Karan(davasana) knows best and all those dark corners

"Don't engage, suck in!"  Huh?  Really?  Apparently, I am trying so hard to engage and "grip" in karandavasana that I am pressing my stomach out and flexing like crazy.  I'm surprised I don't pop out a poop right in mid-air like I'm pushing out to give birth.  So, stop manhandling the pose, and stop trying to be a boy muscling into everything.  (Imagine me?  The one with no muscles, muscling into poses?)  Start refining.  Start connecting with the roots of my own practice.  Start practicing like me--like a girl.  And furthermore, what girl doesn't know how to suck in her stomach?  

So I try again and again and can't for the life of me figure out how to disengage my fury of muscles and suck in like (gasp) uddiyana bandha (duh).  I've gotten a couple of extra-curricular "exercises" to help gain some intelligence in karandavasana.

Phase 1

1.  In headstand, take padmasana

2.  Practice crossing padmasana in shoulderstand without using hands

Phase 2

3.  Practice crossing legs by oneself in pincha or at wall

4.  practice lifting the lead off the floor in headstand to learn how to engage core

Phase 3

5.  Practice lowering padmasana legs in headstand and coming back up

6.  Practice taking padmasana in tripod headstand and lowering to backs of arms

Ok, cool.  I go to the back of class and commence shoulderstand and think (for a moment) of what poses relate to this that I could work on?  I'm already putting all I've got into bandhas and jumping and lifting and so what's left?  As I'm thinking this, I see the answer is literally right in front of me.  I have mulabandha, but my stomach is sticking out in shoulderstand.  It is strong, but not sucking in.  So I make this the focus.  Not so bad in shoulderstand, but nearly impossible for me in halasana and karnapidasana.  And then I realize all these things, right in front of my eyes, that I've just been brushing by, just skimming over, just letting go.  I make and extra effort in urdhva padmasana and pindasana.  It was hard!  I was really uncomfortable and remembered why I just stopped bothering.  My floating ribs are sensitive and this made them really uncomfortable.  But today I adjusted and found a way and there it was.

On to headstand.  25 breaths there, halfway 10 breaths, came back up, the whole time really focusing on the sucking in.  When I could do it, I felt taller and more stable and I could actually feel my abs working in a much different way.  Then I took padmasana and took an inhale.  Then I exhaled everything out and at the bottom of the exhale sucked my belly toward my spine and lowered down and then came up.  What the #$@!?  It worked!  I did it again and again going lower each time.  Positively giddy, I did the tripod version and same thing.

The question now is:  can I figure out how to feel stable enough in pincha that I can have enough time to relax by belly for even just one second to be able to suck in?  I think it must be possible.  I did it in the headstands...

Earlier, after back bending, my teacher reassured me that the student next to me was stuck in the pose for a few years before going on to the next.  Thanks.  

It is definitely an entry point into a whole other level of practice.  If you've managed to sneak by without making many life changes up until this point, now it comes.  Time to really think about sleep, energy, food, relationships, concentration, emotions, mental state,  trishtana, etc.  But it isn't all for the pose.  The pose is a means.  It is reflecting life changes that one should be making to be healthier and happier just because.  If there is ever a place where a student is challenged to transform, it is here.

In the meantime, other things have changed while I wasn't looking.  The jumps are jumpier. The floats are "floatier".  Krounchasana does leave me feeling electrocuted anymore.  My left heel touches the floor in bhekasana, I don't have to cross my fingers in laguvajrasana, kapotasana is consistent, arms straight in bakasana are close.  The eka padas are actually getting comfortable.  I can cross fairly deeply in dwi pada, yoganidrasana is fab, and tittibhasana is showing much improvement!  I can swing straight legs (with much effort into B).  I'm taking a deeper bind in C and I can see my belly (which is not sucked in) in D.  

I'm in the middle of "The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" which makes me want to get back into learning french.  

Watched "Sisters" with Chloe Sevigny the other night.  Really weird.  But in a good way.

Sudoku saves the day

"I am just so frustrated that sometimes I want to cry"

Nope, those weren't my words this time, but a student of mine.  I reassured them that this is normal, that this comes up, that I experience this, and in fact, experienced it just a few days ago.  This practice is about so much more than the physical.  It is a daily therapy session.  (This is why the more I think about this line...

"Today, the style [ashtanga] appeals to Western devotees whose priority is a high-energy workout rather than an inner journey."

