I've got this question...what brings people to yoga, specifically ashtanga practice? Outside of the typical superficial answers like a "type-a personality", I think there is something else. I wonder if it is a common thread or a different facet for each person. I wonder. I wonder what brings me to practice?
"You know it when you see it, but then you can't explain it." It is like that. So then, what brings me to Mysore? What is this pull? Am I trying to run away, to escape? Or, am I running toward something. It seems that perhaps if you are running toward something, you are always running away from something, that something being the place from which you just were. So maybe its both or all of it. But it is something bigger than putting my leg behind my head, grabbing my ankles, and lifting up in karandavasana (although the discipline to get to those places is paving the way to that something bigger).
"You've got to get under those emotions and figure out the cause, the source."
Fear. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of being poor and hungry. I'm afraid of losing everything. I'm afraid of falling. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of dying. I am afraid of dying without ever being fluent in french. I am afraid that this is it and I'm not doing everything.
Is India the answer? No. I think the answer is me. I am the answer. I am the hero.
What is this post about? I think it is about coming of age on a yoga adventure. I think it is about feeling my ribcage cracked open like an eggshell and my insides are gooey and raw. Its watching myself watching myself watch myself. Its about how it isn't about the asanas, but those are so much easier to talk about. Its about developing a vocabulary for your soul.
love it.
ReplyDeletethe asanas are easier to talk about, aren't they? ultimately, maybe this vocabulary is even inadequate
i am that. that?
CS Lewis said "you don't have a soul. you are a soul. you have a body."
maybe that is why it is easier
:)
ReplyDelete"although the discipline to get to those places is paving the way to that something bigger"
ReplyDeleteWhat might that something bigger be?
well put...
ReplyDeleteyc-
ReplyDelete...maybe yoga?
Great post- and yes, it is easier to talk about the asanas (and fun!). I look at my practice as an allegory. What I can achieve physically is often played out in the challenges in the other parts of my life. The hard work and perseverance put into, say, being able to not cry and then punch someone when doing kapotasana, is the same work I need to do when faced with hard work in my business or hard work in my relationships. I know that sounds sort of simplistic, but it's just one reason I know why I'm drawn to yoga! Elise, you really do have amazing insight, it's a joy to read.
ReplyDeletehmmm......sometimes i wonder which came first, the egg or the chicken or the egg? or the chicken? or...
ReplyDelete"Its watching myself watching myself watch myself."
ReplyDeletereally enjoyed this post. thanks!