Yoga Is Life

I'm talking with my career counselor. "What would you be doing if you won the lottery and could just do whatever you wanted?"

My answer: "What I'm doing now, except, I'd have money."

I have to smile. I have to laugh.

I teared, yes teared while watching this preview when they showed the clip of the world map heading to Mysore. Tomorrow is a moonday. That has to be the reason...



Tracy just started her "tour of duty" in the Peace Corps. Yoga Is Life.

Duck, duck,...goose!

I will wear a grin all day...Today I got karandavasana!

This is a moment that I NEVER thought would happen. Never ever. I suppose the next moment that could possibly never happen is coming up and going down with integrity, but there is no rush.

Feeling very productive and super-amped from practice, I published April's Livingmysore magazine and am now watching karandavasana videos on youtube while the sun shines in through my window. Sometimes I really like my life.

"Karandavasana" from reynoldl


"Karandavasana" from ashtangaboi


"Sanya's karandavasana" from yogayantra


"Karandavasana - Demo by Russell Case" from bestbuychi


But what I really want is to see a strong woman do it! Come on ladies, let's show 'em how it is done...

I just ordered Kino's new DVD. If anyone can do it, she can!

April Fool's and the One Kick Wonder

The day began like any other. I woke to an alarm, hit snooze, and then bolted into what I hoped would be a hot shower. The gods were in my favor. I walked through the rain onto the subway. I watched, fighting feelings of disgust (think yoga, peace E, peace) as I watched the myriad of construction workers of all shapes and only large sizes scratching their balls, sleeping with their mouths open, and taking up two seats on the subway. I get to my 6am class at 5:30. Hooray! I'm early! Alas, the door is locked. Looks like class is cancelled. Bummer for the students, bummer for me. I write a note and head downtown to the shala where I am the second person through the door (a rare and auspicious occurrence).

So I was thinking a lot about thinking and the importance of not thinking. Poses that are hard if you think too much: bakasana B, tittibhasana, pincha mayurasana. I can easily psych myself out. "Oh, I'll probably stick it on the 3rd or 4th try..." and other miscellaneous self deprecating thoughts flow freely. But I decided its like sports. You visualize the success. You KNOW you will do it. You become confident in your ability and then you ride the wave through your obstacle into success.

I've been giving myself these little confidence-boosting pep talks and it works! I'm getting bakasana B on first try. I'm kicking up to pincha for the second day in a row on the first kick. Not bad. Its good when your relationship with a pose gets to a point where it is a part of you. You don't fight against it because you've already initiated a compromise from past experience. Looking forward to that with pincha.

I think that on the way to no thinking is positive thinking...Oh, and I'm getting my hands to move in the exit vinyasa for pincha!

Battle Scars and tips for laghuvajrasana

It is my "me" day and no one is around. I've got my place to myself with no real pressing obligations. I decide to put on this organic clay, cruelty-free, green tea, etc., etc. face mask. As I smear the cold green goop across my cheeks and over my chin, I notice a dark mark. I gave it a little rub thinking that somehow I got tire grease from two days ago or subway funk from yesterday stuck under my chin and forgot to wash it off. And then I remembered the day prior and my spirited attempts at pincha mayurasana + jump back. On one of these joyous little hand-slide, tree-falling like landings, my chest was too low between my hands and my chin knocked the floor in time with the balls of my feet, and then I was in chatarunga. I didn't pay it much heed until that moment in the mirror.

I recall other tell-tale ashtanga practice battle scars. The time I was learning bhujapidasana + jump back and I fell smack on my face. The many times I landed on my chin. Bruises on the tops of my feet from triangmukha ekapada paschimottanasana. Waddling home every day after practice during that first month of deep assists in supta kurmasana. The bruises on the backs of my arms when I finally learned the bhujapidasana exit vinyasa. The throbbing pain in my low back after I started second series that sent panic over my whole body whenever I missed a step. The bruises I had on my wrists after my first attempt at supta vajrasana.

And then there are the new ones. The cat-scratch like marks on my shoulders which I think are blood blisters that come and go depending on the day from supta vajrasana. The return of the bruises on the backs of my arms from bakasana and bakasana transitions. The sore neck and upper back muscles from leg-behind-the-head poses. The burning thighs that sear with every pressing of my foot on the bike pedal and every stair I see from tittibhasana. And now, the rug burns on my elbows from pincha mayurasana and the bruise on my chin from the exit vinyasa.