...From the April 23rd article in Time by Madhur Singh, I get so annoyed at how some people just don't get it at all.  If I was in this for the bikini body, I'd save a lot of time and energy by just getting a gym membership.  I'm sorry, but what a jerk.)  

And now, here I sit, almost ten hours later, feeling the same way as my student from this morning.  I feel frustrated, but mostly inadequate, or even unheard or unrecognized.  These are all pretty silly things to be feeling, but the practice is bringing them up.  Mostly the inadequacy one.  That is a hard one to admit.  I'm not really sure what to do with these feelings.  I have been able to step back and hold them in my hands, but now I don't know if I should toss them and run, hide them behind my back, pour them over my head, or put them in a jar.  So far, I've been hiding them behind my back, but the thing is when you do that, you know that they are there burning a hole in your pocket.  

I can't help but think that perhaps they are tied to something else going on like the planning for India and feeling a mixture of excited and scared.  I don't know.  I just feel confused and kind of useless and worn out.

Maybe its control issues.  I feel like I am losing control of a lot of things in my life right now and the one thing I had a bit of a grasp on was practice, all neat and folded in a tidy little drawer.  But now with such intense work on those last few poses, I feel like I end with rough edges and the "high note" is frazzled.  

So there's that.  There's not knowing what will happen with my relationship when I go away.  There's feeling like I'm making the wrong decision.  There's fear of the unknown and messing up.  There's fucking George Bush on TV today acting like an asshole.  I mean he looked so nervous and was so unprepared that I just felt bad for him and disgusted with us for not doing something about it,  but ultimately helpless because there is nothing to do.

And then there is sudoku.  A ray of hope.  I always thought these things were so stupid.  Then I tried to understand how to do them and just couldn't be bothered.  And then I sat down and tried to do one and kept messing up one after the other.  And then, this week, I completed one.  And now I can do them.  They are challenging, but not impossible.  You just need patience...Is a moonday coming up or what?

How NOT to do karandavasana and other lessons learned when going from pc to mac

I don't know that I was born a pc person.  We've had a couple of old macs in the past.  But it just turned out that I always seemed to have pcs around.  So, I got to know them well enough.  I knew the little shortcuts and some better-than-average problem solving techniques.  I feel comfortable turning on a pc, knowing that I can figure them out.  I understand their language, or at least I understand my own limitations within that language.  

I just got a mac.  Knowing how confident I am with pcs, I didn't give the conversion much thought.  It would be easy.  And it was... sort of.  We said "hi" to each other and exchanged a few simple courtesies like "where are you from", etc.  But once we tried to carry on a deeper conversation, I quickly realized that we weren't understanding each other too well.  It's kind of like speaking to someone who speaks your language, only with an accent that makes it nearly impossible to understand them when they get comfortable and begin speaking faster like they do with their friends.  

So how does this relate to yoga, and in particular, karandavasana?  Well, you see, I have an ipod and for whatever reason, they make it really difficult to transfer your library from one computer to another.  Now this is something I've always accepted.  But now that I have a new computer and I'm recycling the old one, I feel like this is completely unjust and that their must be a way.  Many failed attempts later, I've got it!  I figured it out!  Useful tool: "How to transfer itunes library to new computer".

This pc to mac transition has been challenging.  One thing after another has been like this.  But just as the ipod should be able to transfer info from one place to another--a conduit for information, if you will--the lessons from life and yoga seem to reflect the other.  I think I am saying that I'm an ipod.

Anyway--

So, just as I'm learning about and facing this new challenge of mac "usership", I am also learning about and facing this new challenge of karandavasana (or new pose) "usership".  For example, day one of mac, I couldn't figure out how to connect to the internet, flipped out, and then waited patiently for help.  Day one of karandavasana, I couldn't figure out to connect with bandha, breath, drishti, flipped over, and then waited reluctantly for help.  I feel like the ability to recognize a limitation, walk away when required, and patiently work toward a solution, are all skills and attributes learned from yoga practice and learning any new skill.  I feel like the ability to learn something new, tackle the unknown, and keep an open mind are all being cultivated when learning a new skill (such as using a mac) and from yoga practice.  

The point-

Nothing is impossible.  It might take time, but there is always a free software program out there that will give you what you need to figure it out to make it work.  But first, you kind of have to figure out what doesn't work.

