Hump day and related poses/Primary Series is like a treadmill set at "hills"

Thinking back to yesterday's practice and my body caught in a thick downpour of sweat, I try to recall what it was like to be a "beginner". I think it felt (physically) a lot like it feels right now. Some days I leave practice feeling like I took a nice nap or a warm shower; on other days, I feel like I fell off my bike, wrestled a bear, picked up a couch, or came down with the flu. When I was slowly working my way through primary, I remember feeling so tired that I couldn't even fathom coming in to practice -- the idea of rolling out my mat was already like practicing full primary. I fell on my face a lot. I did a lot of pep talks. My breathing was irregular. My bandhas were transient tenants. Overall, it was like visiting a country where I have never been, a language I could not speak, food I have never seen, with only one sort of friend to show me around -- sometimes.

Slowly, I learned how to pace myself, how to smooth out the kinks. I worked up the courage to challenge myself to do a bit more than just show up (which is already like 80% of the practice for a college student). Things started to make sense and integrate into my body and mind. But even as the storm began to pass, even as I began to converse with the locals (in horrible grammar and accent, of course), I had certain "mantras" going through my mind. During the Sun Salutes at the beginning, it was "Crap! Three more, one more, etc." After that hill was climbed, it was "Here it comes--utthita hasta--here it comes!" And could I time it perfectly so someone will hold my leg? After that, I was coasting, arms spread to the sides, sea breeze in my face -- until I realized that navasana was only a few poses away. Then it became an effort to slow down my breathing and enjoy the forward bends (five breaths is never enough).

Navasana always comes, regardless of how much one tries to avoid it. Bent legs, sweating, wrinkled and pained expressions abound. And then bhujapidasana, kurmasana, with relief finally coming in garbha pindasana. From there again, it is coasting until back bending, sirsasana, and of course, uthplutih.

I was always fascinated by this pacing in primary series, how it is not a steady incline or decline, but a series of "highs" and "lows" punctuated by the "really hard shit" in the middle (navasana, bhujapidasana, kurmasana, and to some extent garbha pindasana). Now when I mean "hard", I mean that these postures demand a combination of strength and flexibility, and one's ability to "perform" them after doing a lot of things that take a lot of effort and also doing them every day, consistently. Yes, there are many challenging moments in the first series, but this cluster of poses can either make or break you, they take no prisoners, there is no faking it, you either have it or you don't. The thing is, you might peek your head up over these "hump poses" that split primary in two for a moment and see what asanas follow and think "I can do those! Those are easy! Why can't I just to them?" This is the magical moment where you either push through and figure it out, give up, or stay where you are for a long time.

I am finding that second series is much like this. Once I was used to primary and became "proficient", or whatever, the sweating stopped. The poses of second series which I began to practice were fun. I left practice every day energized and feeling like I could do even more. It was sweet while it lasted. Soon enough I came to realize that there were "hump poses" in second series as well--tittibhasana, pincha mayurasana, karandavasana, mayurasana, nakrasana. Although I am practicing up until mayurasana, I know nakrasana will take some mental strength, but over this fence, the grass looks fairly green. I wonder if eventually it will feel how primary feels now: like an old friend. That will be the day. For now, I am covered in sweat, slowly peddling up a mountain.

Karan(davasana) knows best and all those dark corners

"Don't engage, suck in!"  Huh?  Really?  Apparently, I am trying so hard to engage and "grip" in karandavasana that I am pressing my stomach out and flexing like crazy.  I'm surprised I don't pop out a poop right in mid-air like I'm pushing out to give birth.  So, stop manhandling the pose, and stop trying to be a boy muscling into everything.  (Imagine me?  The one with no muscles, muscling into poses?)  Start refining.  Start connecting with the roots of my own practice.  Start practicing like me--like a girl.  And furthermore, what girl doesn't know how to suck in her stomach?  

So I try again and again and can't for the life of me figure out how to disengage my fury of muscles and suck in like (gasp) uddiyana bandha (duh).  I've gotten a couple of extra-curricular "exercises" to help gain some intelligence in karandavasana.