But I feel great! Looking forward to practice tomorrow where I get another chance to conquer my fear of falling over in pincha mayurasana and finally get up and hold in one kick.

Today in practice I noticed someone new at lagu (and like most of us) struggling to figure it out. I am by no means an expert and am not the person with the greatest lagu ever. But, I have struggled with the pose and every time I go for it, there is a chance that I won't make it out! So here are some things that have helped me, and maybe they will help you.

1. When you are in parva dhanurasana and dhanurasana, you kick strongly with your shins into your hands, away from your butt. Try to really get into this action and remember what it feels like. This is going to help you come up.

2. It is easier to come up with your hands closer to your knees. However, this is no longer the correct method. The hands should be around the ankles.

3. Once you have your ankles with your hands, hold on tight.

4. As you begin to lower down, try to keep your pelvis moving forward (away from the floor). But remember, this isn't a back bend like kapotasana. You are reaching your pelvis forward to keep control of your center of gravity.

5. Also, as you lower down, keep kicking your feet and shins into the floor as in dhanurasana. This will keep your legs active and your pelvis and center of gravity moving toward your knees and away from the floor.

6. Be sure to keep your grip tight with your hands.

7. It helps some people to have the wrists resting over the heels. When you are ready to come up, simultaneously kick your feet and shins down, shift your pelvis forward, and flick your wrists (you can push off from your heels with your wrists) pressing the hands firmly down into your legs and coming up.

Okay, that is one way. The other way is:

sapta: inhale jump to shins with hands on waist

astau: exhale laghuvajrasana for five breaths

nava: inhale come up with hands on waist

Finding ease in difficulty

I was one part relieved to practice primary today (hoping for a relaxing/comforting practice) and two parts so tired I wanted to just go to sleep. It has been a long, emotionally and physically taxing week and I'm spent. After teaching early this morning, I tried not to think and just let my feet drag me down to the shala. I had no proper practice clothes (not so fun with all the jumping and no sports bra), was tired, sore, etc. I let all that leave my mind and replaced it with thoughts of my breath, my gaze, and sticking to the vinyasa. I was particularly amazed at how much less flexible my hamstrings were compared to last week's full vinyasa. And no, I did not do full vinyasa today. Just half vinyasa, which is really regular vinyasa. Anyway...

Dragged myself home after practice looking forward to some peace and a couple of runny eggs, but alas the bf had already eaten the last two. No problem! I took a breath (very yogically[sp]) and had yogurt instead with some toast which turned out to be a bit moldy but no problem! Nothing is going to ruin my peace today. I caught Obama on the View. Yes, I do enjoy some ridiculous daytime television. So what?

As I type, I'm looking at the enormous pile of laundry and just cannot be bothered. It will have to wait. Today the priority is putting together April's Living Mysore Magazine which is really exciting...

Pincha is getting much better, but not in the sense that one might assume. Its about getting confident. It is knowing that when you kick, you'll get there. It is the same with any posture. Its practicing with mindfulness and integrity. Mid kick, this is what my teacher told me (even though I was really enthusiastic about getting my hands to shift as evidenced by my rug wrinkled at the top of my mat). He said that it wasn't so much the jump back, but coming up with confidence that he was looking for. Everyone has something different to work on, and I guess that's my challenge. It makes sense though. I think about how a few months from now I'll be back in Mysore and eventually maybe getting to pincha mayurasana and kicking up with confidence. You've got to otherwise you'll fall on top of someone!

The work

So what is "the work"? I think it depends a bit on the perspective. In the previous post, I was referring to certain incidents that made my role as a teacher particularly challenging. I'm thinking about:

-teaching a class at a certain level that it is advertised as and the students aren't willing to practice at that level. Let's say it was a basics class, but the students who came were more advanced and refused to listen to instructions for a basic level class. In a basics class, much of the learning is visual, so a beginner will look to someone who looks like they know what they are doing and will copy them, no matter if it corresponds with the verbal instructions given by the instructor. This isn't specifically what happened, but it was similar, and anyway, this has happened before.

The point isn't to control the class and have a power trip. It is that the lesson that is trying to be conveyed will not be clear and will be of less benefit to all of the students. In this case, doing the work would mean humbling oneself and taking the class that is being taught or being honest with oneself and choosing to attend a more appropriate class rather than disrupting other students and disrespecting the instructor.