How not to do karandavasana

1.  Loose your tristana (bandhas, breathing, drishti)

2.  Think

3.  Kick like a weakling, weenie

4.  Kick like a maniac

5.  Give up

6.  Cross your legs loosely

7.  Stick out your ribs when going down (although this is okay for some people--but this is my list!)

8.  Give up

9.  Stick out your ribs when coming up

10.  Give up

11.  Noodle legs

12.  Give up

No one was born doing padmasana or any other pose, for that matter, straight out of their mother.  No one was born mac or pc.  Time, patience, practice, we can all be multiple computer ipods.

Spring Cleaning (From the inside-out)

I suppose it began yesterday with the combination led primary/theory talk at the shala.  I spent this morning listening to the sound recording I took of the theory q & a (I am transcribing the text).  When my eyes were blurry and I couldn't type anymore, I was stricken with this incredible urge to apply a face mask.  I feel like I can't be the only one who gets overwhelmed with the cravings of thick clay smoothed over my face.  I found this great stuff at the local grocer's called "Be Fine:  Food Skin Care".  They sell these little single serving packets of the goop in different "flavors".  I went for the "warming clay mask with arnica, cardamom, and pomegranate".  Yum!  Five minutes later, I was in a steaming shower shaving my legs thinking happily of all the cleaning and organizing I am going to do around the apartment for the rest of the day.

I really don't think I'd be at all cheerful about cleaning the apartment unless I had done that other stuff for me first.  I like to take a shower and brush my teeth and everything before I see people, practice, clean, etc.  I function best from the inside-out.  I don't think everyone is like this.  My last two boyfriends insisted on cleaning the house before they took showers, the rationale being that they became so incredibly engrossed with the tasks at hand that they somehow felt dirtier the cleaner the apartment became.  Hmm.  Neither really got into yoga.  Maybe it is a personality thing.

I've always been like this.  Growing up, I'd be even bitchier than normal for a teenage girl if someone talked to me pre-shower/toothbrush.  I don't think it was because I hadn't "put my face on" yet, because I've never really been that into makeup.  Maybe I'm a closet introvert?  I'm just glad that ashtanga allows you to shower before practice.  Smelly armpits be damned, I'd have to contain a mild freak-out if I missed my morning shower.  Maybe I'm an obvious control freak?

Well, in any case, this is my day off.  No work, no practice, no boyfriend.  I've got the apartment all to myself, and if I want to sit around and blog/shower/refine pores/transcribe yoga theory while dishes sit in the sink until the afternoon, then that is how it will be!

Ashtanga Anarchists

In high school I had a mild crush on Gene Wilder.  I think it was maybe because it was not what people expected and because I wanted to laugh.  Danny Paradise reminds me of Gene.  The whole evening I had this thought in the back of my head that maybe he would honor a golden ticket.  Maybe not.

I walked in late.  Actually, I was right on time, but Danny was so enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge that he got out there in front of the class as soon as he could and started talking.  Learning yoga isn't like, "ok, get ready, here we go."  Instead, it is a lifestyle, it is spontaneous, and you learn the most when you don't see it coming.  I wonder what I missed.

As I sat down, he was answering ashtanga "user" questions about anything and everything.  We took a short break and then talked some more, learned nauli kriya, laughed, and then began practice.  In addition to the "traditional" ashtanga sequencing, he showed us variations and asanas that used to be taught back in the day.  He laughed as he explained how teachers who have been teaching less than ten years will tell you that there is only one way, but let's ask them if they are still practicing like that in thirty years...

Some notes:

*disclaimer:  below are my personal notes and are to be read as such.  I've done my best, but I apologize if I've misinterpreted anything.  

Like David Williams, Danny says that yoga lasts about 24 hours and then you need to do it again.  Even if it is just for 15 minutes.

Minimum yoga practice as taught to him way back when:

Nauli, 3 Surya A's, 3 Surya B's, the last 3 finishing postures

However, he really emphasized that one must make the time for yoga because you have to take care of yourself.  So, "if your work doesn't allow it, change your job."

Yoga is about awareness.  We have to take responsibility for our actions and responsibility for the state of the world.  We are the ones who must find solutions.

The first ten years of practice are undoing all the damage you've done up until then.  After that, its healing the day before.

3 Common misconceptions about yoga:

1.  Guru Worship.  It is about the practice!  You don't need to go to a teacher all the time.  The sequences were made for you to be taught (by a teacher) and then practice on your own, returning to your teacher when you are ready to learn more.