Phase 1

1.  In headstand, take padmasana

2.  Practice crossing padmasana in shoulderstand without using hands

Phase 2

3.  Practice crossing legs by oneself in pincha or at wall

4.  practice lifting the lead off the floor in headstand to learn how to engage core

Phase 3

5.  Practice lowering padmasana legs in headstand and coming back up

6.  Practice taking padmasana in tripod headstand and lowering to backs of arms

Ok, cool.  I go to the back of class and commence shoulderstand and think (for a moment) of what poses relate to this that I could work on?  I'm already putting all I've got into bandhas and jumping and lifting and so what's left?  As I'm thinking this, I see the answer is literally right in front of me.  I have mulabandha, but my stomach is sticking out in shoulderstand.  It is strong, but not sucking in.  So I make this the focus.  Not so bad in shoulderstand, but nearly impossible for me in halasana and karnapidasana.  And then I realize all these things, right in front of my eyes, that I've just been brushing by, just skimming over, just letting go.  I make and extra effort in urdhva padmasana and pindasana.  It was hard!  I was really uncomfortable and remembered why I just stopped bothering.  My floating ribs are sensitive and this made them really uncomfortable.  But today I adjusted and found a way and there it was.

On to headstand.  25 breaths there, halfway 10 breaths, came back up, the whole time really focusing on the sucking in.  When I could do it, I felt taller and more stable and I could actually feel my abs working in a much different way.  Then I took padmasana and took an inhale.  Then I exhaled everything out and at the bottom of the exhale sucked my belly toward my spine and lowered down and then came up.  What the #$@!?  It worked!  I did it again and again going lower each time.  Positively giddy, I did the tripod version and same thing.

The question now is:  can I figure out how to feel stable enough in pincha that I can have enough time to relax by belly for even just one second to be able to suck in?  I think it must be possible.  I did it in the headstands...

Earlier, after back bending, my teacher reassured me that the student next to me was stuck in the pose for a few years before going on to the next.  Thanks.  

It is definitely an entry point into a whole other level of practice.  If you've managed to sneak by without making many life changes up until this point, now it comes.  Time to really think about sleep, energy, food, relationships, concentration, emotions, mental state,  trishtana, etc.  But it isn't all for the pose.  The pose is a means.  It is reflecting life changes that one should be making to be healthier and happier just because.  If there is ever a place where a student is challenged to transform, it is here.

In the meantime, other things have changed while I wasn't looking.  The jumps are jumpier. The floats are "floatier".  Krounchasana does leave me feeling electrocuted anymore.  My left heel touches the floor in bhekasana, I don't have to cross my fingers in laguvajrasana, kapotasana is consistent, arms straight in bakasana are close.  The eka padas are actually getting comfortable.  I can cross fairly deeply in dwi pada, yoganidrasana is fab, and tittibhasana is showing much improvement!  I can swing straight legs (with much effort into B).  I'm taking a deeper bind in C and I can see my belly (which is not sucked in) in D.  

I'm in the middle of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" which makes me want to get back into learning french.  

Watched "Sisters" with Chloe Sevigny the other night.  Really weird.  But in a good way.

Duck, duck,...goose!

I will wear a grin all day...Today I got karandavasana!

This is a moment that I NEVER thought would happen. Never ever. I suppose the next moment that could possibly never happen is coming up and going down with integrity, but there is no rush.

Feeling very productive and super-amped from practice, I published April's Livingmysore magazine and am now watching karandavasana videos on youtube while the sun shines in through my window. Sometimes I really like my life.

"Karandavasana" from reynoldl


"Karandavasana" from ashtangaboi


"Sanya's karandavasana" from yogayantra


"Karandavasana - Demo by Russell Case" from bestbuychi


But what I really want is to see a strong woman do it! Come on ladies, let's show 'em how it is done...

I just ordered Kino's new DVD. If anyone can do it, she can!

April Fool's and the One Kick Wonder

The day began like any other. I woke to an alarm, hit snooze, and then bolted into what I hoped would be a hot shower. The gods were in my favor. I walked through the rain onto the subway. I watched, fighting feelings of disgust (think yoga, peace E, peace) as I watched the myriad of construction workers of all shapes and only large sizes scratching their balls, sleeping with their mouths open, and taking up two seats on the subway. I get to my 6am class at 5:30. Hooray! I'm early! Alas, the door is locked. Looks like class is cancelled. Bummer for the students, bummer for me. I write a note and head downtown to the shala where I am the second person through the door (a rare and auspicious occurrence).

So I was thinking a lot about thinking and the importance of not thinking. Poses that are hard if you think too much: bakasana B, tittibhasana, pincha mayurasana. I can easily psych myself out. "Oh, I'll probably stick it on the 3rd or 4th try..." and other miscellaneous self deprecating thoughts flow freely. But I decided its like sports. You visualize the success. You KNOW you will do it. You become confident in your ability and then you ride the wave through your obstacle into success.