Now I realize that this is not the intention of the student. I know. I've been that student. You're at class and you want to get your practice in. You remember something you learned in another class, last week, or something that might feel good and you do it because it is your time to do yoga. And then up comes the teacher (maybe) and you're like "what a jerk!". I know, I've totally been there!

-Failing to inform instructor beforehand of injuries and concerns. Might not seem like a big deal, but can be really difficult as a teacher. The work here would be being honest about physical limitations (letting go of ego), but also trusting the instructor to do their job. Oh, and listening to the teacher's advice on how to approach practice with these in consideration.

Okay, so upon further thought, I think that most other things I could mention fall into these main categories of "doing the work":

1. Listening to your teacher

this means that you have an open dialogue with your instructor about what is going on with you and trusting them to give you well-informed feedback. They have seen so many bodies over the course of their careers that it is probable that they know what they are talking about. Both of the above example fall under this category.

2. Practicing like you mean it

example: if you saw my back bending video, you saw me fidgeting around, thinking about how I felt tight, how it was cold, how I was hungry, how I was tired, etc. Did I need to to that? No. I let myself do it. I gave myself permission to give up. So doing the work here is pushing your edge. It also means practicing wholeheartedly and consistently. That's when you really see results.

Hey, none of us are perfect, that's why they call it practice! We all have to work at doing the work.

I think everything falls into those two categories, but I'll have to think about it. This is such an overwhelming topic. It deserves much more than what I've worked through here. Any thoughts?

Live to practice or practice to live

I missed and missed practice at the shala this morning. It wasn't my fault, but was probably for the best. Spent half an hour waiting on a train platform to get there and when it was clear that the train was either not coming or I was going to be way too late, I walked home.

I haven't had coffee in years. I hadn't had a deuce since Monday. I decided that instead of farting up the shala, I'd get a coffee and take matters into my own hands. It worked. And now I get a nice practice at home with music in the background. And why not? Was today the day I'd get karandavasana? Maybe. Should that matter? Nope. Do I live to practice or practice to live?

Teaching yoga. Oh, teaching yoga. So great, so fun, so rewarding. So hard, so challenging, so annoying. Yesterday, I taught way too much, was way too tired, had a hard emotional weekend, was angrily constipated and snapped at a student. I felt and still feel horrible.

Teaching yoga is hard and it isn't just "teaching" yoga. What is it that students want and what on earth are they coming for? To sweat? To lose weight? For spiritual peace? To stretch? To do crazy shit? It could be none or all of those reasons and more and somehow as the teacher you're supposed to cater to all of this or none of this. It shouldn't matter, you should be able to teach what you feel is best for the students. But that isn't always the case. Numbers count and you've got to pay your rent. I've found that most people want a cushy, nice teacher, who will help boost their ego in a not so obvious way. Hey, I'm probably that student too to some extent, or at least have been at one point or another. Very few really want to do the real work. This isn't to say that people don't come to class with good intentions, they do. It is that it is hard to develop and things that are hard aren't always fun.

In a recent post, Steve Dwelley talks about fundamentalists in yoga and Guy responds:

"A lot of times we are confronted in life with our likes and dislikes, laziness, apathy, greed etc…. in yoga practice too! If every time as a practitioner we say: “today I dont feel like doing any forward bends, only backbends, or today I feel like breathing through my mouth” and the teacher says: “fine, whatever”, then the student will never develop a true and healthy practice.

Part of going into yoga is over coming our subjective likes and dislikes and going through a process of dissolving the ego. For this strong and consistent discipline is required. If the practice is changing daily it cannot act as a reference point for Self knowledge, if the teacher also changes his or her tune daily, he or she can also not act as such a reference point."

Some days the classes are small and the students give me angry little faces. It takes it all out of me. Other days, everything clicks and we are all better for it. I try to detach myself from these ups and downs and try to stay true to the fact that I am giving my best and always doing all I can to look out for the students. I'm human like everyone else and get attached to these fluctuations. It is hard. Its a practice.