2.  Pushing.  The best teachers do not push.  They understand that the body is transformed slowly and steadily.

3.  Vegetarianism.  It isn't required, but it will make your practice lighter and just plain better.  Plus, meat is icky.

Danny practices on the wood floor, with a cotton rug, or a "travel mat" that looks like a sheet of packing plastic.

The original yogis were anarchists, not fundamentalists.  Get off the wheel of life and increase awareness.

Yoga injuries:

1.  Often caused by greed and inattention

2.  Do what is appropriate on any given day and recognize your limitations as the body is always changing

3.  The key is no pain in practice

healing = heat + oxygen

Please see yesterday's post for a clip from Danny's workshop at OM Factory NYC.

Let's finish with some yoga porn, shall we?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=abBwccUCFEU


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7img8taGWY

there is the best comment on youtube for this video. it says, "i would hinder this woman's flexibility in yoga via impregnation". Really, it says that.

Cry Baby

"It's okay to cry."

The words echo for a moment. Tears well up in my eyes. In the dressing room later, I think about how I can't really remember ever being told this before but want to believe that I have.

In our interview this month, Guy mentioned how practice is usually physical therapy or emotional therapy. Today, holding my shoulder, holding my tears, I remember "emotional therapy".

"This is your pose," he says.

I guess I never did really have that exorcism. In Mysore last year, I really thought my back bends were going to shit. I knew that issues were coming up and I was working through them, but I really thought that I had worked through them. I went from happily grabbing my ankles last June to struggling in October (oh Saraswati!). But it has been up from there. Literally. I'm up my legs again, but not without a great amount of struggle.

In the Danny Paradise workshop last night, he talked about how for ashtanga practitioners, they experience the effects of old age earlier, but then are unaffected later in life. You live a vibrant joyous life and then you die. Just like that. So, a certain amount of physical discomfort (this is different from "ouch" pain) can be expected.

The feelings that come up for me in ankle grabbing are intense. Physically, I 've got very strong sensations coming from my right shoulder. But it isn't pain. More like stepping on spilled soda in a movie theatre--gummy and sticky.

Once I'm there holding my legs, drawing my elbows toward one another, expanding my chest, and straightening my legs, I experience a mixture of exhilaration and panic. It feels like I have a bird in my chest flying in a cage (which is my ribs) with no place to get out. All I can think is "my shoulder."

Mentally, I find myself both dreading and looking forward to back bending which of course, is very confusing. The constant devil on this shoulder and angel on that can be tiring. I find myself surrounded by feelings of disappointment, feeling trapped, frustration. This is all after the forearm stands pincha mayurasana and karandavasana. I don't want to say there is drama around all these poses, but I guess there is (since I'm writing about them and all).

Last year I remember very clearly that it was right after back bending that I was overcome with these really intense feelings of "I can't" like the ones you get when you are super upset as a kid. I really felt like a child in fact. I was really upset. I went to my mat for finishing and got so upset that I just got up and left. Second series sure does a number on the nerves. Although these feelings I experienced today might look the same to what I experienced last year I now realise that actually I've grown a lot. When the emotions came up this time instead of walking out (like the devil on my shoulder told me too), I focused on my finishing poses. I did it, I didn't die. I made it through. This feels like growth to me.

Okay, now Danny Paradise. Maybe tomorrow. For now, enjoy some videos!

Danny Jumps Through at Om Factory NYC (last night)


Youtube video: "Ashtanga Yoga -- River of the Soul"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vB055-M6QwA

Danny reminds me of Gene Wilder.

Stay tuned...

The scoop on last night's Danny Paradise workshop at Om factory NYC!

Monday

Sunday was spent alternating between smiling and crying and sometimes both at the same time. What will happen with me an my boyfriend when we/I go to India? What is the right choice, what will happen, how will I live alone? I'm disgusted with myself for even writing this because it is just so cheesy and dramatic but so very real at the same time. Life decisions. Bleh/yay!

On a separate (and also related) note, I'll be interviewing Kate Churchill on her upcoming film, Enlighten Up! for Living Mysore Magazine. Please send any questions you'd like me to ask to livingmysore@gmail.com.

Let the Magic Begin...