I've been giving myself these little confidence-boosting pep talks and it works! I'm getting bakasana B on first try. I'm kicking up to pincha for the second day in a row on the first kick. Not bad. Its good when your relationship with a pose gets to a point where it is a part of you. You don't fight against it because you've already initiated a compromise from past experience. Looking forward to that with pincha.

I think that on the way to no thinking is positive thinking...Oh, and I'm getting my hands to move in the exit vinyasa for pincha!

Ashtanga Yoga Practice Videos and Flicks

The Shala is closed today for the holiday, so I thought it would be fun to take some flicks while I practiced at home. I've been walking a lot and we don't have the heat on, so it was an interesting practice. Anyway, the BF and I had fun...Enjoy!

Pincha Mayurasana



Back bending



More videos:
http://www.youtube.com/livingmysore

Eka Pada Sirsasana



More Pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/livingmysore/sets/
72157604219882613/

No fearing!

I knew I had to do it by myself. You see, I am afraid of falling. Right before headstand or any other arm inversion, I think briefly about toppling forward into, well, into what I'm not sure. The unknown? I am afraid. Then I tell myself, very compassionately, to shut up and get on with it.

So I put my forearms down on the rug and I know that I need to figure it out myself. I kick and kick and fall and do some floating and then "pphhmp!" I got it. And then I land. I could detect some movement in my arms and I think I end up elbows up, but can't recall. But I'm determined. I must figure this out by myself, so I try again. More kicking, some floating, and then that's when I feel it. At a certain point I can remember seeing the golden thread of my rug and then my sense of "self" moves up my spine to this mass hovering in the sky. I hold forearm stand and then land in chaturanga all by myself! Hands might have moved back about an inch. At this point I'm having fun and go again. I remember that feeling. It felt like how that alien thing looks in the movie version of Naked Lunch. You know, the part where Bill finds Joan in Interpol and the typewriter turns into this pink throbbing skeleton pelvis butt thing? Well that's what I was looking for as I hop my legs up. Sure enough I felt it, held it, and again landed with small hand movements detected.

"Imagine how surprised you'll be when you come up next week in karandavasana," my teacher laughs. "I better not eat for a week!" I joke, remembering the extremist behaviors of led second series peeps in Mysore. "Only chapatis," he says as I drop back, still laughing.

Pincha Mayurasana

That's right. Okay now, seriously, I never thought I'd be here already! Especially not today.

This morning was one of those particular "I should not get out of bed" mornings. I trudged to practice arriving 17 minutes later than I anticipated forcing me to just not think and just practice. I was stiff and sore from practicing twice yesterday (more on that later) and so tired! But I only had a limited time before my teacher left the room for his break so I said to myself that I would really stick to the proper vinyasas and it all worked out. I just didn't have time to think. Magic vinyasas! And then there I was, thirty five minutes after I stepped onto my mat, in downward dog. "Pincha Mayurasana," I heard. There was no question he was talking to me. Everyone else had started finishing. "Really?" I said. "Can you do it?" he asked. I shrugged. I could do it (with a gentle human wall). I tried twice and tried the jump back twice. Then I took a tripod headstand to get the feel of the jump back.

I think the first time you try on the pose you just try on the pose to see what it feels like. Tomorrow I'll start noticing where I am. Maybe next week I'll actually be able to refine it a bit. But who knows?

On the jump back, I was instructed to shift my hands back to where my elbows were on the floor. I could do this either by peeling my elbows off the floor and then quickly shifting my hands back (as I fall like a cut tree). Or, I could swing my legs over my head to get momentum as they whip toward the floor allowing me to get some airtime to shift my hands. While I learned these, I couldn't really think about anything, but could only feel my teacher's hands holding my belly. Now if I can can only figure out how to use my own inner power to create that feeling...

Did I practice twice yesterday to get extra credit? Yeah right! I did my morning mysore practice, then attended a vinyasa class of a friend and potential employer so that I could get a gig. I took it pretty easy (or so I thought), but every once in a while I caught a glimpse of the rest of the class and saw that I was the only one taking the advanced variations. I haven't taken a vinyasa class in some time. I thought it was interesting and fun to make shapes and discover what my body was capable of and to enjoy the stretches and sensations of doing something new. But I also had this nagging worry about reminding myself to hold back for fear of getting injured. I just kept wondering what the point was for what we were doing and how certain the instructor was that I'd be safe doing whatever I was doing. Its a bit silly, but I think that probably I was just afraid. I didn't know what was coming next, and ashtanga really makes your body fit so that whenever you go to another type of yoga, its like you're this huge dog that doesn't know its strength. At the same time, I was surprised to see how much stronger I've become over the last few years when we were doing arm balancing, and we did eka pada sirsasana, which was interesting as we led up to it in a different way than in second series.