Eka Pada Video

I know that many people have trouble with leg-behind-the-head poses. I usually do a warm-up before hand. Here is a video of my teacher and I warming up before practice this morning:




Just kidding!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksT-YAiMxIo
This is a Tripsichore Yoga Performance with Edward Clark :)

Ashtanga Yoga Practice Videos and Flicks

The Shala is closed today for the holiday, so I thought it would be fun to take some flicks while I practiced at home. I've been walking a lot and we don't have the heat on, so it was an interesting practice. Anyway, the BF and I had fun...Enjoy!

Pincha Mayurasana



Back bending



More videos:
http://www.youtube.com/livingmysore

Eka Pada Sirsasana



More Pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/livingmysore/sets/
72157604219882613/

Moonday, family, and iyengar yoga

Compassion.

Why does this always happen? I never thought of myself having any family issues although I suppose every family has its issues. I've got family in town and after 24 hours have managed to completely botch it up. The details are complicated and personal with the overall result of bringing pain to everyone involved (plus a few innocent bystanders).

I saw it all unfold. I watched, helplessly, as the words and actions unfolded until it was too late. I sit now both relieved at watching the pus leak out, but still wallowing in the pain that was created to puncture the boil.

I feel confused, frustrated. I am at a loss for words. I can see solutions, but words have no meaning. I keep returning to the notion that the only thing that has meaning is compassion. Compassion for the participants. Compassion for the situation. Compassion for myself.

It is frustrating watching the ones that you love suffering. I have the incredible ability to manifest that love through aggression instead of honesty. I admit it. Now what?

On account of the moonday, I ended up going to a restorative/pranayama iyengar yoga class with said family. It was not the mushy, prop and sounds-of-nature-music I was hoping for, yet I suppose was just what was needed. It opened everyone up (perhaps a little too much). Is it not through a bit of difficulty that we find ease?

Yogic philosophy doesn't make sense to someone who is in pain. Don't try it. It doesn't work. It just makes whomever you tell it to more angry because it makes so much sense. The problem with it is the concept of personal responsibility, and if someone chooses not to see that they have the choice to change their state of mind, one can only offer compassion. That, and wait. Waiting is the hardest part.

I also learned that some people use the word "fuck" more casually than others. Note to self: Be more compassionate in word choice.

Full vinyasa sucks

As promised, I practiced full vinyasa, full primary today. I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth. Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic.

It was not fun. I didn't do full vinyasa for standing or finishing, just seated postures, and it was such a bummer! I don't know what happened, but slowly I became angry and agitated. Was it the variation of something so comfortable? Was it standing up when I'm used to be being so low down? I'd probably have to give it a few more goes to figure out. But for now, I've decided if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

My friend told me that for her, it feels like coming up out of the pool. She feels refreshed, balanced, and bandha strong. For me, it felt more like coming out of a warm bath when I really don't want to. I did feel balanced and it was interesting to observe how each chaturanga was really something of its own, rather than a long slur of a vinyasa. My bandhas were stronger (somewhat) toward the end, but it all just felt unnecessary and morale was low. I thought I'd probably have a much more open back for back bending, but that wasn't so. I was, however, more lengthy than I can ever remember being in my hamstrings.

The verdict: I'll stick to my good old half vinyasa primary, thanks!

Feeling light (everybody poops)

Spent some time kicking, floating, falling, and jumping back from pincha today. My practice is short, which is nice because I have lots of time to play! I've managed to land in chaturanga, however the hand shift is going to take some time. I was able to bend my knees on two attempts in pincha to get that "whip" effect. I'm still learning and have a long way to go.

Confession: I was super stressed out yesterday pre-practice about poop. Yes, poop. I often have a bit of a not going problem. I have myself on a very strict daily routine all catered around producing a deuce. I've pretty much given up on the pre-practice empty-out and on days when it does happen, I'm thrilled. My practice is lighter, my bandhas are stronger, and it just feels healthier. So anyway, I was pretty stressed out thinking there was no way I'd be able to do anything because I was bloated and etc. I had to not think about it and just practice.

It is interesting to me how growing up in magazines and such I've learned that a couple of times per week is normal. But now, I realize there is a difference between something being "normal" and something being "common". With the quality of food and diets here in the US, it is no wonder that every other TV ad is for a fiber supplemented product. I've been on an India-themed book reading spree, and they have all in some way made reference to the act of the daily deed. For instance, in Shantaram, the main character goes out to the river to do his doo with everyone else in the slum early in the morning. I have never been able to go on demand (obviously).