I'm standing in line (yes "in", not "on"--New York hasn't completely taken over yet) at the local post office. It is the first 80 degree day since last year and it is hot. Being there is a real trial in how badly you really want to mail something. To go there is to face all adversity in the name of something you believe in. Today, I believe I need to go to India--and dammit, I will stand in this godforsaken line as long as it takes with no food, water, nor ipod until I reach the window to mail this letter. Luckily, I picked a book off the coffee table at the last second before embarking upon this perilous journey.

I decided to read Eat, Pray, Love again. I read it shortly before leaving for India last year, and sitting there on the library shelf, I simply couldn't resist the cover.

Burying myself in this small bit of redemption, I read the following lines:

"Then I listened to the Guru speak in person for the first time, and her words gave me chill bumps over my whole body, even across the skin of my face. And when I heard she had an Ashram in India, I knew I must take myself there as quickly as possible." (p. 25.)

Just as the period falls on the end of the last sentence, the "next customer" sign lights up, the bell rings, I walk to the bullet-proof window, pass the letter in my hand through the slot provided and declare, "I'd like to mail this to India!"

Yoga Bitches (and how not to become one)

In many ways, New York City is the best place to practice yoga and not because of the teachers (though they are in abundance). Its because this place can just throw so much at you! Some days (like today) I can step back for a second and just laugh at how wound up and crazy this little world is. I suppose it is easier to put these things into perspective when it is approaching 80 degrees outside and you know that you'll be saying goodbye soon.

So, while I am here, I hope to enjoy myself, spend time with friends and family, and share what I can about yoga. Going over this list when I find myself feeling frustrated or trapped has been helpful. So, why write about it now? Because there is always a part of me that gets really frustrated and wants to just say "you know what? fuck this and fuck you." Hey, I'm only human. But the part of me that is growing more and more is the part that says, "this is why we practice, this is why this is so important".

Clip from "Yoga Inc."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBQpQyQrGMQ


Ok, so how not to become a yoga bitch. In the Satchidananda translation of the Yoga Sutras, he talks about how you should be selfish in keeping your mind at peace. Is it possible that we can overdo it? What I find interesting about the ashtanga yoga practice (in the lineage of KPJ), is that there is an emphasis on it being a householder's yoga, meaning, it is yoga for people that live in society, rather than in caves. For anyone that has been on a yoga retreat, you know how easy it is to get in the "zen" mode. When there are fewer distractions and you are immersed in an environment that emphasizes this way of life, it is easier to fall into step. Not so easy being mindful when you are stuck in traffic, when your dog pisses on the sofa, when you get the shaft at work, etc., etc. So, this yoga is for us to use to figure out how to function as happy, healthy individuals in this world, in this society, in this city.

(Admittedly, it is not easy to renounce everything and go and live in a cave and vipassana isn't a walk in the park either...)

So, the point is to become functioning citizens rather that elitist pricks, right? Is it possible? Maybe not in every situation, but I'd like to hope that yoga is putting more out there that is good rather than bad.

I think it has. I want to believe that here in the west, it is still in its beginning. We're still working on perfecting asana and the rest will come, slowly, slowly.

Recently read: Remember me? Chick lit. Cute.
Recently viewed: Lars and the Real Girl. fab!

Practice, practice, practice

In the wake of yesterday's interview with Guy (for the May issue of Living Mysore Magazine, I am grasping for some firm ground. The conclusion?

No too tight, not too loose.

Obsess and don't obsess. Find the middle ground.

What keeps speaking to me is this question, "why are we doing this yoga?" The answer keeps coming as "to transform".

Example. My body is physically changing. It is adapting to the new challenges of my practice, it is getting stronger, lighter, and the shape is slowly shifting.

Example. My mind is changing. Thinking of the physical aspects of practice, there is no one day that I am performing. I am not practicing and practicing these postures so that one day I can show them off. I can't just fast so that the next day I "feel light" and then can do a certain posture. The choices I make for what I put into my body are long-term habit changes. Every day is the performance, everyday is the practice. Everything has to change.

Example. But why does it have to change? Am I obsessing over asana? Kind of, but not really. I am obsessing over cultivating mindfulness in my thoughts and actions. It is watching myself as I move through the world the entire 22 hours until the next asana session. The whole day is "doing yoga".

