Wake up. Bathroom. Shower. Dress. Roll mat. Get keys. Lock door. Get on scooter. Ride to practice.
But now the roommates are both at 4:45 as well which turns my world upside down unexpectedly. I was this close to peeing in a jar. So tired, so sore. This is me doing my practice without the jazz without the flash. Messing up, not taking it to the extreme. I just didn't have it in me. Some days are like that. I still give myself an "A".
My mind was everywhere. Drishti, bandha, breakfast, breathing, Eric, and so on. But hey, it was all internal rather than external. That's got to count for something in my book. Some days are like that.
I was so exhausted. There wasn't just one place that ached and throbbed, it was a general feeling of raw meat flowing through my entire body. At least it was democratic. I think I am holding back in some places and I realized it was because I am afraid. I am afraid I can't do it, or that I'll break, or because it is new, scary, and really deep. I had back bending with Saraswati again, which I see as a gift. I figure I get her now because they know I can do it with just a little bit of help. I don't even try to want to believe them and I don't know why. Maybe I have hit a point physically or mentally that has been my edge and now I have to go past my comfort zone, which, of course, is scary.
Fear
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain. Psychologists John B. Watson and Paul Ekman have suggested that fear is one of a small set of innate emotions. This set also includes joy, sadness, and anger.
Fear should be distinguished from anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.[1]
But now the roommates are both at 4:45 as well which turns my world upside down unexpectedly. I was this close to peeing in a jar. So tired, so sore. This is me doing my practice without the jazz without the flash. Messing up, not taking it to the extreme. I just didn't have it in me. Some days are like that. I still give myself an "A".
My mind was everywhere. Drishti, bandha, breakfast, breathing, Eric, and so on. But hey, it was all internal rather than external. That's got to count for something in my book. Some days are like that.
I was so exhausted. There wasn't just one place that ached and throbbed, it was a general feeling of raw meat flowing through my entire body. At least it was democratic. I think I am holding back in some places and I realized it was because I am afraid. I am afraid I can't do it, or that I'll break, or because it is new, scary, and really deep. I had back bending with Saraswati again, which I see as a gift. I figure I get her now because they know I can do it with just a little bit of help. I don't even try to want to believe them and I don't know why. Maybe I have hit a point physically or mentally that has been my edge and now I have to go past my comfort zone, which, of course, is scary.
Fear
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Fear is an emotional response to threats and danger. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of pain. Psychologists John B. Watson and Paul Ekman have suggested that fear is one of a small set of innate emotions. This set also includes joy, sadness, and anger.
Fear should be distinguished from anxiety, which typically occurs without any external threat. Additionally, fear is related to the specific behaviors of escape and avoidance, whereas anxiety is the result of threats which are perceived to be uncontrollable or unavoidable.[1]
So maybe it was anxiety instead?
When I was leaving, I stopped in the office to talk to Saraswati who was drinking chai. I told her I was afraid sometimes in dwi pada and back bending. She told me it would go away and to not be afraid. Nothing I didn't know, but sometimes you have to tell someone a tree is falling. I left before I really started with the waterworks.
When I was leaving, I stopped in the office to talk to Saraswati who was drinking chai. I told her I was afraid sometimes in dwi pada and back bending. She told me it would go away and to not be afraid. Nothing I didn't know, but sometimes you have to tell someone a tree is falling. I left before I really started with the waterworks.
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