But I think that over time, yoga really gets us to pay attention to ourselves. Guruji says to "control" your anus. This implies not only your mulhabandha, but also your entire digestive system. Perhaps over time with yoga, we learn to be mindful about the crap we put into our bodies so that at the end of the day, we are able to get it out.

I love when I get really deep into practice. When I don't think about getting up to go and still end up walking through the door. It is during these times that I really am conscious about my body, thinking of my food as fuel, and forging a mind/body dialogue. I think part of it is being able to see every twenty four hours that my body is capable of much more than sitting, walking, seeing, talking, thinking, and tasting. After witnessing that, I can't help but want to do everything I can to support this amazing vessel. For all the time I've spent hating and trying to improve my body, feeling this way is such a gift. Thank you ashtanga! Thank you Guruji!

More about poop than you ever wanted to know: the Bristol Stool Scale

PS- pincha mayurasana has improved my drop backs!

PSS- David Williams says that yoga has a 24 hour expiration date.

No fearing!

I knew I had to do it by myself. You see, I am afraid of falling. Right before headstand or any other arm inversion, I think briefly about toppling forward into, well, into what I'm not sure. The unknown? I am afraid. Then I tell myself, very compassionately, to shut up and get on with it.

So I put my forearms down on the rug and I know that I need to figure it out myself. I kick and kick and fall and do some floating and then "pphhmp!" I got it. And then I land. I could detect some movement in my arms and I think I end up elbows up, but can't recall. But I'm determined. I must figure this out by myself, so I try again. More kicking, some floating, and then that's when I feel it. At a certain point I can remember seeing the golden thread of my rug and then my sense of "self" moves up my spine to this mass hovering in the sky. I hold forearm stand and then land in chaturanga all by myself! Hands might have moved back about an inch. At this point I'm having fun and go again. I remember that feeling. It felt like how that alien thing looks in the movie version of Naked Lunch. You know, the part where Bill finds Joan in Interpol and the typewriter turns into this pink throbbing skeleton pelvis butt thing? Well that's what I was looking for as I hop my legs up. Sure enough I felt it, held it, and again landed with small hand movements detected.

"Imagine how surprised you'll be when you come up next week in karandavasana," my teacher laughs. "I better not eat for a week!" I joke, remembering the extremist behaviors of led second series peeps in Mysore. "Only chapatis," he says as I drop back, still laughing.

Pincha Mayurasana

That's right. Okay now, seriously, I never thought I'd be here already! Especially not today.

This morning was one of those particular "I should not get out of bed" mornings. I trudged to practice arriving 17 minutes later than I anticipated forcing me to just not think and just practice. I was stiff and sore from practicing twice yesterday (more on that later) and so tired! But I only had a limited time before my teacher left the room for his break so I said to myself that I would really stick to the proper vinyasas and it all worked out. I just didn't have time to think. Magic vinyasas! And then there I was, thirty five minutes after I stepped onto my mat, in downward dog. "Pincha Mayurasana," I heard. There was no question he was talking to me. Everyone else had started finishing. "Really?" I said. "Can you do it?" he asked. I shrugged. I could do it (with a gentle human wall). I tried twice and tried the jump back twice. Then I took a tripod headstand to get the feel of the jump back.

I think the first time you try on the pose you just try on the pose to see what it feels like. Tomorrow I'll start noticing where I am. Maybe next week I'll actually be able to refine it a bit. But who knows?

On the jump back, I was instructed to shift my hands back to where my elbows were on the floor. I could do this either by peeling my elbows off the floor and then quickly shifting my hands back (as I fall like a cut tree). Or, I could swing my legs over my head to get momentum as they whip toward the floor allowing me to get some airtime to shift my hands. While I learned these, I couldn't really think about anything, but could only feel my teacher's hands holding my belly. Now if I can can only figure out how to use my own inner power to create that feeling...

Did I practice twice yesterday to get extra credit? Yeah right! I did my morning mysore practice, then attended a vinyasa class of a friend and potential employer so that I could get a gig. I took it pretty easy (or so I thought), but every once in a while I caught a glimpse of the rest of the class and saw that I was the only one taking the advanced variations. I haven't taken a vinyasa class in some time. I thought it was interesting and fun to make shapes and discover what my body was capable of and to enjoy the stretches and sensations of doing something new. But I also had this nagging worry about reminding myself to hold back for fear of getting injured. I just kept wondering what the point was for what we were doing and how certain the instructor was that I'd be safe doing whatever I was doing. Its a bit silly, but I think that probably I was just afraid. I didn't know what was coming next, and ashtanga really makes your body fit so that whenever you go to another type of yoga, its like you're this huge dog that doesn't know its strength. At the same time, I was surprised to see how much stronger I've become over the last few years when we were doing arm balancing, and we did eka pada sirsasana, which was interesting as we led up to it in a different way than in second series.