On this entire physical/mental shift fostered by the asana practice, it is interesting how one would think that "oh everything is perfect and now I will just work on this one thing", when actually this one thing effects everything else. I remember when I did this workshop with this Ayurvedic teacher that was all about Mind Body Centering and she was talking about how when you get an organ removed, that sickness and pain that was there is still there because the issue was never solved. How could it still linger even when the physical organ was gone? It is simple. Everything in the body is connected to everything else. When an organ is removed, the body doesn't think, "okay, the right kidney is gone, oh well." In this same way, getting a new posture changes your entire practice and then changes your entire life. Everything is different, everything is connected.

Excited about this Danny Paradise workshop coming up at Om Factory next week. It is always interesting to hear different points of view. Also hyped about Mysore, so I dug up this info to inspire!

Ashtanga Yoga in Mysore, India
General Mysore Info:



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=At_JswBti28
http://www.livingmysore.com/


Ajay



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWuquyM5VXg
http://www.sthalam8.com/index.php?sub_page=ajay

Sheshadari



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=574KxzmIH3E
http://mandala.ashtanga.org/index.php/sheshadri

BNS Iyengar



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ClWOwVHvLQU
http://ashtanga.org/lineage/bns_iyengar.shtml

Sharath/Guruji/Saraswati



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3-8Te30H6k
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKQw0-IlJiY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W3mzQ83Gk8A
http://www.ayri.org/

Another keyword search: which leg first in krounchasana?

That one is easy! Jump through from downdog with the right leg bent and left leg up like in triangmukha eka pada paschimottanasana. Then do a vinyasa and jump through with the left leg bent and right leg up. Pretty much its always right leg first. There are a few exceptions though. For instance, you twist to the left side first in pasasana. Why does it say to twist to the right first in David Swenson's book? *Shrug*

The unanswered questions

What the world really wants to know.

I just installed this new stat counter that does keyword analysis. The things that people search for are very interesting. Here are some of the latest and my best answers...

cave swami chamundi: Used to be a journalist, I think, before renouncing and becoming a swami. Now he lives in a cave at Chamundi Hill. Many students go to him to learn chanting (I've heard). Here's my experience with him: Chamundi Hill

nuno ashtanga: The two Nunos I know are both from Portugal and are both ashtanga teachers. One of the Nunos is currently assisting Tomas Zorzo in Spain and has a blog (Nuno's blog). The other Nuno is teaching in Portugal.

undergarments shop in mysore: I think there is a jockey store...better to bring your own.

hands behind waist: what could this possibly be referring to?

back pain iyengar yoga: yes?

can women eat chyawanprash: dear god I hope so!

dehli belly: sucks. pack grapefruit seed extract and wormwood.

triphala dreams: constipated?

tips for vinyasa jump back: good question. will think of good answer.

ajay ashtanga mysore:
http://www.sthalam8.com/index.php?sub_page=classes


should when you are sick yoga: yes, unless fever.

pneumonia in mysore: would suck.

dark mark on my chin: I bet its from jumping back from pincha!

:)

Feed me!

Some days you go through your practice and everything is like clockwork, other days, it is an out of body experience. The human body is so interesting in that it is never the same, always changing, and through ashtanga practice (as we are doing the same thing everyday) one can really feel and see the difference from one day to the next.

I have noticed a change the last couple of days. I'm still dreading certain poses when they come up, but once I'm there, I notice that the panic mode turns off and I can actually get a bit deeper than I had imagined. It reminds me of being a kid how I yelled and screamed to not take a bath, but then once I got it in it was so warm and nice! In other parts of my practice, I'm noticing soreness from my body shape changing as I learn to use muscles differently. And with all these changes, primary feels very different.

Besides the shifts caused by daily practice, a woman's cycle, day of the week, and energy level, there are the shifts caused by food. Since moving from "veganism" to "vegetarianism" in October, I've noticed some changes. I can't tell if I have more energy, but I am definitely stronger than I was before, but that could be just because I've decided to challenge myself a bit more. I feel like I was lighter (pounds wise) before, but I feel more toned now.

What I have really noticed is how the timing of meals effects my practice as well as the amount of bread I eat. This weekend I went to a wedding and practice yesterday and today has suffered for it. And now that the days are longer and brighter, I don't seem to have much of an appetite and find myself eating out of habit. Bleh.

Sore wrists from all the press handstand stuff on Friday and from my extra playtime during self practice yesterday. My bf assisted me in karandavasana. That was funny.

