh well. I rolled up my pant legs to my knees and dumped my clothes under the tap. Amma came out a little while later to yell at me to turn off the tap and use the shower bucket from the bathroom. I kindly told her that there was no way I was going to be using that bucket for anything related to cleaning unless it is my body. A bit stubborn, I know. She gave up and went inside. She drives me crazy.
In India there used to be a caste system. On the top were the Brahmins. Next came the warriors, followed by the merchants. Last were the minions, or "untouchables". Supposedly this is no longer in place, but it hasn't changed for everyone. For instance, someone told me that it is considered very rude to ask someone what their father does as this would allow you to place them in a caste. The other day, a little entrepreneur around 10 years old asked me if I was in need of a servant. Ningima, the maid at our house, eats her meals on the floor by Amma's feet like a dog. Amma sits at the table. They don't allow her into any of the bedrooms unless they are watching her. To me, its like, if you're going to be there watching, why don't you just do it yourself? But the old spinsters are afraid she'll steal things. In fact, they're afraid everyone will steal things. There is a drop gate on the front door, even.
I must have almost given Amma a heart attack today as she watched me wash my clothes, with my pants rolled up to the knees, next to two workers fixing the cement in the garden. Her whole system of logic in the world must have been thrown completely off. I feel bad. I think she is confused, and doesn't speak much English, and I'm stubborn.
Have you ever hand washed jeans? It is one of least enjoyable experiences there are. I keep looking outside to see if it will rain. Clouds have been hovering all day, but I really couldn't afford to go another day without washing. Clothes don't really dry here. It is hot, but not that hot, and supposedly its humid, but I don't really feel it. The point is, that I don't want all my hard work to go out the window if it rains! My clothes will never dry and they'll smell horrible, which they probably will anyway. You have to really have patience, and be able to let go.
This afternoon I hope to start Sanskrit classes that are offered at the shala. Someone says they go at 5. I'm just going to show up and hope for the best. I know it sounds nerdy, but I'm kind of looking forward to homework.
After that, I have big dreams of renting a TV/DVD unit for 100 rupees for the night. I really could watch a movie!
Its hard. You find a balance at home in your life between practice, and play, between personal time, and public time. An now I have to renegotiate it all. *Sigh* It sounds like I'm doing a lot of complaining, but sometimes you just need to get things out. There's good stuff too, seriously!
It does help to remember that you ARE in India. Things are totally different there and constantly trying to import your normal daily routines is a huge source of disappointment. Its hard to let go, yes but without it you might end up miserable.
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