I know that pinch and jump back are not impossible because a few years back I dropped into a jivamukti yoga class which was full of cheap thrills including my first taste of pincha and jump back, jump into bakasana, and handstand jump back. I did it then, so I've got to be able to do it now. However, that does mean that I'll be at the dreaded karandavasana. Yipes!

Mysore on my mind

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz8uVn-Zofk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3-8Te30H6k

More videos of the old shala:
http://aysnyc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=106&Itemid=169

The Full Vinyasa

How do you pick your vinyasa?

For being known as such a specific practice, there are so many variations in ashtanga, and really many of them aren't completely illegal :). In particular, I'm thinking about the half vinyasa versus full vinyasa issue. But first, what is "vinyasa"?

1. In contemporaru yoga culture, Vinyasa is a style of yoga. It is characterized by having some sort of central theme (usually), some chanting, a lot of downward dogs, and flow. This is a derivative of ashtanga yoga.
2. Vinyasa is the linking of breath and movement.
3. Vinyasa is "intelligent sequencing", or something like that. The Jivamukti Yoga folks break the work into (I think) "vin" and "nyasa". But ask them.
4. Vinyasa is a specific movement with a specific breath as in ashtanga. For instance, Surya Namaskar A has 9 vinyasas.
5. To "take a vinyasa" from a seated posture means to move through the partial surya namaskar sequence of knees chest chin or chaturanga, upward dog or baby cobra, and downward dog, usually coming back through to sit once again.

Now in ashtanga between postures and even sides, you take half, full, or no vinyasa. This means that you just got to the other side, you do the partial surya namaskar sequence, or you come all the way to stand after each pose (not each side). The standard way people learn ashtanga primary, for instance, is in the half primary format. This is also how it is taught in Mysore. So then, where does the full vinyasa come from and why isn't it taught?

Lino Miele breaks this format down in his book, Astanga Yoga, and explains that this is how Guruji taught him the proper technique. But why aren't people really encouraged to do it? Perhaps it would take to long? I'm not sure.

The people that I know who have practiced full primary, full vinyasa really love it. They say it is actually more energizing than one might imagine. I 've never tried it myself, so couldn't say. A friend who has studied with Rolf in Goa for some time says that almost everyone does full vinyasa on Fridays. Perhaps next Friday I'll give it a try...

At his workshop, David Williams said that in the lifetime of your practice of yoga, you are always in one of two states: yoga therapy or cheap thrills. But I find the cheap thrills to be deeply therapeutic. Today's primary was lots of fun. I think that approaching practice with a positive attitude really opens up my body and mind to possibility. It is remarkable how different my body feels during primary series now after only practicing second series on most days. I don't know exactly how to describe it, but it just feels different. Like I have a new body or something. And in many ways, I think I do have. Looking in the mirror, I've noticed some renovations. Bandhas? Second Series? *Shrug*

The Two Certainties in Life

"In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes."
-Benjamin Franklin


Today, the tax man cometh.

:(

Bandhas Bandhas Bandhas

I'm thinking about them A LOT now since the David Williams workshop. I've got to say, things have shifted. I mean, I have always known about them and went through periods where I really paid attention and periods when I didn't, but now, its just what I needed.

I especially noticed that when I do mulhabandha David Williams style in parivritta parsvokonasana, I get this crazy sensation where my root is, well, a root, and my torso is spiraling out like rose pedals from there. Amazing yoga magic! The other place I'm really feeling it is in ustrasana. It is really helpful for shifting the expansion into the upper back instead of the lower back. But really, all of my practice feels different. I feel stronger and I think I look a little stronger. Maybe.

Had a reminder of lessons past learned in back bending -- it is better when you don't think. The key is to relax, trust, and surrender.