From Ashtanga Yoga Sangha on Food and Practice:
"Diet, how and when you eat is probably the most important factor for yoga practice.
Food suggestions from the Hatha Yoga Pradipika
http://aysnyc.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogcategory&id=31&Itemid=165
Bitter, sour and salty tastes, unripe vegetables, fermented/rotting and oily foods, intoxicating liquors, fish, meat, yoghurt, chick peas, oil-cake, asafoetida (hinga), garlic, onion, etc., should not be eaten. Food heated again, dry, having too much salt, sour, indigestable grains, and vegetables that cause burning sensation, should not be eaten. Wheat, rice, barley, corn, milk, ghee, natural sugar, butter, honey, dried ginger, snake gourd, the five vegetables (5 leafy greens mentioned in GS), mung beans, pure water, these are very beneficial to those who practice Yoga. A yogi or yogini should eat tonics (things giving strength), well sweetened, made with ghee, milk butter, etc., which may increase humors of the body, according to his or her desire. "

Jumping into paradise

I'll be the one wearing the Havaianas.

It is official. Yesterday was our first 70 degree day since October and the flip flops are out and staying out. On some blocks, I can smell human pee and tree blossoms. Spring is surely on the way. It was so painful getting used to closed-toe shoes after India. I fought it to the very end last fall until my toes were painfully cold. And now, I've got little pink "almost-blisters" as my feet transition into warm weather attire. But it isn't just the early signs of summer that makes the Havaianas so needed, its that they are incredibly squishy and the balls of my feet are tender from my pincha "timbers".

I spent the afternoon playing around at New York's Om Factory with Paul, Emily, and Fara. I was giving them jump through tips (not that they really needed them) and Paul was giving us "press" handstand tricks. We were in the middle of the room, at the wall, on blocks, straddling to handstand, jumping, "bakasana-ing", lifting, etc., all with bellies full of Indian food. I figure if I could make a handstand-to-bakasana (among other things) happen then, that says something. So Paul (whom I regularly steal vinyasa sequences from because he is great) has me on this little extra-curricular "lift-up therapy" program. I promise to youtube it if (like he promises) I can lift up to handstand from uttanasana with a straddle minus props.

(Om Factory is this really amazing space in midtown. Danny Paradise is doing a workshop there on Earth Day, April 22, and to my happy surprise, I'll be there! Looking forward to it for sure. Now if I can only see David Swenson soon, I'll have re-created an "ashtanga mela" of my very own...)

So what inspired this little yoga sesh? Well, if you get a couple of yoga peeps together, something like that is bound to happen, but also I just got the new Kino DVD, and I've had some of the stuff she talks about on my mind. The first part of the dvd (about 20 min I think) is about Kino, her Shala, and her practice. The second part (also about 20 min) is a look into one of her workshops in which she discusses the basic principals of re-learning how to walk on your hands. Although it is hard for all of us to believe, she says that when she first saw people lifting up handstand, floating, etc., she was like "there is no way!"

So, practice, practice, practice...

Oh and I think that exploring that mysterious and uncharted area of my body that controls the lifting is the key to this whole floating/karandavasana business. Or maybe not. But it is an interesting journey.

dvd preview on youtube:

A Journey

I'm watching my fellow back bender/friend/former student trying to figure out how to stand up. She's so close and although I've never done it (tried to help/talk to another student during class) before, I got her attention and motioned for her to try something. She did it and then stood up. She probably felt good, but I felt bad.

I really learned something in that moment and it was more than just to act like a student when you are a student. I learned that there is a method to this madness. She was so close, it was obvious. Standing up was as close as an answer stolen from the tip of your tongue. I stole her chance to figure it out.

This got me thinking about this journey we are on. If all the answers were just handed to us, we would not have the journey, or, at least, not to the extent that one experiences after working hard for something for a long time and finally "getting it". But it is all a balance. It is a little bit of putting in the effort, a little bit of training wheels, and a whole lot of courage, patience, and persistence. Practice, practice, practice.

What was the point, really of what I did? No point. It wasn't really a big deal either, except that it got me thinking about these other things which are important. I think of my own practice and how good it feels to figure something out. How good it feels to complete a crossword puzzle. I don't want the answers, I don't want the cliff's notes, well, not all the time at least! I want the chance to try my hardest, to see if my inner knowledge (or whatever) can find the answer.

It is kind of like going to India. No one really offers to help you figure it out. They all know it is about the journey and figuring it out along the way...