I know that pinch and jump back are not impossible because a few years back I dropped into a jivamukti yoga class which was full of cheap thrills including my first taste of pincha and jump back, jump into bakasana, and handstand jump back. I did it then, so I've got to be able to do it now. However, that does mean that I'll be at the dreaded karandavasana. Yipes!

Tittibhasana - A User's Manual

"Be careful what you wish for."

These are the words my teacher says to me with a smile as I stand there after practice, still shaking. Today I got Tittibhasana.

Now this is one of those poses (or clusters of poses, really) that I never EVER really thought I would be doing. I mean, there is always the fantasy of me floating through the air in fifth series postures, but I know that they aren't ever going to happen--except they did today.

I hung out in yoganidrasana as long as possible. Just breathing, hoping I don't know, maybe to hide? Yesterday Guy said that I'd get Tittibhasana today. "No new poses on Tuesdays," he laughs. All day I was thinking to myself how he is crazy and there is no way that that is ever going to happen. At the same time, he gives poses out about as frequently as Sharath, so if you get a pose, you know you are ready for it. Still, I was convinced I might break in half this time.

So there I am in yoganidrasana. I didn't get an adjustment, so I figured I might slip by. I did chakrasana, took a few breaths in downdog and then I heard it, "jump your legs around your arms." Its funny how you always know when your teacher is talking to you, even if it is across the room.

1.) How to jump legs around arms so they land high? I can jump them, but I feel like I can't get my arms deep enough under my thighs. Maybe I should just jump to handstand and then lower down from a straddle on Sunday. Yes, that's what I'll do, no problem.

5 breaths here in Tittibhasana (with pointed toes), then swing legs to the floor around hands.

2.) Feet were too wide apart. They need to be pretty close in to the hands. Maybe squeeze thighs together a bit more?

Then lock hands behind waist and look to navel without falling over. Don't know if my legs were straight. There was just so much going on. And I was laughing involuntarily almost the entire time. 5 breaths here. Then walk.

3. Figuring out how to walk was pretty challenging. The first steps were not steps at all, just little shuffles. Then, I got a momentum. Inhale step right exhale step left. My fingernails were digging into my fingers. My thighs were burning. 5 breaths later, I have to now walk backwards. By this time, I can feel the blood rushing to my thighs. I can feel them turning into jelly. I am struggling to recall the last time I was working this hard. I am covered in sweat. I think I lose my grip and come up for air. I say something like "oh my god!" And then dive back in to finish walking back. I can feel the whole class watching me, I feel like I'm giving childbirth I'm making so much noise. I complete 5 breaths and Guy says, "One more!". I huff and puff and take one more right and left step back. Then the feet come together. I stand up for air. My legs are useless at this point.

4. Saving enough energy to bring heels together, interlace hands around tops of feet, look to navel, AND not fall over. 5 very quick breaths and faith in a teacher later, titibasana. I sigh heavily, probably say, "THANK YOU!" again. I rock back onto my hands, lift my feet, struggle to lift my jello legs, bakasana, jump back. "Next time 5 breaths tittibhasana and bakasana and then jump back". I look at him and say, "That was so hard! You got me this time! I had no idea!" He just smiles. I lie down with all circuits firing. The rest is a blur in the wake of tittibhasana. Back bending, finishing, resting.

I never really thought I'd be doing leg behind the head stuff with confidence, but it is true, just a few weeks later and my neck is a million times stronger. After the initial shock wheres off, my muscles and mind will remember that these poses are possible. Slowly slowly.

Be careful what you wish for.

David Williams is in town for a weekend workshop. I've got a pass for the first night's talk which is not to be missed (and a bit of chat time for the magazine). This is also during the time I am supposed to teach a brand new class. What to do? Sub it out and make a totally bad impression? Teach it and miss out on meeting a legend? What to do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWdO7RmTs5M

Oh, youtube, how I love you! This is a video I found on youtube posted by ashtangaboi. Enjoy!

The Splits

Semi, half, no split. Which is it? It seems there is no simple answer.

First, what is "the split"? When practicing mysore style, you learn first series one pose at a time. At a certain point, perhaps your teacher will decide that you are ready for the next pose which, if you are practicing a satisfactory primary up to setu bandasana, would be pasasana--the first pose of second series. So every day, you would go do your primary series practice up to pasasana, and then maybe you get another pose, and you continue like this, adding poses onto the tail of primary until one miraculous day when your teacher splits your practice. This means that you only have to practice one series--second. Then you would go on practicing second series adding a pose now and then until you practice all of second and then you get third series postures tagged on the end. You continue adding poses to a certain point and then your teacher gives you the split this time for third series only.

