I'm watching my fellow back bender/friend/former student trying to figure out how to stand up. She's so close and although I've never done it (tried to help/talk to another student during class) before, I got her attention and motioned for her to try something. She did it and then stood up. She probably felt good, but I felt bad.
I really learned something in that moment and it was more than just to act like a student when you are a student. I learned that there is a method to this madness. She was so close, it was obvious. Standing up was as close as an answer stolen from the tip of your tongue. I stole her chance to figure it out.
This got me thinking about this journey we are on. If all the answers were just handed to us, we would not have the journey, or, at least, not to the extent that one experiences after working hard for something for a long time and finally "getting it". But it is all a balance. It is a little bit of putting in the effort, a little bit of training wheels, and a whole lot of courage, patience, and persistence. Practice, practice, practice.
What was the point, really of what I did? No point. It wasn't really a big deal either, except that it got me thinking about these other things which are important. I think of my own practice and how good it feels to figure something out. How good it feels to complete a crossword puzzle. I don't want the answers, I don't want the cliff's notes, well, not all the time at least! I want the chance to try my hardest, to see if my inner knowledge (or whatever) can find the answer.
It is kind of like going to India. No one really offers to help you figure it out. They all know it is about the journey and figuring it out along the way...
I really learned something in that moment and it was more than just to act like a student when you are a student. I learned that there is a method to this madness. She was so close, it was obvious. Standing up was as close as an answer stolen from the tip of your tongue. I stole her chance to figure it out.
This got me thinking about this journey we are on. If all the answers were just handed to us, we would not have the journey, or, at least, not to the extent that one experiences after working hard for something for a long time and finally "getting it". But it is all a balance. It is a little bit of putting in the effort, a little bit of training wheels, and a whole lot of courage, patience, and persistence. Practice, practice, practice.
What was the point, really of what I did? No point. It wasn't really a big deal either, except that it got me thinking about these other things which are important. I think of my own practice and how good it feels to figure something out. How good it feels to complete a crossword puzzle. I don't want the answers, I don't want the cliff's notes, well, not all the time at least! I want the chance to try my hardest, to see if my inner knowledge (or whatever) can find the answer.
It is kind of like going to India. No one really offers to help you figure it out. They all know it is about the journey and figuring it out along the way...
That was a great post... it similar to be what I was just thinking about after talking to a woman tonight who is a hardcore vinyasa-flow person. She's super bendy and fairly strong. She has little breath, probably not aware of any locks, and for SURE has no drishti. I've been in class with her, that's how I know. She's tried ashtanga and hates it because she said she "can do primary with no effort, why can't she just do 2nd or 3rd?". It gets me so fired up- not because of her abilities, but because she doesn't get it! And what makes me even more fired up is knowing that it's not MY place to make her get it! Do you encounter students like this- who have athletic/gymnastic abilities but are not willing to put in "the work"?? Is ashtanga just not the right form of yoga for that personality? I think it's all about surrender and dedication. The pay off is so huge- but you kind of don't start to understand all of that until you've done it consistently for awhile. The benefits sneak up on you. Just a thought... sorry if it's a tangent!
ReplyDeleteno-that's great!
ReplyDeleteActually, I am that student.
Really.
I walked into Guy's doing what I thought was perfect primary which I had learned from the internet and stitched together creatively. I told him that I already knew primary and so if he could kindly show me second series (I couldn't find it on the internet), I would be on my way. He just laughed and was like, okay, "let me see your primary first"...
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make 'em drink!
:)
that's hysterical... but hey, look at you now. I was curious about 2nd, but it took a teacher saying, "today, you start 2nd" before I gave it much real thought. I'm brazen in a lot of ways, but not in my yoga practice. Glad you stuck it out because it's really interesting to read your thoughts on the practice!
ReplyDeleteLiz - the woman you're talking about isn't on the same planet with regard to yoga. It's like trying to convince you that you really WOULD enjoy life on Mars. She's not an ashtangi, so she is not practicing what you practice, mentally, I mean. But I WOULD say that you might learn a lot about yourself by asking yourself what it is about her being bendy and flexy but not willing to do the work that fires you up? Is there envy there? Do you feel as if, "I went through all of this, so how come she thinks she knows so much? I wish SHE would get put in her place..."
ReplyDeleteI recognize the tone, so I assume that I have been envious too at times...
Lauren
ha! Lauren- I have thought of that... it's not just her attitude towards ashtanga that irritates me, that's just one of many things. She's very young and she's arrogant in a way that really points to severe insecurity. I feel pretty good about my practice in general- I mean, it's not perfect by any means, but I like that I've worked so hard on it and it has paid off. I guess what bothers me about her attitude is that she acts as if primary is too remedial for her. Anyone who has done primary for a long time- even if it becomes a "walk in the park", knows there are ways to make it pretty difficult. Lifting up and shooting back between each pose, learning to float back through from downward dog, actually maintaining bhandas, etc etc- it's tough! I'm totally guilty of sometimes thinking, "oh, primary- easy peasy"- but it's up to me to make it hard, and that's where the discipline I've learned through a lot of practice kicks in. The bottom line is, I need to remember that I really shouldn't care! ha! I mean, so what- she hates ashtanga and its discipline. She feels it's too easy for her and beneath her. Well. I know it's not beneath anyone, but I can only relish what it's done for me, and not push it on anyone else. I had just come from a dinner party when I wrote that entry and was very, very worked up. obviously! It's an interesting discussion none the less-
ReplyDeleteThis week I taught this vinyasa class and we are in a pose and I'm ticking off all things that one should be doing and the whole time this student is trying to get my attention to tell me that she doesn't "feel" anything. I responded that this isn't just "stretchy class".
ReplyDeleteIts true. There is so much more mental stuff happening. It isn't just getting into a mental space where you make time to practice, it is also being present while you practice, finding ways to balance out your physical practice by being mindful of your actions during practice, learning patience, humility, the list goes on. I think most of us just get a taste of this now and then, but it takes like decades to really figure it out.
But that is asana practice, and ashtanga asana practice in particular. If you're just interested in asana, that's fine, there are classes out there that are just for it. And then you can do your mental work in a meditation class or therapy or whatever.
Anyway, what were we talking about again? :)
I think that the lack of humility is what is nagging at Liz. It sounds like...I mean, I can't read Liz's mind, right? I hate when people do this to me, but this is such a clear cut case of - what does this student have to teach YOU that I have to ask...what does this student's lack of humility going to teach LIZ?
ReplyDeleteLiz?
That student is going to teach me that if I ever have to see her smirky face in mysore class again, rolling her eyes because it's all so stupid and easy, I may have to go over and put her in a choke hold. !!!! ha ha! Sorry! No, you could never read my mind, it's too spastic even for me to read. Bugging me: lack of humility for sure. I even said as much to her- as in, "It requires surrender, lady X, and you are not willing to do that yet". Seriously, I can learn that it's just none of my business. She can flop her bendy body through it, stare at me while I practice, and be annoyed that she's not allowed further to her hearts delight. I'm turning over a new leaf as of now. Thank you for your guidance. (I say with a smile and a good hearty laugh at myself).
ReplyDelete