All the little things...

Maybe I'm ready to head back to New York soon (ish), but no promises.

Sharath makes a point sometimes about how living your yoga doesn't mean living full time in Mysore doing some asana and then smoking weed (go figure). Rather, living your yoga is being able to strive for and maintain a sense of equanimity while existing in the "real world". Ashtanga yoga isn't "cave" yoga. It is the yoga of people who are a part of the world.


Meera likens it to the law of diminishing returns. That first bite of cherry pie is awesome. After that it gets less cool. By the end, you're just shoving it down.


So although I am totally grateful and happy with being here, I feel ready to start thinking about reentering the "real world". This comes as a bit of shock to myself considering last year I felt just the opposite. But I never did really have a plan besides not having a plan. And without thinking about it, the ouija board inside my head is pointing me towards New York. Who am I to argue?

Maybe I am just growing up a bit and changing and wanting different things. That could be a part of it too.

But then the other part of me wants to stay here until I have no money. To stay here until Sharath takes time off. But then I think to myself "what for"? So that I can get lots of poses? So i can suck all the teaching out of Sharath? Three months or even four is a long time. I have and am learning a lot about practice, myself, people, life, and all that. I'm sure I'd learn more if I stay longer too. I don't know I'll just have to see what happens. I'm not even sure if I can get a flight out of here before the holidays.

Either way, I'll be happy to take it as it comes.

Practice has been interesting as usual. My whole body feels at times like a pulpy ball of raw meat. I can't believe I was going through this back in New York and able to go through an entire day of work. I can barely motivate myself to walk to my scooter. Maybe my body just knows that this is a time to rest and rejuvenate.

It has been raining a lot the last few days. People say the monsoon has come late. Fun. Smelly clothes. Aching muscles and joints. Mud. Locked in the house with nothing to eat but jaggery.

I have this fantasy about who I am and what life should be and how I fit in it. I know others have fantasies about who they think I am and who they are and all that too. I think that part of growing and learning and this process is learning that maybe you are a star or a square and that you fit in the cut out that you fit in and that is amazing.

Here is a flick of my painting. Maybe I can figure out how to rotate it next time :)