In the case of the second series split (practicing only second series), you would still practice primary on Fridays. In Mysore, you might also practice primary on Sundays. This is because Sundays are the "led" days. If there aren't any second series led classes offered, then you practice first.

But the question remains: at what pose will I get spilt in second series? There are many answers. The current trend in Mysore is getting split at eka pada sirsasana. However, one must wonder if this is on a case by case basis, if this is a time and space issue, or if it is "official" policy. I've spoken to a few teachers and students on the subject, and answers vary. Some of the older teachers say that back in the day, Guruji had them practicing both first AND second series until they got to the first pose of third. I didn't hear what happened after. Others say that "past generations" were split at karandavasana. Still others recommend doing a "semi-split" until karandavasana. In this instance, one would practice the first half of primary one day plus second series asanas, the second half of primary the next day plus second series asanas, and back and forth all week.

The main reason for the longer wait for the split seems to be developing and maintaining strength for karandavasana and third series. So then why split earlier at eka pada? I've heard there have been other changes made to the practice over the years, though the reasons are hazy. I've heard there was a second variation of lagu vajrasana, for instance. I've also heard drop backs didn't happen until well into second series, instead of as the final trial before second. I've also heard that hand mudras were okay in the past, but now they aren't. Not that any of it matters really I suppose.

On my split:

I am pretty surprised at how sore my arms are and how quickly my neck is growing stronger. I figured with second series only I'd be having it easy. Not so! Perhaps it is the belly back bend/upward dog transition or some other new muscle groups being developed...And indeed, my neck is getting much stronger by the day. I remember on that first day, I had a little voice in the back of my head that was convinced my leg would push my head right of my shoulders. I am looking forward to primary tomorrow. All the forward bending is calming and soothing for my back. Plus, its a nice way to end the week.

The Indian Way

Before I went to India, I was very concerned about the hand policy. Left, right, right, left, how would I remember? I tried to sit on my left hand while I ate, and was shocked when I reached for toilet paper with my right. But once in India, the problem was not a problem at all. In fact, toilet paper available or not, I very easily I appreciated the comfort of having a "clean" and a "dirty" hand.

Back in my apartment post-India, it took me a few days before I realized that in the west, its not that people don't care about being clean or dirty, its that this is a righty's world. I've been making mental note of this. Almost every WC I encounter had the toilet paper roll to the right of the toilet, whereas in India, it was mostly on the left. This must be particularly traumatizing to those who grew up with a dirty/clean hand policy. So do lefty's wipe left? That's quite a reach around. Do you just use the hand closest to the paper?

On the Tyra Show (I know, I know), Tyra gave western toilet squatting lessons to a post surgical woman. (Man who is now woman.) She definitely told her to wipe right.

I digress.

After some initial turbulence, practice today was smooth sailing. I seemed to have "proved" my second series worthiness, whatever that means. Had some hinting towards the next pose coming tomorrow. I'm a bit scared. This is uncharted territory I have a hard time believing that that stuff is possible for my body. Swaha.

My heart is in mysore

I just picked up this book on successful blogging at the local library (my favorite haunt). Happily flipping through the pages as I chomped down a particularly delicious (although inappropriate ayurvedically [is that even a word?] for winter and my dosha) salad with homemade ginger carrot dressing (yum), my eyes landed on the "top 10 dont's of successful blogging". Number 2, "don't let more than 3 days pass between blogs". Oops.

Well, the truth is, I didn't know if it was right to continue writing in this blog, since I was between mysore engagements and all. But I figure now, what the hey? I'll be there again soon enough and perhaps "living mysore" is all in the mind.

What's new? Russell and Sally left New York, and Guy is back at the shala. I'm curious to find out what he's going to say about my practice. You see, Russell has had me working up to yoga nidrasana and doing the "split" (which means practicing second series only). For some reason, it feels like I'm cheating or something because Guy didn't give it to me. He's going to come back and be like, "Really? Is this what you've been up to?" Its just poses, I know. But who is the one that has to let go? Is it me? Should I be like, "Okay, whatever. I'll go back to whatever I was doing before." Or is it my teacher's turn to let go? Or, does it really even matter? Maybe because I feel like I'm having fun (loads of back bending will do that for you), I feel naughty.

Anyway, I'll be in to practice tomorrow, so we'll see!

Since I've been away, I've been keeping up another blog:
www.ashtangainspired.blogspot.com. But, I think I'm going to post here mostly from now on.