Tittibhasana -- Day 4

It is only Tuesday. Wow. I am so sore. Everything is tired. Each step is like I've walked all day. I just want to sleep and do nothing. I wonder how people are able to get into ashtanga without getting really into it. I mean, some days, it takes it all out of me. In Mysore, you practice, you eat, you rest. In "real" life, you practice, you eat, and you do everything that everyone else does too. I wonder how many people out there are able to maintain whatever their "normal" lives were prior to the jump into ashtanga. Does everyone gradually move towards a lifestyle that revolves around practice? It could also be what you do for a living. People that work with their hands are probably more tired in general than people who work in office settings, no?

Three more days of practice this week. I don't know the last time I've counted down like this. I think part of it is practice and part of it is the waking up so early. But what other choice is there? Early morning wake up is great once in a while. When the sun is shining on your face its great. I love the idea of it and the idea of myself being an early bird. The reality? :(

People who practice other styles have got nothing on us (except perhaps non attachment...). Try doing a pose one day. It feels good in the body, you feel the sensation, maybe you are sore, etc. The second day you revisit the pose you find something new. You crawl out past the places you've already discovered and you seek out the limits of the shape. Day three, you convince yourself you are a pro at the pose. You come to it like you knew it was coming. Your body is ready for the signal to settle into what it knows. But try doing it again and again and again. And keep doing it. That's a whole different story. You start finding walls, both mental and physical. You are tired and you are sore. Sometimes you want to give up. But the difference is for us (I think) the poses slowly become a part of us until you get to a point where you can climb in and have a seat. You can look around and settle in. Stira sukham asanam? Hmmm.

Tittibhasana -- Days 2 and 3

I was one part optimistic and one part completely petrified about meeting tittibhasana on Sunday. After three days off (Thursday primary, Friday moonday, Saturday rest day), I was completely disoriented in my own body. It all started with the sprint out of bed when I remembered daylight savings (please explain to me why the US is doing this early). Then I get to the shala and the practice room is all moved around. I already am feeling funny, but then, I finish my surya namaskars and decide that its time to go to pasasana. Something felt weird, but so did the whole morning, and it wasn't until I finished krounchasana that I realized I was super tight not because I was still cold from being outside (which I was), but because I didn't do any standing postures. That was embarrassing.

The truth is, I wasn't thinking about the poses at all. But I wasn't thinking about my laundry list either. I was thinking about mulhabandha. I've gone through stages in my practice history where I really focus on it and others where I take it for granted, but after Thursday, it was at the top of my mind. I was concentrating so much on my anus and vagina that I forgot what the hell I was doing! Ha ha!

Laughing, I stood up and started my standing postures. But still, practice was strange. Everything felt awkward and gawky. And afterwards, it felt like it happened so fast. I kept thinking, "that's it?" Was it perhaps because it was fun? David Williams said that when you practice, you are either in one of two states. The first is yoga therapy and the second is cheap thrills. It did feel pretty good...

Tittibhasana was much better! Still, the same problems yesterday and today. Jumping to tittibhasana is easy. Doing it well is the hard part. On Sunday I jumped once, took a few breaths, then came down and readjusted so my legs were higher. Its cheating, but oh well. Today I jumped once and told myself that I would make it work. With my legs higher on Sunday, I was able to swing my feet down by hands with some grace. It seems the key is to get the thighs moving toward one another and the seat high (i.e. engage bandhas). Today, as my legs weren't as high, it was much more difficult to get the height and I had to rely on my strength to get me there which was much more difficult.

Recently, someone told me that they heard that primary series was the hardest series to learn because in it, you learn all the fundamentals and that the other series are just variations of these. I do see how the vinyasas into and out of bhujapidasana and kurmasana lead to tittibhasana...

Binding in B was ok on both days. Walking was okay. The key is not to think, just walk, otherwise the mind starts thinking about how much the thighs burn. D, surprisingly, came naturally, even though I really thought I'd be afraid to fall over. That said, it might have looked like crap on the outside....Then back to A really tired and creaking to bakasana and then jumping to chatvari.

What is frustrating is that I get to downdog and I'm tired, but not that tired. I feel like I have lots of energy still and I wish that I could have used that energy to do what I was trying to do in tittibhasana. I know that with time it will come. The body and muscles have to figure out how to do what I want them to do and this is all very new to me...

Recently Watched: Into the Wild. Verdict: thumbs up!
Recently Read: The Kite Runner. Verdict: good story.
Currently Reading: Yoga Sutras.

David Williams edited the last post, so please check out the updated info.