On food, broken body, and the learning process

One day good, two days broken. Or at least that is how it feels.

I had this idea to do a cleanse/fast to see the effects it would have on practice. Purely for science. The idea of not eating and/or food restrictions makes my palms sweat, but I thought that it might prove to be an interesting experiment. I talked my good friend, the obsessive faster, into putting together a comprehensive fast/cleanse program complete with food diaries and emergency snacks. As it turns out, some are more ambitious that others and although the structure hasn't yet materialized the motivation has. Tuesday I cut wheat and began eating raw/cleansing diet. Apparently I inspired a trend and three other friends jumped on board to various degrees.

I thought I was waiting to see the breakthrough in practice, because I didn't feel like an Olympic champion at all. My breath was shallow, my throat was parched, my bones and muscles ached. Yesterday I was unbelievably grumpy and aggressive. But then today I realized that maybe all these feelings aren't because cleansing sucks. Maybe they are happening because the cleansing is deepening the affects the practice has on the body. Come to think of it, in practice I was only thinking of practice. There was no residue from the night before. Today I noticed that I was sweating like crazy...I had this feeling that I was moving the bones around, rather than playing with puddy. Like I was rearranging the structure.

All that said, my whole body aches. People in primary or those who first start yoga go through this. They have this huge shift where their personality changes, their attitude toward food and life changes. They want to be cleaner, nicer, healthier people. Their bodies ache, burn, tighten , and transform. They look at more advanced people and think that someday the aching will stop if they could just hold on a little longer. Or maybe that nobody else aches but them. Well, here I am aching. I almost forgot how when I first started yoga, knees-chest-chin and other really basic hatha stuff left me sore for days.

And if there was even an ounce of me that felt I was working toward where I "should" be (last pose in NY--mayurasana), it has disappeared today. I am re-learning everything. Again, Sharath was coaching me through dwi pada. The thing is, my dwi pada is fine compared to some other people who are further along, however, if he sees that you aren't working your edge and that you can go further or do it "properly", he's going to wait for you to do it. I knew this when I got the pose, that it was average work, and was therefore surprised when I got yoganidrasana. If Sharath waits for you to have little breakthroughs before moving you on, this is a breakthrough that he'll wait for because he asked for it twice now and I'm trying but still not delivering.

But in the end, that is what it is about. It is about this learning process. The trying, the sweating, the dedication, the every day, the crying, all of it. So maybe I get my legs just perfect...then what? The interesting stuff happens all around that.

I got the pictures from the led second photographer this weekend. I think he really captured just that. Can you guess which one is me?