I am that

"Questioner: It is a matter of daily experience that on waking up the world suddenly appears. Where does it come from?

Maharaj: Before anything can come into being there must be somebody to whom it comes. All appearance and disappearance presupposes a change against some changeless background.

Q: Before waking up I was unconscious.

M: In what sense? Having forgotten, or not having experienced? Don"t you experience even when unconscious? Can you exist without knowing? A lapse in memory: is it a proof of non-existence? And can you validly talk about your own non-existence as an actual experience? You cannot even say that your mind did not exist. Did you not wake up on being called? And on waking up, was it not the sense "I am" that came first? Some seed consciousness must be existing even during sleep, or swoon. On waking up the experience runs: "I am -- the body -- in the world." It may appear to arise in succession but in fact it is all simultaneous, a single idea of having a body in a world. Can there be the sense of "I am" without being somebody or other?"

I found a copy of the book I am that in the cabinet yesterday. After brushing my teeth outside as I watched the sun rise over the palm trees I sat in the sun and read the first few lines. (You can read the whole book online by clicking here.)

I am here in India falling into life without searching for it, it has come to find me. No matter how resistant we are, the energy of a place, and maybe time, start to wear on you until you begin to become a part of it. I think I really really like this place. I say it all the time, but it is like a yoga enthusiast theme park

Today I got ready for practice feeling so peaceful. There is something about the energy of the place, of living so high up in the sky, of living alone and feeling the vibrations of the morning as everything starts to come to life beneath you. I didn't bring my ipod or computer with me. With the residue from all the distractions of daily life in New York slowly fading away, I've noticed that i Am not constantly listening to music. I found myself humming songs on the way to practice, on the walk from breakfast, when I am on a mission. I've got 20+ years of experience listening to music, so you would think the collection in my brain would be vast, but you'd be sadly mistaken. When you paint, you dab a little of a lot of colors even when you don't think so. The grass doesn't just have green in it but yellows too and maybe some blue. But if you put to much paint and mix too much, the texture of the color will all turn into mud. And so it is, I've listened to music all my life, and the tune in my head will usually be the same jumbled mixture of songs and lyrics. Luckily the internet can give a quick refresher course on a particular song's lyrics. (Nothing is as frustrating as going days on end with the first few words of a song at the tip of your tongue.)

Speaking of which, I just found this awesome website that has a list of songs from the movie Donnie Darko. Now I know it is not the greatest movie in town, but there is something about it that just gets me every time. Plus it has a killer soundtrack. The thing is, you can only by the instrumental version. But this website lists all the songs:
http://darcko0.tripod.com/darkosongs.html

Lyrics to the first song that opens the movie:
(didn't you know you'd be learning strange and amazing things on this blog?)
"The Killing Moon"
Echo and the Bunnymen

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

In starlit nights I saw you
So cruelly you kissed me
Your lips a magic world
Your sky all hung with jewels
The killing moon
Will come too soon

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him

Under blue moon I saw you
So soon you'll take me
Up in your arms
Too late to beg you or cancel it
Though I know it must be the killing time
Unwillingly mine

Fate
Up against your will
Through the thick and thin
He will wait until
You give yourself to him


So when I'm not thinking of maybe motivating myself to do something, hanging out with people, thinking about life in a big way, clinging to my stomach, or absorbing this strange and fascinating life--I can be found taking photos with Guruji on his birthday. Bad lighting, eh? I promise that is him and that is me and I'm really in India.

Practice has really been changing internally. Today was amazing. I was tired but sometimes when you are tired, you just give up and let the practice take you. It is a lot like when you are swimming in the ocean and you hit a strong current. You have to relax and trust the current to move you when its ready. No new poses today, but everyone keeps telling me, "next monday, you'll see". I don't think so, but whatever. I wasn't really practicing poses today, it was more just like air moving around in shapes.

Student rule regarding the reception of poses:
1a. exceptions to the rule
Emma got krounchasana on Tuesday. Today, Gibran got Kapotasana. Check out Iyengar on the left doing kapotasana. People have said that Sharath wasn't in a good mood on Monday, so he gave poses on Tuesday instead. How do people come up with this stuff?

We watched the City of God yesterday. See it.