Constant "asana-ing"

Yesterday's Post:
I'm locking up my bike after riding home from a class with no students and I'm thinking, "what the hell am I doing?" Am I really one of those crazy, hippie, new age weirdos that walks away from "rational" life choices, straight into the chaos of an open-ended trip to who knows what end? Part of me keeps saying that I am testing the limits. I am seeing how far I can get from ...

Didn't finish it. Day turned out to be too busy. Anyway, on to today!

I'm sitting on my heels, breathing after karandavasana.

"Am I doing any of it?" I ask.

"Yes, you're the one wobbling," I laugh.

I have to change everything, think of everything in terms of getting light, learning to fly, karandavasana. It has given me a new perspective on practice and how to approach the asanas for sure. When you're thinking of kurmasana, you think about how everything can open your hips. When you're thinking about ustrasana, you're thinking about getting into your upward dogs. When you're thinking about karandavasana, you're thinking about how to keep your mind in your pelvis and to keep it light.

Just some musings, because, well, I think that's what I do!

Currently reading: Into the Wild
Earlier today: slept through the opera, Satyagraha.

Countdown to India

After three days off, I'm glad to be going back to practice tomorrow, but also amazed at how easy it would be to just forget the whole thing because practice seems so impossible and far away. There really is a 24 hour expiration on yoga.

Spent a lot of time with the family the last couple of weeks and now things have officially sprung into motion. With the official (and somewhat surprising) blessings of both sides of the family tree, the countdown begins. Next up is sending my letter and buying my ticket, giving my leave to work, selling all personal possessions, finding a sublet, and saying goodbye to friends. I'm a bit in shock, a little scared, and very excited...

Yoga Is Life

I'm talking with my career counselor. "What would you be doing if you won the lottery and could just do whatever you wanted?"

My answer: "What I'm doing now, except, I'd have money."

I have to smile. I have to laugh.

I teared, yes teared while watching this preview when they showed the clip of the world map heading to Mysore. Tomorrow is a moonday. That has to be the reason...



Tracy just started her "tour of duty" in the Peace Corps. Yoga Is Life.

Duck, duck,...goose!

I will wear a grin all day...Today I got karandavasana!

This is a moment that I NEVER thought would happen. Never ever. I suppose the next moment that could possibly never happen is coming up and going down with integrity, but there is no rush.

Feeling very productive and super-amped from practice, I published April's Livingmysore magazine and am now watching karandavasana videos on youtube while the sun shines in through my window. Sometimes I really like my life.

"Karandavasana" from reynoldl


"Karandavasana" from ashtangaboi


"Sanya's karandavasana" from yogayantra


"Karandavasana - Demo by Russell Case" from bestbuychi


But what I really want is to see a strong woman do it! Come on ladies, let's show 'em how it is done...

I just ordered Kino's new DVD. If anyone can do it, she can!

April Fool's and the One Kick Wonder

The day began like any other. I woke to an alarm, hit snooze, and then bolted into what I hoped would be a hot shower. The gods were in my favor. I walked through the rain onto the subway. I watched, fighting feelings of disgust (think yoga, peace E, peace) as I watched the myriad of construction workers of all shapes and only large sizes scratching their balls, sleeping with their mouths open, and taking up two seats on the subway. I get to my 6am class at 5:30. Hooray! I'm early! Alas, the door is locked. Looks like class is cancelled. Bummer for the students, bummer for me. I write a note and head downtown to the shala where I am the second person through the door (a rare and auspicious occurrence).

So I was thinking a lot about thinking and the importance of not thinking. Poses that are hard if you think too much: bakasana B, tittibhasana, pincha mayurasana. I can easily psych myself out. "Oh, I'll probably stick it on the 3rd or 4th try..." and other miscellaneous self deprecating thoughts flow freely. But I decided its like sports. You visualize the success. You KNOW you will do it. You become confident in your ability and then you ride the wave through your obstacle into success.

I've been giving myself these little confidence-boosting pep talks and it works! I'm getting bakasana B on first try. I'm kicking up to pincha for the second day in a row on the first kick. Not bad. Its good when your relationship with a pose gets to a point where it is a part of you. You don't fight against it because you've already initiated a compromise from past experience. Looking forward to that with pincha.

I think that on the way to no thinking is positive thinking...Oh, and I'm getting my hands to move in the exit vinyasa for pincha!